ocd and your partner?

Question

Does anyone with ocd find that there parners dont take ocd seriously?I like everything in its place and hate it if he tries to "tidy up"or make a joke like "dont worry im only putting on the dishwasher!"Makes me feel like he thinks im mad.Also how hard is it when you have kids and have ocd,Children will be messy and its so hard to not say anything.I dont want them to develop ocd.

Answer 1

lol, its so funny both me and my partner have it, its like a circus in our home most days. i have to wash pots and im forever cleaning and worrying about mess and my partner not so much now but used to wash his hands all the time, these days hes forever double and triple checking to make sure windows and doors are closed when we go out.
i also have a thing for the number three, i dont know why but im always going through patterns in my head in three's. ill count in sticks and go from one end to another and then start in the middle and so on. its so strange and hard to explain, but my eldest son has picked it up lol, hes only four and loves the number three! arrrggghh what have i done to my child :D

Answer 2

OCD is a very real illness-but it is very hard for a non-sufferer to understand. My ex husband has OCD,and I remember him flying into violent rages if the hoover wasn't put away 'just so'.I couldn't understand it-and spent most of my time frightened of his rages. I also worried about how this was affecting our daughter-in the end I had to leave.
I know it's hard seeing a mess when having things just so is the only way you can feel relaxed. When the kids have made a mess,try taking deep breaths and list in your mind all the things that are more important than the place being tidy.

Answer 3

Your partner is not responsible for your displaced anxiety, nor is he responsible for your feelings. That's your job.

He could, however, be a part of the solution rather than part of the problem......

The world is not going to spin out of control if you don't nail it down yourself.

You need to realize that you just don't trust yourself to be able to handle things that happen spontaneously, or things that you do not have control over.

Nobody makes you feel anything. You feel how you choose to feel. Your feelings are influenced by your perceptions, which in turn are influenced by your past experiences.

For example, a child who grows up with an abusive drunk parent, and the other parent calls the cops frequently to settle domestic disturbances but never presses charges. That child's perception of the police may be distrustful, since the abuse problem was never resolved.

Perception does NOT equal intent. We are emotionally invested with the ones we love, so we react emotionally when we perceive something to be a certain way, and assume that they intended for it to be that way. You say your partner "makes you feel" something, but did you ever stop and ask him if he really meant to cause you that feeling? It looks like you chose to feel that way based on your assumption. You just need to stop and ask, and let him have a chance to clarify his intent before you hold it against him.

Your partner may not realize that his lack of support is actually a part pf the problem. No, not your anxiety problem, but the problem I am referring to is anxiety management.

Yes, kids are messy. They are also ungrateful, disrespectful, have no conscience, no empathy, and no appreciation. Kids are born without this stuff, and it is the duty of the parents to teach them how to have a conscience, appreciation, gratitude, respect, and empathy. Thei learn this from their parents, mostly from what parents model for them with their own behavir.

Sometimes parents get all self-absorbed and forget that everything they do, shows their kids how normal adults behave. All kids think that everyone's parents are just like their own, and that their own parents are normal and perfect.

If you spaz out when things don't go your way (anxiety over anything), you are sending a bad message to your kids. You need to get some alternative coping skills for your anxiety so you can manage things a little better. You need to learn yourself how to deal with spontaneousness and deal with things as they come (without falling apart) and then you will be a better model for your kids. And your partner should be on board with his support.

Kids learn how to handle pain, rejection, failure, and disappointment from their parents. Your partner should be involved with your treatment. When one parent has an issue, it is both parents' responsibility to get together and handle things as a united front. "There is no I in TEAM."

Get your partner involved with counseling for your OCD. He may discover ways that he is contributing to the problem. His lack of support, poking fun at you, and ridicule is NOT making things any better. It only furthers the problem by inspiring shame and distress.

Tell him this: "I know that you are not resposible for my anxiety, but I need your support on managing this. You can choose to BE A PART OF THE PROBLEM, OR YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION."

Think about how it would look to your kids, to see one parent help and support the other.......