Is my boyfriend looking for an internet fling? Or am I just over paranoid?!?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together now for 4yrs, and engaged for 2, but I cannot help feeling suspicious of him. I recently found, through checking his emails, that he had signed up for an internet dating site and was able to see who he had 'flirted with' by signing in as him (-he stupidly uses the same password for EVERYTHING!). More recently I could see from the back history of his server homepage that he had also looked at singles dating websites and nightclub info for another country (-the same country that he just happens be working in for a couple of weeks after christmas). He works away alot and I dont doubt that this is what he is doing, but am I right to be suspicious? Or should I just leave it and stop spying in him? I obviously should not be looking at his personal emails, which makes it harder to ask him about it. If only I could get hold of his phone...... trouble is he keeps it on him at all times! Am I a bunny boiler?!!.. Should I just trust him?

Answer 1

If you found this from snooping. You may be wrong for snooping but you did find things that are of a concern. I think you have every right to be concerned esp after now that you know this.
First of all, i think a person knows after a yr and half whether tha twill be the person they want to marry. I can't underestand and don't agree with people being engaged for over a 2 yrs. I think its a waste of time, life is too short to be engaged for yrs lol.
Why buy the cow when u get the milk for free?

I wanted to email this to you but you don't have any contact info.
Girls vs. Grown Women
Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.
Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.
Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.
Girls hold grudges, stay mad for 40 years, and don't get mad but get even
Grown women confront the situation and don't get mad but get ahead
Girls envy those who move ahead and hate the players
Grown women shares her knowledge and help other move ahead by not hating the players but teaching the rules to the game
Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'Lock' you down.
Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it--using it as a time for personal growth.
Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.
Girls make you come.
Grown women make you come home.
Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.
Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e. don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends!
Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his manhood.
Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that's was just one man.
Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, doesn't always love you back and moves on without bitterness.
Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other grown women!!

Answer 2

All men are after a fling, period.

We just like to fool you women that we can be faithful from time to time.

Try this scenario out on any man.

Absloutely stunning female, your complete fantasy walks upto you and asks if you'd like to spend the night with her AND her twin sister. Your working away 1000 miles from home, her house, no further contact, nobody would ever know.
What man would say no? Just about none.

What i'm trying to say is, there is a point at where all men (and women) will be unfaithful, it's just a case of working out where that point is for your fella.

If it's where he will jump into bed with anyone at a minutes notice then you should walk away, if it's close to what i said above then maybe not.

The online chatting and flirting for some girls is not an issue, for others it is, only you know that.

Answer 3

Oh wow this is more than just going to chat sites. I would be very supicious and I would definetly confront him regardless of how you received the information. He is suposed to be YOUR fiance and he is not acting like a faithful one at the moment. My advice would be to confront him and tell him how you preceive the information that you found and how it made you feel. Tell him you are having a very hard time trusting him. Make sure you notify yourself of the dates that he did such things so you can go back and check for yourself to see if it has stopped. If you find that he changed his password, I would bow out of the engagement now while you still have some years left to find mister right who will love you and only have eyes for you.

Good Luck

Michelle

Answer 4

Do you really need to ask if you should trust a man who has signed up for dating sites and is look for nightclubs (dating ideas) in other countries? Of course you're right to be suspicious-- he's most likely dating other women and forgot to tell you.

Answer 5

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it probably is a duck! I wouldn't trust him! You have every right to be paranoid about it! Ask him about it, if he gets upset and mad about you asking then he probably is cheating on you! Sadly I know the opposite side of your story! I was with a guy and I started looking for an internet fling. He became suspicious and I got very mad. In the end, he was right to get suspicious and upset. Although we ended up getting back together and I haven't looked since then, it was still a mess! If he gets upset, then you know he's messing around! Good luck!

Answer 6

No you have every reason to be suspicious. What cell phone provider does he use? Most of them have websites if you can get a hold of one of his bills and get his account number you can open an account online to pay the bills (thats what you will tell him it's for) but they also have call details that will show you all the calls that were made and for how long. And all text messages sent.... :) I know that sounds awful .. but one of my ex boyfriends cheated on me for years before I ever found out ... ALOT of wasted years.. I became Spy Queen after that haha

Answer 7

Sorry, but he doesn't sound deserving of your trust. And if you are feeling that you have to resort to spying on him to find out if he's into just you or not, well, that isn't a very solid, trusting relationship. I would try to tell him about your insecurities of his commitment to you without going into detail about internet dating sites, etc. See how he responds to you and this will tell you if you're right to be suspicious, which unfortunately I think you are.

Answer 8

Looking at clubs isnt the big deal, but looking at singles in that country to is wrong!!! i have a profile on a dating site thats really old and every so offen check it probley about every few months to see if any has messaged just for an ego boost and im in a relationship! but i would never do anything about it. could this be case?

Answer 9

If I was with someone who did that to me I would have dumped them straight away. It's clear you don't trust him if you have hacked into his MySpace and are checking his messages. What kind of relationship is that? If I were you I would just cut my losses and either forget all about it and trust him or I would leave him, you can't carry on in a relationship where all you are doing is checking up on him. A relationship is based on trust. Good luck.

Answer 10

errr, forgive me for being a cynic, but NO.
As sad as it is, when it gets to this point, there is usually reason for suspicion.
sadly there is no way in which you could confront him directly without revealing your snooping (which looses you the moral high ground you totally deserve).
so try to approach it in an indirect fashion - perhaps you were typing in an address into your browser and his came up (you know when you start typing an address, if you've been there before the rest gets suggested automatically) in that case you may have only typed in www.a and it came up with www.assholesunited - or whatever
and then try to say as little as possible and see how he reacts. the more guilty he acts, the more he has to hide.
good luck!!