What would you do if your mother's husband was a big jerk?

Question

Can you say dysfunctional?
Mom just retired, and moved to a remote lake area with her husband of 24 years. This is scary since he likes to use up her money. She was excited about us coming out for Thanksgiving. (My 15 yr old son and I, my uncle and cousin.) This is typical- on the 2nd day of our visit, her husband started blaming my son for minor things (always part of the plan to get rid of us). So, we made an excuse and left earlier than planned the next morning. My mom was sad- but she has been manipulated by this con man since I graduated from high school. He was bad news from the start, having garage sales with my childhood momentos, & pocketing the money. She has always worked, while he pursues his "creative endeavors." He has a very obnoxious personality, and no one likes him, especially in our family. I am the only child, and my son, the only grandchild. Her husband will use up all her retirement money, and he treats her like crap. Why does she put up with him?

Answer 1

I guess she likes it.What other way to think?We could make up excuses for her but the truth is there is something about that relationship that's pleasing her or she'd want out.I know that sounds crazy, but a person who stays in a dysfunctional relationship is their self dysfunctional and the situation must be providing them with something they need,both of them are feeding off each other.The best thing about this whole mess is I bet you are stronger and would never allow yourself to be in that situation,so I guess you've got to give the devil his horns when a bad situation teaches someone to be wary.

Answer 2

Some people get comfortable where they are at. Sometimes, it's the fear of never having anyone again, or just the fear of being a lone. There could be a million reasons why she has stayed with him. Have you ever asked her? Asked her if she truly loves him? To let her know that she deserves better in life. Maybe she has learned to ignore his behavior. It happens all the time. Maybe she thinks, she has gotten older and it's to late to start over. I wouldn't blurt it out at her. Maybe try something like, "mom are you happy with your life", then move on to asking her, if she is happy with him. I hope for the sake of you and your mothers relationship, that something can be worked out. Good Luck to ya!

Answer 3

There are many reasons women put up with things. She may be afraid of being alone, she may have self-esteem issues & believe she doesn't deserve any better or she may just love him. Whatever the reason, she is a grown adult and will have to live with the consequences. You need to accept the fact that you can't make these decisions for her.

Answer 4

That's a very sad situation. I think it sounds like she thinks she can't do any better than him. Hopefully at some point she will open her eyes and dump the jerk.(Before he blows through all the rest of her money). She can do a whole lot better than that (guy). I mean Gigolo

Answer 5

Is your mom happy? Then let it go...you're grown and have a life of your own to worry about. If she is unhappy tell her that you feel uncomfortable being there and explain to her why. Then let her know you are there for her regardless of her decision. After being in a relationship for so long...she may have low self esteem. Maybe she is being mentally abused.

Answer 6

I have a stepdaughter like this. Although it breaks my wife's heart what are you going to do? She's an adult. He'll work at claiming everything after her death if he outlives her. You can only pray there is a Hell and a place is reserved for him there.

My sympathies.

Answer 7

god that sucks, have you ever told your mom that you love her and that you don't like her being abused and tooken advantage of because that's exactly what's happening.

Answer 8

...she's an idiot.

...stay in a motel next time.

Answer 9

you need to ask her...