How do I get him out of my head???

Question

I am a wife and mother of 3. I guess you can say I have a crush on another guy. I think by the looks he gives me he feels the same way. he has a family too. I don't want to wreck his or mine. But I can't get him out of my head and I see him at least twice a week becoz I kinda work with him. I even dream about him. This is making me crazy! I want to not feel this way becoz I know its wrong. One more thing. I have never really had butterflies with my husband. I love him but he doesn't make me feel the way this guy does by just looking at me... Why?? Please help!

Answer 1

Give it time, it'll pass. Meanwhile, start doing everything you'd lke to do with the guy with your husband. Take him out to dinner. Write him romantic notes. Get to know him again, like you just met him. Discover him again in the bedroom. You can use this infatuation! Transfer the energy from it to help your marriage. Don't feel guilty, this happens all the time. Just take advantage of this influx of romantic feelings to build a better relationship at home. Good luck!

PS: the reason I say this is that the infatuation happens when things start feeling "old." You love the person you invest the time into. If you spend your energy investing in your husband, you will rejuvinate not only him and how he treats you, but yourself and how in love you feel. You will begin to better appreciate in your heart what you have at home. Infatuation is a powerful force, but resist it! I promise it will pass. And you won't have destroyed what you have. I did stray once and believe me- it was the worst decision of my life.

Answer 2

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "kinda" work with him. That you'd need to explain. One way to look at it is to say you THINK he may have a crush on you too, but what would happen if you acted on your feelings and found out that he's a faithful husband who only wants his wife? I could also say that you should think of how you would feel if your husband had a crush and acted on his. I prefer the moral route which is to say that you should feel this temptation is wrong because you are having feelings for someone else who just like yourself married someone before God and witnesses. Is a moment of lust worth the trouble it will get you into? Hopefully this doesn't sound preachy, I just know the mistake of "the grass is greener" theory.

Answer 3

If you put yourself in your husbands place maybe you will behave yourself. We get used to our mates and it just doesn't seem to be as GOOD as it once was. You have to think of it differently though. The love should become a deeper, more comfortable love. Why on earth would you want to give up on it now. You have children and they deserve for you to see them through the growing up years.

We always want what we can't have. It's human, but....you have to know the difference of infatuation and real love. Consider it a mild crush and be done with it. You are the only one that can stop the whole thing.

You do seem to want to feel this way otherwise you would be mature enough to just consider it a whim and an attraction that would most likely fade within...lets see....right after he jumps ur bones? Don't fall for it. A lot of guys are attracted to married women just for the safety factor....married! Get it. Don't be so stuuuuuuupid.

Answer 4

Stop before it goes anywhere. I was the other person in the same mess. My husband and his coworker were doing the same thing and it went to a full blown affair. When I found out it destroyed me, I almost lost my life because of it. Ended up in intensive care,we have kids, they still don't know. It is still recking havac in our marriage. She is still with her husband and I with mine, but the trust is gone. It may never come back. There has been so much damage. You get married and you get too comfortable with each other. You stop the flirting, kissing, romancing. Thats what causes a marriage to get stale. You are infactuated with this person, not in Love with them, because he is showing you attention your husband isn't. Stop! It will do so much harm. My husband finally realized he didn't want her because she was a *****, and treated her husband that way. He realized he would be treated the same way. It was the excitment of sneaking around and it being new. It got old too! He went to her husband and told him. By the way we were friends who did things together. It destroyed him also, but we are all trying to make it work. Our kids are grown, and have went threw divorce due to adultry, we have always set a good example for them. This was not a good example, what would they think, if they knew. They would think we were hyporcrities. STOP! Don't do this to your self and your family. It is work to have a good marriage, it doesn't come easy.

Answer 5

He's in your head because there's something you see in him that you don't see in your husband.

The best advice I can ever give you is talk to your husband about this. If I was your husband, I'd be hurt at first, but that's normal. But I'd appreciate the idea that you were honest with me. And I'd think that it would've hurt more for me to find you in a relationship with the guy before you tell me or I have to find out myself..

Answer 6

the same case as.....
i know a friend (A) as a mother of 2 son with husband and she's got feeling with my friend (B). My friend (B) getting divorce of waiting court filed with custody of 2 son and he's looking for a new relationship. My friend (A) don't want to wreck her family but she's crazy of my friend (B) and she's happy when chatting with (B)..... what's will happen next!?!?

Answer 7

You have a fantasy going on- and it gives you butterflies- after a marriage or 2 is wrecked and the children are fatherless and there are tears - it is tragic- change your road - before you have a train wreck- don't entertain those thoughts- and don't work w him if you don't have to-D

Answer 8

Those butterfly feelings are the same as when we are afraid or anxious. RUN! You are headed toward heartbreak and trouble if you act on this.

I JUST SAW YOUR RESPONSE TO ANOTHER QUESTION A COUPLE MINUTES AGO.. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE.. in case you don't remember, this is what you said: "Don't let her hurt you again. You deserve better."

Answer 9

keep busy to keep him out of ur mind
when u think about him think of how good u had it with hubby
this crush wont last because he cant put ur family together the way the hubby did
remeber we all want security in a way and with hubby u have a great family and hubby doesnt cheat right? so why should u? also if he flirts with u he's flriting with others thats not secure right?

Answer 10

Boy...ur dumb for showing ur mug on here.....lol You better hope
hubby doesn't see it !! Oh, btw...Let's say you did have an affair,
and your hubby found out and left you. And the"lover" decided to
stay with his wife , after all. Then....there you are. Why did you
choose to have kids with him ? Try and make your relationship
work, its not easy, but if he's worth keeping, then do the right thing and stop fantasizing about this shmuck.