A MAGNUM OPUS
The mystifying smile on your pink lips
Like a great painting on the museum wall
Makes me wonder, as I sit across and observe
Several layers cloaked in your delicate smile
Composed by Rishikaysh Patanckar
© 2006. Rishikaysh Patanckar. A Magnum Opus, Poem.
2006-11-27 00:15:00 · 5 answers · asked by ricci 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
What about this version?
A MAGNUM OPUS
The mystifying smile on your rosy lips
Like a great painting on the museum wall
Makes me wonder, as I sit across and observe
As little by little, I learn about the invisible
Several layers cloaked in your delicate smile
2006-11-27 02:03:24 · update #1
hmm, I think you need to think about the rhythme of your poem. But besides that, quite deep, quite good.
2006-11-27 00:22:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short, sweet and suggestive. What is in the layers cloaked in that smile? What makes it mystifying?
It is a nice beginning, but appears to need at least a second stanza.
Take care,
Troy
2006-11-27 09:16:44 · answer #2 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice work. MAybe you can try a 3 stanza one.
Look thru my poems at http://www.mysticalangel.4t.com and sign my guestbook or write me at yvonne_mystic@yahoo.com to tell me what you think!!
Thanks and GoodLuck!
2006-11-27 09:37:57 · answer #3 · answered by Yvonne Mystic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I DONT LIKE IT
2006-11-27 08:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by Dan F 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's lame
2006-11-27 08:18:35 · answer #5 · answered by syawalx 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋