women only advice plz?

Question

i experianced violence from my partner several times in the 7 years we were together! we no longer live together as i reported it to the police! we have a child together so i still have to see him but he still plays mind games and does every thing he can to hurt me! he leaves me struggling for money by not paying his half of morgage ect!! its getting me down and cant really talk to my family about it! should i use womens aid? not sure what to do and feel i need some sort of help now as its affecting me and i dont want it to affect my child

can i just say i do work and i have gone thro CSA but i still struggle with money cos of mortage and cos he pays CSA it means its something else for him to bully me about he says he dont see why he should pay it!!

Answer 1

It has already effected your child. Children are not blind nor deaf. Most children are extremely sensitive to the feelings of their parents. Yes, use every resource available to you.

Answer 2

I have been close to your situation myself and this is what I did.

First, you have to get yourself in a position where you don't NEED his money. Become self-sufficient.

Get every kind of aid you can for you and your child.

Don't let his comments affect you. The more he knows it bothers you, the more he will do it. He is not a nice man and he doesn't want to see you succeed.

It already has affected you and your child. Don't let it anymore. If he is not paying what the court ordered then you can have him arrested and should do so. If you are getting aid then they pay you what you are supposed to get and he has to pay them. Go through the county and they will take it up with him when he doesn't pay.

I know this is emotionally stressing you out,so...once in a while get a family member to watch the baby for you and take a day for yourself and do the things you can't do normally. I didn't do this part, but wish I had. Stress can do a number on you. It's a good thing to take care of yourself...for your child if no one else. You'll be happier and nicer and maybe better able to handle the jerk when he messes with you.

You might also want to get a family member to be there when he takes and brings back the baby ...if that's what he does.

He is resenting you now and to him you are taking his money. He isn't thinking that he is helping raise the child. You have to make sure you do your part in making yourself independent from him if you ever want to get from under his thumb and nastiness.

Good luck sweetie and God bless. It's hard out there and you have a wonderful child to raise. Make sure you give that child the best of opportunities in life.

Answer 3

You need to seek help straight away. Use anybody that can help you. Womens aid, Citizen's advice. These people are well trained and can offer you great advice. Your child will know whats going on because they are great at picking up on feelings and behaviour etc. Try not to listen to your ex. Mind games are the best way to mess with someone's head and you need to be strong for both you and your child. If he thinks that he's not affecting you then maybe he'll stop. The more he know's he's getting to you the more he'll carry on.

Answer 4

You should try a womens aid. If he's a bad guy he shouldn't be near the child. If it's a boy, he'll think it's ok to treat women like that and if it's a girl, she'll think it's ok to be treated like that.

Call a local help service, and see what they can do for you.

I hope things work out for you. I feel very strongely about these kinds of issues. If you need someone to talk you can e-mail me anytime you want - [e-mail]

Answer 5

You definitely need to heed the advice here of seeking professional help from Citizen's Advice or Women's support groups who are adept at dealing with issues like yours.
Don't try to suffer this and put on a brave face.
You need to act and will come out feeling so much better, both for you and your child.

Answer 6

Dont let this bloke win, you are better than that! You can get help with making him pay his half for your child and the house! He is just a bully once you get tough which you are doing by wanting help, he will back down! Blokes like this make me sick, he doesn't even deserve to see your child, go through the courts to sort out set days when he can see your child, then you shouldn't have much contact with him! If he doesn't follow these rules then he risks losing his child! He cant hurt you anymore just don't let him see he can still affect you in anyway! Stay tough and don't let this bully win! Take care x

Answer 7

firstly if you need to then contact me direct, i have the ex from hell, and have been through your'e situation, if it is just the money that is getting you down then look for a really tough solicitor, i didn't have one at first but i do now, the nastier the better and be prepared to fight everything he says and does, fight fire with fire, if he doesn't pay get in the solicitor, if he plays mind games with you get an injunction and deal only with your'e solicitor who will then deal with his, my ex husband played so many games in the end he ended up looking like a fool so stay strong, what you have to remember is that the strength comes from inside you, people like me can share our experiences with you, listen and give advice, but you need to know that he can't touch you either physically or emotionaly, womens aid will give you some advice, but because you don't need a shelter they are not the best people to go to, i suggest that you go to a local solictor and ask for the name of a solictor that has a lot of experience in family matters, above all you have to be tough, the courts will protect you but only if you are tough and take a stand, as far as your'e child is concerned, i have 4 children with my ex husband, 2 of them have blocked out the abuse and deny it ever happened, the other 2 remember and are now quite well adjusted, do not let your'e husbands behavier affect your'e child, but above all you must resist the temptation to slag off your'e ex to your'e child, trust me i know its hard, but you must separate them, unless you're ex is or has been violent to the child then they have an entitlement to visitation, but make sure your'e ex does not use this as a way of getting to you, if necessary use a contact centre or family or friends for drop off points, as i said if you want more personal advice please email me

Answer 8

How I hate controlling idiots like this guy. His problem is that he can't stand to see that you can cope without him, I am sure he's not happy, if he was he wouldn't behave in this manner. Have you tried having a chat with your GP to see what kind of help is out there for you ? Please don't give up, you sound as if you're a strong, lovely lady and I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

You have been a very brave woman so far!
Get legal counsel, go to a woman's support group, get counseling, get some good friends, go for prayer meetings and try to think about the brave person in you. Not everyone is brave like you.
A person who resorts to violence against a weaker or more vulnerable person is a bully and is weaker than the person he/she affects.
You are so brave... Do not suffer momentary lapses into weakness and confusion by "mind games".
Be an inspiration to yourself and to your child. Good luck!

Answer 10

Take the control OUT of your partners hands.. you're allowing him to continue to abuse you, only this time financially. Establish paternity if you haven't already done so. Then leave it to your State's Support Enforcement Agency to collect the money from him. You've given him waaaayyyy too much power over you and your child. Take it back!

Answer 11

Your partner is a despot dictator, who gets his kicks from making you and your child suffer, the best thing to do with a dictator is to overthrow him, you need to get as independent of him as possible, maybe take a second job, or take in students to help pay the mortgage,do something help yourself don't look to him to help you, it gives him power in your life, and reason for living. your going to get through this and when you do you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.