Husband acting Single while Married?

Question

What do you do with a husband of 20 years who acts single while married. He is more loyal to his man freinds than to his own wife. After his working 6 days, on the seventh he goes out with his freinds to enjoy his obsessive sporting hobby. Or goes with his buds on vacation. He conveniently "forgets" he has a wife who need him as well. He won't cut back on work even though we don't need that extra days salary and it's not even up for discussion to him. He doesn't plan for weekends with me or the kids. He is uncommunicative during the week,glued to the television. When the weekend comes, he is out the door early to pursue his hobby with his freinds. That's not up for discussion either, he just throws fits if you even mention his neglect for marriage and family or his obsessive need for work and hobby and TV that occupies him 24/7. Yet he professes to love me and the kids. His priorities are upside down, It is deprivation and neglect for me and the kids.We are pencilled out of his busy l

Answer 1

Sounds like a mid-life crisis. I really don't know if I can fully give you and advice as I don't know your history with each other and your communication skills to each other throughout your marriage. If you got married young, he may be trying to relive his youth now. If you truly love him and you think he is just "lost" at the moment recapturing his youth...kill him with kindness, love him unconditionally and create a life of your own for now and perhaps he'll come around. My father did that for awhile with my mother (although for the most part they were happy), later in life he acknowledged he missed out on many things because he was never home...and now calls all his four children several times a week and does things with my mother and no one else. So, I think it's a normal man thing. My husband tends to be like that too, when he gets around his buddies, I may as well be a wall flower. But he comes back every now and then and I know that you just need to "share" them. Good luck, you are not alone!

Answer 2

Some men think that as long as there is food on the table and a nice house for the family to live in. And money for the wife to get what they need and want is a enough but for some that just not it. Some need to have a different love but some don't know how Or they forgot how. All people get in to this thing were they do the same thing every day and they forget the world a round them. Like when you first get with someone you're so happy and then after a couple of years you start to do the same thing every day will it's the same thing. So now you need to think of away to get him to look at the other part of the family. ok he like sports. Will then this is what you for xmas you get him some sport thing he likes but it for all the family to go. If that doesn't work then try talking to his friends wife and see if you guys can get something going so the boy will see your familys. Also when you're talking to him about you marriage never say to a man that he is neglecting your marriage. because to him right now he think he's not. And he think you're talk about his man houd. So one other thing you could do is play the sex game to get him to see you just long enough that you can fix your marriage but know this won't happien over night. But this is what you can do you get a camer sorry about the spelling i'm bad at it and just so you know I'm not a kid I'm 31almost 32 But back to what i was saying. Get a camer take pc of you and put them where he will find them at work and not just any pc but sexy pc with that write a note about what you where thinking when you toke those pc and be very deep about it. And about the time you think he as see it and had time to look and maybe look in his head about you call and say hi I just thought I would call and tell you I'm thinking of you goodby and you do different one everyday intell you get your husband back. The litter need to get dirter with each on. but I hope I help you

Answer 3

unfortunately, it seems that you've been letting him get away with this for a long time. So it's going to be almost impossible to stop him now. This type of behavior has to be stopped when your first married, if at all. And if this is something new, that he just started, then he's pulling away from you, maybe the "guy" things are not just guys! But if it's an old thing, then you just have to decide if you can live with it, if you can, go on with life, take up things to do when he's gone, with the kids or girlfriends. Join a club, or group. If you can't live with it, suggest counseling or if it's bad maybe some time apart will help him decide to spend more time with the family. I can understand, my hubby was a hunter and fisherman. I had to decide that I could live with it, or not, and I eventually learned to live with it, and do my own things.

Answer 4

Well my dear I'm afraid you have my husband in a nut shell. After 7 years of marriage he did the same thing. It took my packing up and leaving him for him to realize what he had been doing of course it was too late. Men get married for a lot of reasons and believe it or not a lot of them don't marry for love but rather so they can have the life their buddies have. The kids, some one to clean and care for the home, etc. Now your hubby may love you but he is not in love with you. When someone is "in" love with you they respect you and your opinions. Unfortunately, having children and life in general have a way of chewing up the love a man might have for his wife and I fear this is your situation. I suggest you read the book by Greg Berhent (sp?) called "He's just not that into you" I am positive you will find your husband in the pages of this book. I know, I did. I know that this is a very hard time for you but I can tell you that wasting your time on a man that treats you like this is foolish. You deserve better! Coming from the other side of a relationship like yours I can tell you life is so more joyous when you are truly loved and appreciated. Go find someone who will love you more than your husband. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best of luck.

Answer 5

It is time for you to put your foot down he is simply neglecting his responsibilities as a husband and a father. You must tell him that if he does not start acting like he is married and to start putting your marriage in front of his buddies then he will just be seeing
divorce and custody paper's becuase your tired of putting up with his crap he has duties to you and his kids first and foremost and needs to except and realize that 20yrs man you been putting up with this long enough stand up for yourself and the kids he needs to grow up. God Bless and may your husband wake up and smell the coffee.

Answer 6

I would wake up on his day off earlier than him and as soon as he wakes up tell him you need to talk. Tell him how you and the kids feel. He really does love you, he will listen and then take action. Tell him you need him every now and now then but don't yell or anything. If he doesn't listen, tell him that he needs to spend time with the family or the two of you will grow apart and the result could be a split up or divorce.

Answer 7

You may have to make him think that he has lost you. Tell him that you're leaving him and then do it. If he comes to his senses and begs you to come back then you can tell him that it has to be a marriage and not a 'room mate' situation. If he does not pursue you then just let him go. You'll find someone else who will treat you right!

Answer 8

honey, if he won't make time for you (and your kids) he's only worried about himself. I'm surprised you didn't mention what I get from reading this - that he's cheating on you. he needs to wake up. my hubby has been ignoring me for months, glued to the TV when he's home, and I finally found out the truth so his new girlfriend and I are going to confront him together on Wednesday (can't wait to see the look on his face!) I hope this isn't happening to you as well but if I were you I would do some digging for the truth!!!

Answer 9

You need to let him know who comes first, he's putting his work and friends in front of you and your kids. you need to remind him that it's fun to hang out with you plan a fun day or weekend, suprise him so he cant say no, take him to a out of town football game and just buy two tickets, you need a weekend alone so that he can learn to appreciate you again!

Answer 10

Looks like an easy decision to me. Leave him. He might not even notice for a couple weeks. Take him for child support and alimony (then he WILL need to work that extra day).

Go find someone who actually wants a family.