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Ive recently split up with my g/f after a 4 year relationship and a child that is now 8 months old.

I was horrible to her, meaning I was selfish, unloving, moody all of the time and very off hand. One minute im ok and in a good mood the next im horrible and in a terrible mood.

I never changed before and didnt realise what i had until it all disappeared.

I personaly think my problems could be due to the way i was brought up, as i seen lots of violence and abuse in my younger years and i always had to think of myself and look after myself as most of the time there was no one else to do things for me. I left home at the age of 15, maybe this is why i am so selfish and find it hard to show love, as ive never been shown any different.

I recently asked to be reffered to a Phsychaiatrist so i can get some professional help wich i am now waiting on for an appointment. Im really putting in the effort and ive admited ive got a problem, How do i get her to love me again or will i ever

2006-11-27 01:44:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

15 answers

If she put up with you for as long as she did with you being the way you were then she must have loved you very much, and she probably still does. You have to let her see that you're dedicated to sorting out the issues you have and that you won't treat her like that again. But before you make her believe it you have to believe it youself. Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is fantastic, but it's only the first step, you have long journey ahead of you.

I think you should write her a letter telling her everything that you've just told us. Make sure she knows that you're sorry, that you still love her and that you're getting help. After you've had a few sessions with your psychiatrist you should go to her and tell her the progress you've made. Tell her whether or not you think you're sure you won't go back to how you were before and only when you're sure you won't should you ask her to take you back. But the most important thing is that you're getting the help you need before you go back to her. You owe that to yourself and to your baby.

Best of luck with everything.

2006-11-27 01:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by Ally 4 · 0 0

She could still love you but just not enough any more. Look at what you have put her through. You have done the right thing looking for help I admire that. Let your ex see that you are getting help and addressing your issues. Don't force yourself on her. Don't keep telling her that your getting help. I imagine that you have always been very sorry and said that you will change and it wont happen again. Now she will need to see, from a distance that you are helping yourself. It wouldn't be fair to expect her to compromise your child's well being. By this i mean that children, although they tend to bounce back, need a loving environment to live in. They shouldn't have to experience violence or aggression of any type. After all they learn alot from their parents. Time is a good healer. Help yourself focus on that first. Then as you learn the skills to deal with your past and aggression she could reconsider. Stay focused and remember Rome wasnt built in a day.

2006-11-27 11:33:56 · answer #2 · answered by cinders 3 · 0 0

You have taken such a big step in admitting that you have a problem, and it's amazing that you are actually doing something about it. I really hope that the therapy works for you. I assume you have told your partner that you are getting help - if you haven't let her know, as then she will see that you are trying to change. Do not put any pressure on her - you cannot make some one love you, and if her love for you has died, it will be very hard for you to regain what you once had. Let her know that you are prepared to give her as much time and space as she needs, but that you do really want to make your relationship work. Why not suggest that you have some couple's therapy together (Relate for example), but you must be prepared to do a lot of hard work. I wish you lots of luck.

2006-11-27 10:45:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You can't make someone love you. What you can do is make sure that your baby has two loving parents, even if you aren't together, and that he/she has a better life than you were given. You can also show your girlfriend that you are making an effort and start opening yourself up to her. Make her aware that you love her and you're sorry for how you treated her, but be aware that she may not want to reconcile. Well done for getting help though. It's the first step to recovery.

2006-11-27 09:51:12 · answer #4 · answered by Princesspoison 3 · 0 0

just take things one day at a time.. you have a child together and that is a really strong bond. you need to be there for your ex and your child but without being too pushy, she will realise that she wants to be with you in good time, if that is what she wants. i think you are right about saying you want to get help with your problems and i admire you for admiting that, maybe if you wrote your ex a letter explaining why you found it difficult to show your affection maybe she will begin to understand!!!!! good luck and i hope you sort things out, but if you dont get back together, still do your best for your child!!!

2006-11-27 09:57:16 · answer #5 · answered by lp261084 2 · 0 0

I think the fact that you've admitted to yourself that you have a problem, shows that you are dealing with it the best way you can, as for getting your girlfriend to love you I think it's not impossible, but you have to show her how much she means to you and that your willing to do anything to get her back. Give her space and continue with the self discovery, it's all good and you'll discover that your not all bad, there is something good about you.

2006-11-27 13:43:30 · answer #6 · answered by bty912324 2 · 0 0

you can't make someone love you. the best thing to do is focus on making yourself the best person you can be. then either you will be single but happy, or maybe in time in the future she will want you back - you do have a kid together.
good luck - just be there for her the best way you can but don't expect love. from the way you treated her just be lucky she's still talking to you!

2006-11-27 09:51:16 · answer #7 · answered by Empress 6 · 0 0

Be open and honest...you have a child together so you will always have that in common...it is obvious you love her, but you need to show her that!

Ask her to come over and talk to you...tell her how you feel

Good Luck

2006-11-27 09:50:56 · answer #8 · answered by sandwichbird 1 · 0 0

you cant make her love you again, but you could ask her too be your friend, show her the effort your making, if she doesnt want you, prove your a worthy dad, but baby first make the effort and prove yourself, however your feeling always be civil, i respond to my ex if he is, if he goes off on one forget it i dont wanna know, let her know how your getting on, remain involved with your babe, all the best

2006-11-27 11:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by apple 2 · 0 0

Don't even try. Try to regain her friendship first and maybe if she sees you are seriously trying to be a better person she will love you again but don't force it be her friend first

2006-11-27 10:07:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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