I will be 32 soon and my biological clock is resounding. I have been living with the same man fo almost 9 yrs. We will marry soon. The probem is he has a benign brain tumor but it is inoperable. He is currently undergoing radiation treatments. There is a moderate risk that he may be disabled to what extent we can't be sure. If the radiation doesn't work he may only live for another ten yrs. or so. I want a baby with him so badly but he thinks it's irresponsible because of his health. Life is about risks, right? There are no guarantees for anyone. How can I convince him?
2006-11-27 02:45:58 · 20 answers · asked by puglove 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Its better to be born and have a father who dies when your ten than it is to not be born at all.
2006-11-27 02:49:25 · answer #1 · answered by epbr123 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say go for it. There's no guarantees that you won't get hit by a bus before he could die or be disabled. Trying to convince him of that though might be hard.
My DH and I had decided to have kids and then found out he had MS. It may leave him very disabled someday. We almost decided to stop trying and then found out we were pregnant.
There are no guarantees in life and having a child can only enrich your lives. I'd let him know that you love him and that you know what the risks are due to his health and that you are prepared to take on that responsibility *if* something should happen. Good luck.
2006-11-27 10:48:44 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOu've been together 9 years... it sounds like youve been saying you'll get married soon for a really really long time....
I think you guys should try. He should have some sort of legacy to enjoy and possibly leave behind if things dont pan out.
I'd want the man i love to leave me a part of him, even if it meant raising a his child alone... what better gift to both of you than a child.
Yeah its hard, and yeah it'll be hard on the child, but life is hard. Parents die at any time in our lives, it doesnt mean they didnt provide a good life.
Talk it over with him, but realize he might just not be willing.
2006-11-27 10:52:24 · answer #3 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
life is always about risks, always. Nobody knows if they will live till old age. When I was 8 yrs old my dad was resuscitated twice because his heart failed. He was hit by a lady who ran a red light going 55 mph and he was riding his motorcycle at the time and it was July 18, my mother's birthday. His motorcycle was a wreck and so was his body. He had broken both of his legs and feet and stayed in the hospital for a 1yr. My father is a retired marine corps gunny Sergent. Before than, even when he had two children at the time, He protected the prime minister of Lebanon, and took a bullet for him. My dad was in battle and a woman had a grenade she threw the pin, but not the grenade and almost wiped out 20 people. My dad risked his life to save many people. My father had a bazooka and it was faulty and blew up in his face when he fired it. My father has diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer in his kidney. He never worried about this, because he knew that he will take the good with the bad. Tell your husband about this, even if he knows he won't have much time to life, it is better to have live and loved than to have never loved. A baby he would cherish, and he look up from heaven if he passes. tell him, life is all about chances.
2006-11-27 10:59:49 · answer #4 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really a hard question. Does he just not want you to have a permanent reminder of him when he is gone or does his doctors say that he should not have sex? If its the doctors saying that it is not good for his health then you might want to look into having him and yourself going through artificial insemination. They take his sperm and your egg and join them together with out sexual contact so that might be an option. But if it is that he does not want you to have a child that will remind you of him and the brain tumor. Then don't take this wrong but he is being selfish. I really don't mean to be heartless sounding but if that is the case then heartless I am. Sit down with him and talk about why he does not want to have a child with you. Next time he goes to the doctor ask the doctor if it is safe for him to conceive. Exhaust every possibility and good luck.
2006-11-27 10:54:21 · answer #5 · answered by pandiebear17 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that its obvious you love him, especially if your willing to stick it out while hes going through everything. I don't think its irresponsible. You want a baby and I can tell you by not having one you'll be missing out on alot and since sticking it out with him means he might be gone when your in your forties, tell him its unfair to you.
I once saw an episode of Greys Anatomy, the woman had cancer but was pregnant, if they didn't start kemo therepy soon she wouldn't make it but it would have killed the baby. She chose to have her baby, she knew it would be left in good hands with her husband. And yes i know its only a television show, but it made me all teary eyed because children are beautiful and any GOOD person deserves to have the best things in life if they so decide. Tell him if you do have a baby, hes got Hopefully for you and him, plenty of time to watch his child grow. And he should understand that he would be leaving the child with a good momma. I hope all works out for you.
2006-11-27 11:00:19 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki Lynn 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should have a baby with him. I would first investigate any risk that might happen with you or the baby with your husband haveing a brian tumor ( if there is any).
I think you both need something (a meomory) to have just in case his radiation does not work
2006-11-27 10:53:02 · answer #7 · answered by Bantuknots 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is something y'all will have to decide and no one can tell you the answer. I will tell you it is not irresponsible as long as y'all are a good healthy(stable) couple and do not push the child off when things get bad later on with him. I think that as long as you have the sources to care for a child by yourself then go for it ( because sooner or later you will have to face that)
Sorry but Good Luck to both of you
2006-11-27 10:52:22 · answer #8 · answered by mommy of 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, everybody should have babies! Have two or three! Except in China... I think against the law or something... Oh, and if he is on radiation, you might have a tough time getting fertile sperm. There are simple tests to determine that.
2006-11-27 10:47:43 · answer #9 · answered by physics guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These days, a baby is lucky if one parent gives half a crap about it. Sounds like you BOTH would care a great deal for the child. And, it is far from selfish to want to reproduce. It is natural. Please try to get him to see this in a new light. If you can convince him, I think it would be good for all 3 of you.
2006-11-27 10:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why spend your time trying to "convince" a man who is trying to fight a brain tumor? He needs positive support and understanding. He certainly doesn't need to argue or defend his decisions right now. If he doesn't want a child then let it be. Give him 100% of your support while he deals with his health. Now is not the time to be selfish.
2006-11-27 10:57:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋