Should I stay in a marriage that is causing me health problems?

Question

I have been married for 20 years to an emotionally abusive moody,angry man. I have tried to hang in their for religious reasons as well as for my kids. But I am suffering from stress related health problems now and even my blood pressure is being affected. He has made numerous promises to change his ways and turn over a new leaf. He promised to stop being so self centered and make me and the kids a priority in his life. He is also a workaholic and hobbyaholic.He is non comunicative and arrogant when I bring up these issues. He has changed extremely little over the years and only temporary. He soon goes back to his old ways and I am in the throes of the same old battles again. I swear, I can't take much more of this. I try to forgive him when he apologizes and says he will do better. How or why should I keep believing him? I am literally sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to get off this roller coaster but I can't seem to budge one way or the other to free myself from this

Answer 1

Paul’s words at 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 encourage marriage mates to stay together. Yet, some, after trying very hard to preserve their marriage relationship, have finally decided that, in all conscience, they have no choice but to separate. What may be the grounds for such a step?

Willful nonsupport is one basis for separation. When entering wedlock, a husband assumes the responsibility of providing for his wife and any children they may have. The man who does not provide for members of his household “has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Timothy 5:8) So separation is possible if there is willful nonsupport.

Extreme physical abuse is another basis for separation.(Proverbs 23:29-35)
If the point is reached where the health and life of the abused mate actually are in jeopardy, separation would be allowable scripturally.

Absolute endangerment of spirituality also provides a basis for separation. If an unbelieving mate’s opposition (perhaps including physical restraint) makes it genuinely impossible to pursue true worship and actually imperils the believer’s spirituality.

And of course adultery leaves the innocent mate free to divorce the unfaithful one. Matthew 5|32

Answer 2

You should NEVER stay in a bad marriage just for the kids. If fact, if your kids see you guys fighting all the time, it will do them MORE harm than if you got divorced. God would not want you to stay in an abusive relationship, He wants you to be happy. Have you spoken a priest or similar? You need counseling to help you with your suffering and you need to PLAN your separation from this angry person. The BOTH OF YOU need to make sure that your kids DO NOT suffer any more, DO NOT fight around them, you may not love each other anymore but that does not mean you cannot be CIVILIZED parents. You ARE stronger that you know, go seek help and start this separation process ASAP for your health and happiness. ;->

Answer 3

There's an old saying. Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me. How many times does he need to say I'm sorry before you realize he doesn't have a clue about being sorry. You can't make anyone change and this man doesn't sound like he wants to. You said part of your staying was due to religious beliefs, well have you prayed to GOD about your situation? I know for a fact that this isn't the life GOD intended for you to have. You need to get out of there as soon as you can. Honey if you can't change them, leave them for a better one. GOD bless you and good luck.

Answer 4

You have two choices... make a life of your own (stay married, live in the house, do your chores) find your own hobbies and friends. Let him live his workaholic/ hobbyholic life. The second choice is to divorce him, which really not solve your stress problem because you will be stressed about money and the divorce
You are not going to change him. He can not change, this is his nature. Just like he could not change you into being a alcoholic. Stop wanting that "leave it beaver" style of living. He is not capable of that kind of lifestyle. Don't think of him as being "bad" just accept him for his good qualities (money) and get on with your life.

Answer 5

This is the perfect case where religion is causing harm, not good. If you are suffering emotionally, or otherwise, get away from the cause. Your God does not want you to suffer like this regardless of what your religious leaders tell you. Leave and never look back because your husband is not only abusing you, he is using you because he knows you will not leave him.

Get with your kids and let them know after you have sought a lawyer and filed your paperwork.

Answer 6

I can't say it any better than what Jon O said!

Answer 7

I would threaten and then I would leave

Answer 8

divorce