Question about monogamy.?

Question

So; I've been reading some questions about polyamory in Y!A, and it got me thinking. Are the concepts of "monogamy" and "unconditional love" mutually exclusive? Because if you love someone with no conditions, no reservations, no stipulations or strings, then wouldn't you want them to be happy, without being possessive or jealous if the bringer of that happiness isn't always just you? Please be detailed.

Call_it_like_it_is: My definition of "unconditional love" is pretty standard if you've seen a dictionary--"love without conditions." Defining love is a bit harder and more personal, but I usually define it as "when someone else's happiness is intrinsic to your own." When I mentioned wanting someone to be happy even if it's not with you, the implication was that the feeling was mutual--sorry if you didn't infer that. So how, exactly, is that "unhealthy dependence?" Dependence would be looking for in other people what you fail to find (or fail to look for) within yourself.

Answer 1

Well, monogamy is a condition, so of course it's mutually exclusive to unconditional love. The answer's right there in semantics--"I love you, but only if you love only me." I think you knew the answer to this before you asked it, and wanted to rub it in people's faces. Polyamory is cool, but I don't think it would classify as unconditional love, either--"I love you, but only if you don't try to own me." Come to think of it, I don't think there is such a thing as unconditional love--it's just a matter of finding conditions you're okay with.

And no need to be rude, David M. Polyamory is any group of more than two people in an involved, committed romantic relationship. It isn't "fooling around," and it certainly isn't something you "tolerate" or "put up with." It's a personal lifestyle choice--maybe not for everyone, because it necessitates accepting the concept that love is NOT finite and that there is no limit to how many people you can love. "Monogamy" and "unconditional love," far from being "intrinsically interwoven concepts" are antithetical to each other. I'm not a fan of baloney, but would you like some humble pie?

Answer 2

Monogamy would be between the two people so either wouldn't want the 'bringer of happiness' to be anyone other than the person they're committed to ... Monogamy is a commitment - not just for the 'time being'. It's a commitment to one person, not just until somebody else comes along that can do it.

Answer 3

Monogamy is traditional marriage. I have never heard of polyamory, but I gather from the context and linguistic analysis that it is equivalent to "fooling around". Monogamy an "unconditional love" are intrinsically interwoven concepts. Anybody who tells you that you must tolerate "fooling around", polyamory, or whatever you choose to call it has got your head turned around backwards. (Would you like a baloney sandwich?)

Answer 4

yeah that's why god gave men and women hands... Monogamy is possible, no matter what the tenets of society has otherwise stipulated for the general masses to believe, you just have to find the right one, i firmly believe that if you TRULY love someone, you can devote to them exclusively, not because its what your "suppose" to do, but because you are both physically and Mentally attached on some level that no one else but you and your partner can understand.

Answer 5

If you are serious about expanding your knowledge of this issue, rather than rely on people's opinions in this forum, why don't you read a book, or other learned text regarding this.

I would suggest The Moral Animal, by Robert Wright.

Answer 6

There's no such thing as unconditional love. Love must be reciprocated, and founded on trust and mutual respect. I would classify what you call "unconditional love" as unhealthy dependence.

Answer 7

Monogamy is a splendid goal.... but not always realistic.