Is it possible my "conscience" is my mother?

Question

I feel guilty all the time. There is a voice in my mind that continually pumps negativity. I once attributed this to my conscience but then I began to think deeply about it. There was a time when I was younger that I operated with no anxiety. I never avoided conflict I ran to it. But now it is starting to make sense. My brother was a jerk so I would kick his azz. One day he hit my sister so I punched him in the gut. My mother told me he could die from the hit and so basically told me I killed him. Then one day I went to take a bath. There was a spider in the tub and I killed it. My mother told me that killing a spider is bad luck and that if the house burned down it was my fault because I brought bad luck to the house. Is this a normal way to treat your kid or is this one of the reasons why I suffer and have suffered from depression and OCD?

Answer 1

I am me i am free

Answer 2

Parents take a lot of flack for their kids. Admittedly a lot of it is deserved. There's not such thing as a bad child just a parent whose not coping. I'm sure that even you don't think these two incident have caused your emotional problems so I'm guessing there is more but let's talk about these two.

Punching your brother. Your mum was right, your brother shouldn't have punched your sister but punching him doesn't make it right though it is understandable. You don't say if your brother was reprimanded too. And yes, he could have died from a punch to the stomach, that's what killed Houdini.

Killing the spider, well maybe not a very nice thing to do but no, in this instance there was absolutely no need for her to go off like that. If she hadn't taught you a better way to deal with that situation then that is her fault not yours.

Generally most parents are doing the best they can, so if your mother got it wrong, which she may have, and thereby contributed to your depression and OCD I'm sure it was not her intention. Parents often don't realise the affect what they say has on their kids. When I was about 3 my mum was putting me to bed and said "tuck your arm in, or the ghosties might get it." Nearly 4 decades later I still hate being uncovered when I sleep. At one stage I had to have everything covered including my head. But she didn't mean it.

You don't say how old you are but I'm assuming you are an adult now. If you haven't been to counselling for your depression perhaps you should consider it. Even if your mother has contributed, as an adult, you have to take responsibility for yourself. There comes a time when you have to stop trying to apportion blame, after all, this is where you are, you suffer from these conditions, it doesn't really matter why or who is to blame. You have already taken one of the hardest steps by acknowledging them, now it's time to see where you can go from here. Focus on who is going to be responsible for making you better (hint, that's you, and you can do it) not who made you like that.

Answer 3

Like so many other questioner's, you have answered you're question just by the asking.

Is this a normal way to treat your kid or is this one of the reasons...See. Now, I'm sure you wouldn't have asked this question if you really believed things were normal.

But what is normal? I don't think we ever have the answer. And how would we do in realtime if we were the parent? Maybe she is doing the best that she knows how, based on her life and how she was treated when she was growing up.

Only you're reactions to this are what could have led to you're depression and OCD.

Remember they are still only labels. And you can move forward from here.

I think you have a much better chance because you went to the time and trouble to "see through" what is going on around you.

Congratulations for that.

Answer 4

Yes it is normal...cuz you mother tried to teach you what is right and what is wrong. But don't feel sorry why you are so soft...it is a good thing...and try to be calm.