IS IT SO BAD to give the children to the new wife and ex-husband?

Question

He left his wife for her. She has one child. The ex-wife sacrificed everything during the marraige, was the person responsible for the kids 89% of the time and now she wants to live a life. The kids are 5 and 9. His kids already know the new wife's kids because they all grew up together. The ex-wife wants to move two hours away to a better job and have the kids for a six days a month and alternate holidays, 6 weeks in the summer. Men do this all of th ethe time and no one complains. Why is it so terrible for a woman ( and it is usually women who give her a hard time about it.)

Answer 1

It's terrible for anyone to suddenly want a life of their own when their kids are still small. Five and nine is nowhere near old enough to understand why mom suddely wants a life without them- especially since up until now she's been their primary caregiver (89 percent of the time). Parents aren't supposed to have the freedom to decide suddenly that they only want their kids for a handful of days out of the month. She's hurting her children and needs to think about someone other than herself. It's selfish and disgusting.

Answer 2

Because we were made to believe that Women are supposed to take care of everything and men are to support. Well we have all come a long way and we are OK with Women doing the supposed duties but with add ones, Working, supporting self and children and yeah some men help support. But women we always take the children. I know women who gave their newborns to the husbands a just walked away. and ones that were at toddle age. Men can do and should be excepted to take the children after divorce / breakup its their child to. and all of them grew up just find. Still have a good relationship with both parents.
should you feel bad HELL NO. You are still a good person, a good mother, a good women. and Don't let any one tell you any different. Those who give you a hard time are the ones that didn't have the guts to do themselves.
Stand Tall

Answer 3

Because the mother of the child carries the child in her body and gives birth, and nurses the baby, she is the natural person to love the child more and want to nurture him/her. A mother who willingly gives up her child may live to regret the decision down the road and it does damage to the child who knows his/her mother has rejected him/her and is giving him/her away to someone else to raise. If my mother only wanted to visit me, I'd have been an emotional wreck. Mother's are supposed to love you the best and most. This is different than putting your child up for adoption (if you cannot raise a child, adoption is a loving thing to do...but then you don't ever see that child again..you let that child get on with a new life). In your case, your child will be with his/her father and a new wife and only have visits with you. You want to move away from them. I think you will really be sorry later on when they don't want to come visit you anymore because they have a new life and new woman whom they now call "Mom." And they will always have emotional scars knowing their natural mother abandonned them for a JOB. And, by the way, I think it's just as bad when men abandon their children! My mother grew up without a father in her life (one visit a month, when he remembered). She never understood it, and she always missed him. It was a huge hurt.

Answer 4

When I meet my husband he was raising his 3 kids,his wife lived in the same town and would come and get the kids every other weekend and other times when they agreed to it,It worked out real good for them then.Lots of things happen she has since moved away and the kids don't get to she her,which I wish could be different because they need to know that part of their life.I love those kids with all of my heart they are my babies,I wouldn't want to change having them here with me,Do I think she was wrong for letting my husband raise them?no,she knew what was best for them.So to answer your question I think if this is what this woman feels is right then that is what she should do.As long as she stays apart of the kids lives,and never lets them forget how much they mean to her,It's not like she is wanting to get rid of them and never be apart of their lives,You can't worry about what everyone else Say's you just have to do what you know in your heart is right.

Answer 5

I think they should be with the parent that provides the most stability be it the father or the mother. I have a very good friend who got his son after the divorce. That was the best for the child. He sees his mom and his 2 new brothers and thanked his mom for leaving him with his dad and new stepmom. In their situation it worked out for the best. So I don't think it's bad as long as the mom stays in the picture and pays support etc just like a man would be expected to do.

Answer 6

Right now, you are thinking very selfishly. Why not think about how the kids would feel about being shuffled off to live with someone else. Have you even talked to them about it? Have you spoken to you ex-husband about it? There's nothing worse for a child from a broken home (which is stressful enough for them), then to get sent to a place where they're not wanted.

Before you do anything, you need to talk to your ex about whether or not they are willing to take the kids, then you need to talk to the kids about whether or not they are okay with it as well.

They may already be blaming themselves for the divorce, you don't want them thinking that you don't want them either. Think about it, because in their minds, you will be the bad guy in this situation as they will take this as a rejection from their mother.

Answer 7

Maybe she will be better in the future to take care of them. And if she took them now they would always have no money and be problems in the house. Look into the long run on this. What works for some don't for others. If this is what she choses and she pays the child support then what's wrong.

Answer 8

You are right, this happens all the time and *usually* the mother has primary custody and the father has visitation. When it goes the other way around it's just surprising because we aren't used to it. She needs to ignore the people giving her a hard time, as long as all the parties involved are okay with the arrangement (and she pays child support) it's nobody else's business.

Answer 9

not at all. people are so judgemental about the role of "mother" . as long as the children understand that their mom is doing it for their best insterest then that's all they have to wory about. mom will always love them. maybe she'll have a better opportunty for herself financial and for the support of her children. she must trust the new wife and i find it admirable, she must be a very stong person. she is not shirking her responsibilites or abandoning her children. a relative of mine did the same thing and her children are happy and healthy. my other relative didn't like it at first either, someone always has an opinion, but it's none of their business. you have to do what's best for the children first and that's all that matters. children have roots as well. it could be devastating to them not only to have their father not in the home but to have a new mom, have to go go a new school and making friends. in the new situation they'll still have a normal and secure path. good for the father that wants his children. and thank the new wife for opening her heart to them. bravo. the people with their closed minded opinions need to take care of their own homes. this situation is not all that uncommon. bravo.

Answer 10

I don't think it is terrible. One has to do what is in the best interest of the children. If they will be in a safe, loving, nurturing environment than I don't see a problem.

People can't fathom a mother voluntarily deciding to leave her children but it is really no different than a man.

As long as the mother is going to be in their life and isn't truly "abandoning" them.

Nobody deserves an explanation for "why"; it's none of their business.