We've been seeing each other for over a year now, and we knew that the question of wanting to have children would be an issue. So even before we started dating we discussed the question, and I thought we had come to a compromise that we could both live with (adoption), so that it wouldn't be an issue further down the road.
However, it seems now that it wasn't really resolved. We keep having the argument because I know I want children, and she does not. Though at the begining she said she was open to the idea as long as it was through adoption, and I agreed.
A few months into our relationship I moved cross country, and other than the children issue, we've been doing ok long distance.
Now it's time for her to move out here with me, but we're both wondering if that's the right thing, if we can't agree to have kids or not. We know it's along ways off, but should we stay with each other if we can't compromise now? Especially before the big commitment of her moving here happens?
2006-11-26 22:47:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
do not continue the relationship because one of you will always be unhappy with it
2006-11-26 22:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that is a tough one....however, if you want a family and she does not, then I really think it is better to call it quits now ....it will only get harder as time goes on....Also, if you continue, you could actually get to the point where you decide it's worth keeping her to agree not to have children...a decision that you could really regret down the road. Even if she agreed to adoption...you probably would still want your own child and grow to resent her for not wanting the same things.....I wish you well.....but it sounds like you are a family oriented man so find someone who shares those values with you.....Good luck
2006-11-26 22:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
running through your question i see that the child thing is a one way thing. If he os not ready to have children with you, then obvously you are both at different stages in your life and this shouldnt be taken for granted.
I understand that you have been together for four years. but if he doubts both of ur positions, then its not a healthy relationship to bring children in.
You should either talk to him about it and ask him why he is not ready. and when liekly he will be ready. if the answer is far from the one that you are looking for, then reassess your relationship.
If he needs time, then discuss how important it is to you, if he isnt interested, then look for someone else. dont rely on a man that cant answer you with confidence
if you are arguing, he is hiding something from you, ie telling you how he really feels.
2006-11-26 22:52:44 · answer #3 · answered by zara z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no guarantess that you will have a child even if you try.
Your partner may change his mind after you two have spent a little more life together.
It is good to be on the same page as far as the future goes; but don't break up over hypotheticals.
Tackle one issue at a time.
Life doesn't work on a plan.
2006-11-26 22:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by negrito con sabor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why go to the expense of her moving there if you haven't come to a compromise? Either have her stay where she is and see how it goes, or end it now.
If you really want a family, and she doesn't, I don't see a happy life for either of you.
2006-11-26 23:10:39 · answer #5 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order to have order you two must be in agreement and you are not.She doesn't want children so why would you want to marry her and make her a mother?children need the best possible start and starting out with some one who doesn't want to parent them is just dumb.Break it off and find you some one who wants what you want or you'll regret the decision that you already know is bad.
2006-11-26 23:32:56 · answer #6 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister-in-law and her first husband were in the same position. She didn't and he did. When they were first married, they agreed there wouldn't be any kids....however after about five years he changed his mind and wanted kids. The end result---after five years of marriage they divorced. She has moved on and I believe he has too.
2006-11-26 22:51:35 · answer #7 · answered by School Store Lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the big rush. It's not like anyone's bio clock has anything to do with it. Your relationship will run it's course one way or another. Then you'll know your answer. Good luck
2006-11-26 22:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by aka white knight 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would break it off...because the person who will live to regret it is you and not her.
2006-11-26 22:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by Craiova 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe what your partner needs is time..give her that..let her prepare herself..maybe she is not yet ready to bear a child..if you love her, understand her..
2006-11-26 22:52:39 · answer #10 · answered by gracie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋