My friends doesn't want to see me and is being very cold and I don't know why. Don't know what to do. Help?

Question

My friend has Cancer and she is raising two children by her self. She dosen't want anyone to know she has cancer. I think she would have more help if she told people but I respect her wishes and don't tell anyone. I talk to her several times a day. Several times she didn't answer her phone I ran to her house from work to find her crying and unable to deal. I useully hold her let her cry it out. The past year has been a great it seems all our talks are over her Cancer. I blame myself I just want to help and be the best friend I can be. She has been let down my many people in her life I didn't want to be one of them. Two weeks ago she freaked on me telling me she dosen't need to talk to me everyday. I backed off for a few days to give her space. But it's over three weeks now she really dosn't want to see or talk to me. Wrote her a long letter and she sent it back with a nasty reply. I haven't slept in weeks can't work and feel hurt. How can someone I care so much about hurt me this way

Answer 1

Hurt. There is just so much hurt in her. She's just lashing out. Self pity most likely. So that she can waddle in gloom and continue in her self pity alone.

Note: You should look into the welfare of her kids. They get the brunt of her depression most of the time.

Tip : I asked a depressed frien of mine once, how I can be there for her, and she gave me the darnest answer. "I just want you to sit near me and say nothing". "I want to rest in your presence" she said. So thats exactly what I did. I just sat with her the whole day, not saying a word to each other.

IN your case, it might be somwhat different. You may be facing a thunder of abuse. She may be saying nasty things at you. You should say nothing and just sit there and smile at her. Just make yourself at home in her house. Just do what you normally do when you used to visit her BEFORE she got sick. She will eventually break down, and thats when you comfort her.

And STOP talking about her sickness. Start acting normal and behaving normally. Go to church and seek devine healing? Why not? What does she have to lose? Its FREE.

Answer 2

When someone in your family has cancer, things can change for everyone. These changes can be large or small. What it is like to have a parent or a brother or sister with cancer depends on a lot of things such as:

.
What kind of cancer the person has and how it's treated.

If you have other people in your family or close friends nearby who can help.
Whether you live with two parents or with one.
How far the person with cancer goes for treatment-across town or to another city or state-and if you can visit or call them.
How long the person has to stay in the hospital.
How well or sick the person with cancer feels.
Whether you can get the answers to your questions about cancer.
How easy it is for your family or friends to talk with you about cancer.
How easy it is for you to talk about cancer.
Whether your friends know what is happening to your family.
How your friends treat you.
Any of these can make a difference, and only you know how cancer has changed your life. One piece of information can't answer all your questions. This information was written to help you understand more about cancer and how it is treated. It may help you to understand the changes that may happen in your life. It also may help you understand and deal with feelings you have about cancer and about the person who has it.

Answer 3

What is the excuse to be rude to you in her reply? Any clue?

I think moods and feelings can be really changing specially when there's a special condittion, like cancer. Maybe she doesnt want to feel pitty from you, and she wants to demonstrate you she's still strong. I know that's not the way, but sometimes feelings are weird. I'd say you should invite her to a coffee, and talk naturally on the topic, like just expressing your feelings, and avoiding trasmitting panic or pitty from you.

Answer 4

she is scared. she doesn't want you to be close to her for 2 reasons, she doesn't want to be hurt by you and she doesn't want to hurt you... of course i could be wrong but that is what it looks like to me.

Suggestion, send her an apology with some roses & remind her that you will always be there for her...