Today is a very stressful day for me because I have to take my eighteen month old to see a hematologist about some bad blood test results that could possibly mean leukemia. It seems like the last few days I have been dealing with this all alone- my mother is also sick and in the hospital, my dad is busy caring for mom, and my siblings are all immature pinheads that don't care about anyone but themselves. My husband seems to be in denial about the whole thing. He's acted like nothing is wrong ever since we found out and I have just really had nobody to talk to. Last night I was so nervous about today that I couldn't stop crying and when I finally got in the bed he acted mad because I was crying and grabbed his pillow and went to sleep on the couch. I tried explaining to him that I was scared and it was hard dealing with this alone and he wouldn't even answer me. I don't know what to do. I know he loves his daughter, but it bothers me that he doesn't seem to care.
2006-11-27 00:59:18 · 19 answers · asked by Jennifer F 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know how to explain to him that this bothers me. I told him this morning that I would call him at work the minute I knew something and he told me not to bother him at work he'd find out when he gets home.. Why is he doing this??
2006-11-27 01:00:01 · update #1
I've tried explaining and he shuts me out.
2006-11-27 01:03:07 · update #2
He is probably really scared and doesn't know how to deal with it. He thinks if he pretends it's not happening, maybe it will go away. He also wants life to just be back to normal and is having a hard time dealing with this. I am praying for you and I'm sorry you seem to not have any support. I hope all goes well.
2006-11-27 01:03:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I tell ya, when it rains in life, it pours!
Your husband is probably feeling the stress and worry too, but many men don't deal with those feelings in the same way women do.
My hubby and I have been going through some tough times lately - it seems like all I do is cry to release the stress, and all he does is try to ignore it and tough it out. But I know for a fact he's feeling the same thing, he has told me. We are just dealing with it in our own ways.
You two are a team and you have to work together - and that includes respecting each other's ways of dealing with life problems. Good luck to you both, hope this helped.
2006-11-27 01:07:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your kid. Panicing does not help the situation however, it only makes it alot worse. Your child can sense your stress and worry, try to calm down. My child went through some thing similar and it turned out to be nothing seriouse at all. Remember that at 18 months a childs immune system is still developing and can do some off the wall stuff. I am sure the additional testing is just a precaution. Good luck and God bless.
2006-11-27 01:08:36 · answer #3 · answered by teenypurplebinky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did it occur to you that he is probably just as much a wreck as you are however he may have the tendency not to display his emotions like you? Sometimes a person may be completely eaten up on the inside but can't let this show because he/she has to provide the emotional support for another....namely you. Between this bad business with your daughter and mother I have no doubt this is what is happening. Despite his becoming annoyed and moving to the couch that night you shouldn't take this as a bad sign. It just may be that he is on the verge of falling apart and your emotional state has started to push him to the limit as well. Besides...he needs his sleep too because if the very worst case scenario comes fro this I'm sure that he knows he'll have to be your rock throughout it.
Although this is easy to say you should try and concentrate on the thought that this may not be what you think. I realize that this may seem impossible but as human beings we always seem to look at the very worse in a situation and then almost have a nervous breakdown when we find out that it isn't anywhere near as bad as what we thought.
Remember...hes just as scared as you are...if not more. try your best to steel yourself and keep your emotions in check. You don't know anything for sure yet and you only make yourself sick with worry over what may or may not be there.
I wish you the very best as well as hope for the same in this predicament. Work to support him as well. This is a time in your marriage that all couples with kids rear and think "There but for the grace of God go I". Wife, husband and family are all there for one another. In theory anyway. Everyone should be lending support and lean on one another. I wish you the best and good luck.
2006-11-27 01:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A few months ago the doctors told my wife and I while my wife was pregnant with our daugther that there was some 10% chance that the baby was gonna have a defect and I was numb to the news due to my beliefs and my wife paniced the whole time. I did try to explain to her that I only believe what God says not men and the baby was born beautiful, healthy and active. She's 5mo old now. What you believe can and would have an impact to your kids. God bless you and your family in this difficult time, Hang in there you're not alone. God is right next to you
2006-11-27 01:13:33 · answer #5 · answered by monreve_2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's in denial, because it's something beyond his control, and that he can't fix. It's a natural tendency for men to want to fix things, and knowing that he can't fix it probably has him worried too. But his pushing you away isn't right. He needs to be supportive of you as well. I know if one of my kids was in the same situation, I would be VERY supportive of my wife even though I know it would be out of my control. I would be praying about it and putting it in God's hands.
Hope that this helps.
Take care and God Bless
2006-11-27 01:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People handle stressful events very diferently. Be glad that you have the personal fortitude to forge ahead through the conflicts. It may feel like a lonely place but everyone you have mentioned is very aware of what is going on. It may be that with your envolvement on larger scale that they feel comfortable in stepping back. After today is over you need to sit down and discuss over dinner not the situation but how you have felt during the situation. Ask your husband for his input.
2006-11-27 01:05:08 · answer #7 · answered by Peloubet 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, my day so far has been chilled, don't get stressed or worried about your interview, just count to 10 and be calm, you will get the job and the presentation will go great, just smile a lot and keep calm, good luck.
2016-03-12 23:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety I'm so sorry to hear your going through this. I wish you all the best and for good news on the tests rather than bad news. It sounds like your husband may be in denial or waiting to hear what the hematologist says maybe he doesn't want to deal until he knows he has to. But it sounds like your all going to need someone to talk to. If your husband keeps behaving in the same manner, I don't know how to suggest to him that he needs to talk about it, but he needs to so that the two of you can begin to face things together. You already recognize you need someone to talk to so that's good. Contact the American Cancer Society, they have groups set up to talk about your experiences and to help you through what may come. You can also learn a lot through them and if you need assistance in other ways they may be able to offer it or connect you with those who can. My husband lost his grandmother to lung cancer a couple of years ago and they helped the family with counseling.
2006-11-27 01:24:55 · answer #9 · answered by jamesnjenifer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I'd like to say that I am very sorry for what you are going through and I will be praying for your daughter. Try really hard to think positive, I know it is difficult, but have faith!
I cannot tell you why your husband is acting the way he is. I can guess, but until you get him to talk to you, you may never know for sure.
It is very possible that his denial is his way of dealing with it. The fact that he seems to get angry whenever it is mentioned would lead me to believe that. Men deal with things differently than women. We tend to get very emotional, sometimes we blame ourselves and try to figure out what we could have done differently to prevent things. We want to talk them through and get other people to supports us when we are in need. Men, however, sometimes get angry! They get overwhelmed with the possibilities, and just begin to shut down. It's the old "out of sight, out of mind" theory. If they don't talk about it, it will just go away.
Try to be patient with your husband. Allow him to deal with things his way. I know that you feel alone, but he probably does too. You are angry at him for dealing with it the way he is, and he is angry with you. He probably doesn't understand why you are getting so emotional when you don't know for sure if anything is wrong.
After this is all over, and things have calmed down, sit down with him and talk to him. Ask him all the questions you asked us. Tell him how you felt and ask him about his feelings. If you do it now it will just make things worse.
I wish you and your family the very best of luck! Please let us know how things turn out.
2006-11-27 01:23:15 · answer #10 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋