My husband and I do not get along with his ex-wife, and there are 2 kids, and we have 50/50 custody of them, so we are forced to deal with her a lot more than wanted. People have suggested a moderator?, mediator? since no one can ever talk decent to one another. How does this work, cost? Does this mean they counsel us, or are the middle man, so that we never have to talk to her?
2006-11-27 01:58:56 · 5 answers · asked by squirt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no third party person we know of that would be mediator, because there are no mutual family or friends. I am the closest thing, she calls and talks to me most of the time, because she thinks that is easier because my husband hates her, but i don't want to talk to her anymore than my husband. The kids know this, but not upset by it, because they dislike her as well.
2006-11-27 02:16:57 · update #1
The only time that I know of that a mediator was involved is in a child custody case. I've never heard of them being hired to mediate couples that can't get along. Is there a third party family member or friend that both your husband and ex-wife can communicate through?
The best thing for you to do is let them communicate without your involvement to. Whether you like it or not, its their kids (I noticed you said "we" alot) and your involvement probably isn't helping much. You don't have to have any communication with her at all. Not only will that make it easier on you but probably on her too.
I feel bad for the kids, I hope they don't sense the anger/hatred you and your husband have toward their mother or visa versa.
2006-11-27 02:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by April L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mediator talks to both parents and the children, and then makes a decision in the best interests of all parties involved so that the visitation is arranged and there is no wavering. It's not a bad idea if you cannot get along, but it's not cheap, either. I think it's ashame when you can't get along to make life easier on the children. He married her, he had kids with her, and he should be able to talk to her without hostility. Neither of them should bad-mouth the other in front of the children, either. If they do, they are immature and awful parents. They should expect to have to deal with each other until the last child is out of school. That is the life they carved for themselves. (If you make your bed, you lie in it.) When you married him, you knew he had baggage. You need to make an effort to be civil to this woman for the sake of your step-children whom you should be trying to love because they are your husband's children. Many couples with joint custody work out an arrangement via their attorney. The primary custodian (the parent the children live with during the school year) changes in the summer ...the other parent gets them most of the summer...and the weekends go every other all year if you live in the same area. If the ex is not upholding her custody and visitation schedule, you can take legal recourse by contacting an attorney to force this issue. But keep the kids out of it.
2006-11-27 02:11:06 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In MOST situations it is a friend or family member that is neutral.. in a situation not to long ago.... there was a woman dating a man and his ex ( mother of child ) was a brutal woman.. therefore.. Communication between the three adults was NEVER pretty.. as a mediator we got a friend who was on neutral ground.. this person would pick up the child or drop them off.. if there was any messages or something needed to be said it was passed a long..
HOWEVER in most situations a mediator can just be a person DURING a sesssion that sits and listens and keeps the peace.. truly depends on what you are looking for..
You can have either or both.. GOOD LUCK
2006-11-27 02:02:57 · answer #3 · answered by mandie_j_lee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Moderator/Mediator basically the same thing. The court can appoint one for you. Most don't have a cost to you that I know of. That person is like a Guardian Ad Litem for the children, except he/she is completely neutral. It is a necessity for those who, like you said, can't talk decently to each other. I am sorry for your problem, but it is solvable. Good luck to you. Nana
2006-11-27 02:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having this big of a problem with her then i would definitely get one... not sure of the cost, but i am sure the court system could suggest one to you. the court my see it fit to split the cost also. good luck!
2006-11-27 02:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by Sara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋