Would you give a spouse a second chance?

Question

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now and we have a 4 year old together. I recently hacked into her email and found that she was trying to see a old friend of hers to go out with, like a date...maybe one-night stand type thing. I broke up with her and she has been asking for forginveness since. She says I'm being to harsh on her because nothing really happen even though I know she wanted something to happen (in terms of sex). She says that I drove her to that because I never said " I love you" as often as she wanted to hear me. Also she says I was abusive verbally at times recently. Should I give this person a 2nd chance?

Answer 1

Well, the bottom line is, what are you willing to commit to?

If you get back with her, you're going to have to roll up your sleeves and commit to working out these issues.

You both seem to have some issues.

- You felt like it was okay to hack into her e-mail; she felt emotionally neglected by you; she also felt verbally abused.

- She was taking steps to hook up with someone else behind your back, thus violating your trust.

So let's look through what you have.

You've been together six years. (That's a decent chunk of time.)

You have a four-year-old child together, so it's not just about you; and as long as you live, you will both be "connected" because of that child, regardless of whether you split now or not...

So the question still remains: Do you WANT to give your gf a second chance?

Are you willing to make a commitment to working through these issues and actually engage her in a discussion of what's wrong with the relationship, in an attempt to fix things (maybe having to change your own behavior in the process)?

This stuff isn't easy to do, so it will take some work and discomfort.

(I do think that whatever problems you do not resolve in this relationship will simply follow you to the next, until you decide to address them. So it's not as simple as leaving, even if you do find someone new.)

Good luck, and I hope things work out.

Answer 2

1. You were never married but had a kid. NO Commitment from you.
BTW spouse means married.
2. You never said you love her. NO emotional Commitment
3. You were verbally abusive, big jerk to a friend.
4. Hacked into her email, even bigger jerk.

Do her a favor. Do not go back. Then she can go find someone who will love her, marry her and treat her right. Oh, and, do not forget to send the child support checks. I get the feeling that you may be the type to skip that step as well.

Answer 3

first there are a lot of issues that need to be dealt with:
you hacked into her email? why? you are invading her privacy, did you have reason to hack into it? are you controling? you are not married, and she is allowed to have a life. how do you KNOW she was going to have sex? you think you know? maybe she really just wanted to go out with an old friend??? my bf got REALLY upset once cause i went out for a drink with a guy that he knew i cheated on my ex with. yes we had a past, but we were both home alone and just wanted to go hang out for a while and catch up. nothing happened, just some friends getting together.
you have a kid together, do you want a kid to grow up in an enviroment where there is this much tension? you dont trust her, she's pulling away from you, she says your abusive (something you do NOT need to put on your kid), you dont express how you feel... if you dont love her or if you really are abusive, then you need to do what is best for the child and end it. on good terms now than really badly down the road.

Answer 4

I think you should. Remember one thing, nobody (in their right mind who are good, balanced sort of people) goes looking for more love (or sex or whatever) when there is enough right there at home. If this is her only mistake and she has been a good woman to you and your child, please do give her another chance, keeping in mind that you have a child together. You should be able to trust her (as much as you can, even if not the same as before) and love her more. Don't make both your lives miserable by being nasty or doubtful all the time when you allow her to return. If you can't do this, just call it quits.

Answer 5

wow, that's a tough one.

one, you should marry this girl.

two, if you take her back, treat this as a learning experience and make sure that you become more in tune to her needs. tell her you love her often, do sweet things for her, its the little things that count. don't think because you have been together for so long that you don't need to do those things anymore. they are more important than ever.

three, i have been in a relationship where i felt i wasn't getting the attention or affection that i deserved or craved, but that NEVER gives someone a valid reason for cheating on the other person. if she wasn't happy or felt something was missing she should have moved on.

she may have done wrong, but take a look at yourself as well to see what you could do better in the relationship, not just what she could do.

Answer 6

If you give this person a second chance, then you are in for some real heartache. Let me first inform you that when a cheater is caught, they always love to blame the one who caught them. If her excuse for wanting to cheat is due to you not telling her that you love her as much and that you are verbally abusive, then why in the world would she want to be with you. Please don't be this girl's way out. I hope you love yourself more than that. She will continue to cheat on you because all she is worried about is who makes her feel good during sex. Love has nothing to do with what she is looking for. My advice is to please move on. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 7

Yes I believe in giving someone a second chances, but in this case I wouldn't. She didn't own up to it. She said it was your fault she was going to another man. If that was the case why not just come to you and tell you that instead of hiding the fact of what she was doing. To put the blame on you for actions says what type of person she is. Just my opinion, it's still up to you on what you should do. I imagine it will be hard seeing that you have a child together. Good luck!!

Answer 8

If one takes a dishonest spouse decrease back for in spite of the indisputable fact that reason there is completely one way for the marriage to have a threat. you may forgive yet under no circumstances ignore and do not element out the affair back or confirm one affair is one to many. What maximum cheaters do not comprehend that's a "decision" to cheat or not. they can make any excuse for dishonest. that's faulty. that's continually difficulty-free to do the incorrect ingredient. Takes braveness to do the right ingredient.

Answer 9

If she really wants to get a second chance; you two need to go to a marriage counsellor. The problems sound like they are severe enough that you two may need help in sorting through these things. Do it for the sake of your child together...perhaps you can deal with all those issues with the counsellor and be able to move on together. It's worth a try, isn't it?

Answer 10

Yes, most people deserve a second chance if your heart is in it. If she told you those things they are probably true. Most people cheat when they are not getting what they need from the relationship. You also need to look to yourself to change those things and make the relationship better for the next run. Of course it is her that is the individual who has done wrong, and you will need to tell her that she will need to earn your trust. Maybe you could try starting things out slowly so that you both could learn what went wrong and how to make things better.