ok, my adult daughter wants to go away to visit her extended family for christmas and take her baby and its breaking my heart. I have never spent christmas without her and i cant believe she would rather spend the holiday with the people who have not ever done anything for her. She tells me i need to learn to share her and her daughter, and im being selfish. i dont know how to respond to her, maybe i am being selfish, but they are all i have. i have made plans for months for christmas, and cant believe she just decided to go away for a visit. i am so hurt and angry. i know that christmas is really just another day, or so i keep telling my self. pleas give me some advice, am i being selfish? i just cant imagine christmas without her and my baby grandaughter. she hasent seen her family for a year, and i know she misses them, but why choose them over me?
2006-11-27 02:43:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
go with her and the problem is solve
:> peace
.
2006-11-30 15:22:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This happens a lot when our children become adults and have to share themselves at Christmas. If you cannot go with your daughter then perhaps you need to ask if she plans of taking turns each Christmas, one with you then one with extended family. I realize that it makes for a bit of an empty time but she has grown now and as such has the right to be where she so chooses. Perhaps to help your own Christmas you can volunteer for a shelter or somewhere for people less fortunate than yourself. Not only will it make their day but you will feel much more grateful for what you have in life and probably have a blast playing Mrs. Claus or one of his elves. Ha!. Have a great holiday season and Christmas.
2006-11-27 02:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Key word "ADULT" daughter. If she wants to spend Christmas with noone in the bahamas she can because she's an ADULT. I am sure she will love you but you cannot control everthing all the time. It's not a matter of choosing someone and valuing them greater. Put yourself in her prespective. If you desired to go to visit someone else you really love would you like your mom basically saying if you don't visit me you don't love me. That is manipulation. Why do you feel so obsessed about it? If they go somewhere will you be alone for Christmas? I am sure you have other extended family you can see too. But I think If you really want a family and you don't have one the best place to find one is at Church.
2006-11-27 02:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in that case, do what you can not to pressure her to stay with you. Tell her why you want her to stay over for Christmas, maybe she has no idea why you want her there so much. Tell her that if she really wants to see this other family, there are other times in the year when that can be done. If she wants to see them for Christmas, if they have a webcam, she can see them that way. If she wants to see them face - to - face, then maybe next Christmas, you allow her to see this other family. I'm sure everything will work out and you are not selfish for wanting your daughter to stay.
2006-11-27 02:49:43 · answer #4 · answered by the_post2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Celebrate Christmas before she leaves town. Yes, you are being selfish - as you said, she is your adult daughter, and is making her own decisions. I am sure her extended family misses her also. To keep from being lonely Christmas, volunteer to help feed the needy and the homeless. You will feel amazingly good.
2006-11-27 02:50:02 · answer #5 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I can see why you are upset here. Maybe ask her to go before or even the day after Christmas. Explain to her in a nice calm non-demanding manner what all you have already done to prepare for Christmas.
But they are family to and over the holidays you want to see everyone and feel a special bond. Please be calm and just talk to her and I hope you 2 can work things out so that NO gets their feelings hurt.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-27 02:50:08 · answer #6 · answered by hummingbird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes...you are being selfish. She is a mother now, and has a right to make her own decisions on how to spend her holiday. Who said you can only celebrate Christmas on December 25th....have your big celebration either before she travels or after she comes back home.
2006-11-27 02:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by BiancaVee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down I think your looking to far into it! I'm sure it took her ALOT of courage to tell you! She loves you very much and I'm sure she thought her decision out! I doubt it was made out of selfishness or intent to hurt you. Also, if you make a big deal it's only going to make her feel awkward to come see you after wards.So my advise; tell her how you feel but, in a nonjudgmental way,And wish her good luck and the best of wishes on her trip.I'm sure there will be much bigger problems to face! P.S Buy your Granddaughter the most noisy toy you can and insist she take it!!!! : )
2006-11-27 04:04:55 · answer #8 · answered by queenlandry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe its because they always have christmas with you and they dont spend none with the other family its only once that u havent had a holiday with her there will be more times...!!!
2006-11-27 02:49:37 · answer #9 · answered by emmaline_tran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey....I'm somebody's daughter....I'll tell u what I feel u should do...ur being a tini-wini bit selfish...I think u should let her have some time with her extended family.....OR......u could ask her if u could go with them .........u know what I mean?????
2006-11-27 03:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet pie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already answered your own question, my question is why you don't bother to go also. If it is all family, you should do it. You sound childish and selfish beyond measure. She is family, not your property.
2006-11-27 02:47:15 · answer #11 · answered by pedohunter1488 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋