Do women who file for a divorce feel any sympathy for their ex-husband for having to take on all the financial burden and mess, when they (women) get away with the loot?
I wonder why the law isn't fair to the men in this world of equality.
2006-11-27 01:36:46 · 19 answers · asked by catcher 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To those who claim it's the mans fault, he should have to pay, forget that it takes two totally comitted people to have a marriage.
When a woman stone-walls her feelings, expects her husband to mind read, uses him for nothing more than an ATM and someone convienient for squashing bugs, and then has an affair, I'm wonding how much it can really be the man's fault in a situation like this.
But the truth is, neither is totally innocent or totally guilty in a broken marriage.
Given that women file 2/3rd of all divorce actions in the US, and are pretty certain they will get the kids unless they are hard core criminals, I often wonder the same things.
Not all me who end up divorced are cheaters. Many more times than folks would like to admit, it was mom cheating, and she still gets the kids and child support.
However, there is hope. At least in my case, she didn't get sole custody, and she didn't get the house or 1/2 of everything. She only got 1/2 of what we accumulated during the marriage. Since I had documents going back to when I married showing my net worth then, all of those assets came off the table when it came time to split the marital property.
What I owned before was NOT marital property and mine to keep.
Frankly, I'm better off financially now, 3+ years after her affair came out and she left.
She is worse off financially. Sure, her life looks nice, luxury apartment, new VW Beetle. But she is living paycheck to paycheck, not always having money to do anything other than stay in her apartment and stare at the walls.
Before, we went on a couple of vacations / year, Disney, Vegas, Mackinac Island, DC, Vancouver Island, etc. Now, she stays home, or goes when her lover can come into town and take her somewhere.
I"m sure she's not saving anything for retirement, as her apartment costs more than my mortgage before I get to deduct the interest and everything.
Yes, I kept the home! We bought it together and I kept the home.
I do think women shut you out when they divorce you. Actually, long before.
They don't get everything, I'm proof of that. I still believe I did more right than wrong, and certainly didn't deserve the treatment I got during the marriage and divorce. But I do believe that what goes around, comes around.
Her lover left a 30 year marriage to be with her and travels extensively for his job.
He will cheat her, or since he's much older than me, she'll be changing his Depends pretty soon, and I'll laugh sitting with my hot red-headed woman at the unwise ex-wife who left me for all that fun.
2006-11-27 01:56:18 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ofcourse l'm sure some women feel sympathy for their ex. I honestly believe it depends on the circumstances of the divorce though. Believe it or not it is actually sometimes the wife who ends up with the financial burden as the husband takes off never to be seen or heard from again and leaves his wife with all the debts. I don't know what makes you think that the women get away with anything especially the money as quite often there is none of that either. I do agree that the law probably needs changing in some aspects but not always necessarily just for the men. Women also get ripped off in some divorces.
2006-11-27 01:56:54 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Last I checked, the cost of the divorce is split between both parties, if it is uncontested. If it is contested, each has their own lawyer...each pays their own fees, unless an agreement is made BEFORE hand. And not ALL women walk away with all the loot. All I walked away with was child support. When I file for this one, I will pay HALF the legal fees, and get no "loot"....only what I brought into the marriage and a few other things that were either bought by BOTH of us or given to BOTH of us. Seems to me it isn't always "fair" no matter how you look at it. Alot depends on the circumstances of the divorce. If that was the case, I would get EVERYTHING in this one.
2006-11-27 01:50:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well maybe the law isn't fair but I was! When I divorced my husband I didn't get away with any loot. In fact I didn't do anythings my lawyer told me to do. I split every thing 50/50. That includes bills and all the debt. Seeing how we had more debt than LOOT and he had a better job than me I took on a lot of burden. I figured I was the one that wanted the divorce and I felt so bad for him that I couldn't hurt him anymore with taking his pension, real estate etc. So not all women get away with all the LOOT.
2006-11-27 01:54:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope. never willing to accept more than my fair share of the blame which is only ever 50%.
In so far as financial burden; HA, try raising kids by yourself today. You are always a dollar short and a day late.
Non-custodial parents where I am pay about 23% of their income in child support. Substantially less than if the parents were together they would be responsible for the daily, weekly and monthly upkeep of the same children.
As for the mess, the custodial parent deals with the daily mess and fallout with the kids. That, in most cases, is the mother.
So, you have a husband who is now responsible financially for a fraction of the upkeep of the children and only has to see them occassionally and doesn't really get problems dumped on them when they do...
No, no sympathy here.
2006-11-27 01:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by snippers72 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Where did you ever get the crazy idea that the ex-husband takes on all the financial burden and mess? Let alone the silly idea that women get away with the loot?
That certainly doesn't happen in any divorce situations that I know of, including my own. Yes, I know that it does happen, but it's certainly not the norm.
2006-11-27 01:40:41 · answer #6 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Doesn't it depend on the grounds for divorce in the first place? If a man has committed adultery, for example, he deserves all he gets. It isn't always the case that the woman gets everything. It is usually dependent on whether children are involved. In most situations a judge will decide the children are better kept with the mother, and if this means the mother and children stay in the family home, all the better.
In many ways men have it easy for that reason. It is far easier for a man to walk out on his family and responsibilities than a woman. Not all men are the caring fatherly types. Many men are happy to start a new life with a new woman and turn their backs on their previous children - I know, as my father did it to me. Divorce doesn't always benefit the woman. A woman rarely has the opportunity (or inclination) to walk out on her kids. A man has that freedom if he wants it.
2006-11-27 01:42:46 · answer #7 · answered by helly 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i agree. when i left my ex husband i wanted to just get out, it didn't matter what i took. i took my personal belongings and gifts that my family bought me and things that i bought out of my own money stash, like some furniture... i left him the house, all of it and didn't ask for any money for it. the only thing i asked from him was child support and that is only $50 a week plus half of daycare. if a marriage can settle on mutual grounds that would be great. some women think that the man needs to end up with nothing. but then you have to think about how and why the marriage ended. sometimes the women or men deserves to have it all.
2006-11-27 01:44:20 · answer #8 · answered by mmh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! Another "man" in here crying that he got taken to the cleaners? Sheesh.....stand back girls....let me "do this one". Are you the same man, who divorced my Mom and made off with all the stocks that you had your girlfriend sign my Moms name to and sell? Are you the same man who got half the house and made my Mom refinance so you could have the cash to take the tramp my Mom caught you cheating with and paying the tramps bills, while your wife (my Mom waited at home with your children in the dark, cause you forgot to pay the bills cause you were "too busy" with the new tramp?). Are you the same "man" who left his wife (my Mom) and his three children to take care of the whores little hoard? Are you the same "man" who forgot to pay his child support each and every month, even though your kids were hungry and now had to make do without a Mom or a Dad? Because Momm had to go get a full time job in case you forgot again next month? Are you that same stupid EX? WEll then, shut up and sit down you clown! You married her, and sympathy? Yeah my Mom had lots and lots of sympathy, for me and my two brothers, but none from you. So shut your whining hinney up and get real! Men make more money in "this world" than women do, even in this day and age. Women are more likely than not to end up BELOW the national poverty line in a divorce. Men? PUUUUUUUUULLLLEEEEESSSSSEEEE! More likely to get remarried and to permanently forget their obligations to their first family, unless their drivers licences are at stake. So yeah, I got some sympathy for you.......right here ( x ). Now go sit down!
2006-11-27 01:50:41 · answer #9 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The laws are fair and there are always extenuating circumstances in every individual case.
Do women feel sympathetic? I guess it depends on the woman. Personally I think men try to make women feel guilty about the financial situation after a divorce. I guess if you would have tried to work on your marriage a lil bit harder and taken the time for your wife,you wouldn't be in this situation,now would you?
2006-11-27 01:57:22 · answer #10 · answered by zoya 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋