Life Sucks And I'm Losing The Battle?

Question

Here is my life in Readers Digest Version. I'm 32..male..and gay. I live in a small town in Nebraska. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and am Bi-Polar (sever depression) hence I have been on disability for two years. I'm trying my best to get back to work and the government wants to take all my medical away. I have over 500 dollars in meds every month. Every attempt I try to improve my life fails. My finances are horrible. I have no social life....like who would want to be involved with me. What do I have to offer...nothing. I know...sounds like a pitty story but hey...getting to the point of blending up all my meds in the blender and lay down and have a nice cocktail and go to sleep for good. About ready to give up. Any suggestions for a lonely/confused end of his rope guy? Jesse

Answer 1

Jesse, is there no where you can get some free counselling? Like a support group for depression and mental illness? I'm an Aussie so don't know how your medical & gov support works over there but nearly half my family (including two sons) have suffered or suffer depression & my mum is bi-polar! So I do have some idea of the challenges you are facing. Believe it or not there are people who can see past your illness and will value you & realise that your problems are largely due to the illness. Is there no family member or friend to lend you support as this is very important. Talking to fellow sufferers will show you that you are not alone so make a few enquiries about a support group esp if you have no one close to lean on.
With regards to your working: it may be difficult to find an employer who is understanding about the limitations that depression & bi-polar can put on you but if you do apply for a job be honest. If you just fail to turn up when you just can't get out of bed they might think you are lazy. Try to explain that you are trying to get your life together but some days life is just too much to cope with. Try to be positive; set small achievable goals and don't ever give up and take the easy way out. Hope this has helped. Good luck, be brave and keep going.

Answer 2

Hi Jesse,
I agree with Sandy T, find a professional you can talk to. Do you have any family or church around? It's important to not be isolated.

Small things that can help while you're looking for big help:
Feelings immediately follow thought, so try to think about good things and when you catch yourself thinking about bad things redirect your thoughts.
Worrying doesn't change a situation, and it makes you feel bad so don't let yourself worry.
Be sure to eat healthy, drink plenty of water, take multivitamins and get adequate exersise.
Try to find an activity or hobby that will put you into a group where you can socialize - and try to be and talk about positive stuff while you are participating in the group. Just pulling youself away from the problems for periods of time can help get a different perspective.

And hey, look at this support and concern you're getting from complete strangers! You really are not alone.

ps - and Susan, who snuck in right before my post came up has some really good thoughts too.

pss - I just ran off and did some quick reading on GAD, already know about bi-polar. You've got some tough stuff going on and I really feel for you. Jesse you are a unique person and I'm sure that you have many fine qualities. You express yourself very well and when you get through this I'm sure that you will find things and people that will be very rewarding for you. I will send good energy your way and I hope that some rays of sunshine come through for you soon. Keep asking questions!

Answer 3

Ok. This might take a few minutes so get comfy. First things first, count your blessings. It gives you a clearer perspective on things. 1. You have a roof over your head, right? 2. You have plenty of food to eat and clean water to drink right? 3. You have a school to attend, right? 4. You still have both your parents, right? 5. You have clean clothes to wear, right? Having those 5 things alone puts you ahead of over half this world. I have depression and I have had to re focus on my priorities so many time. That's always where i started. I lost my mother last summer and I am an only child of divorced parents. There have been times in the last few months that I almost didn't have enough food or clean clothes. I scraped by but barely. I understand completely how it is to be a teenager, I was just there a few years ago. ( I am 24 now). Its hard. One thing I have been told many many times and keep having to remind myself is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have learned that allowing myself to wallow in self-pitty only makes things worse and does not help a dang thing. So look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth the world. If you really seriously want to commit suicide, then PLEASE tell your parents or another trusted adult and get checked into the hospital. There they can help you so much.

Answer 4

I've always heard that life is 10 percent circumstantial and 90 percent attitude. Rather than focus on what you don't have, why not put the focus on what you DO have? Do you have your eyesight? Can you hear? Can you smell? Can you taste? Can you walk? Do you have food to eat? There are places that help others such as yourself deal with their issues and provide free medications for mental disorders. I believe Merck.com is one of those, or possibly your local mental health department. It also helps to see a therapist and discuss your feelings--sometimes our thinking is distorted because of all that has happened to us, and a trained therapist can help you think more clearly. Most communities have therapists available based on your ability to pay. If you can't afford it, chances are you won't have to pay for it. Maybe it would only take a session or two to get your focus on what choices you CAN make to get on the path you want to be on. Are you trying to handle things on your own, or do you have a support system such as a church, 12-step group, self-help group, etc.? Many people spend a lifetime looking for love in all the WRONG places! God IS LOVE, and HE LOVES YOU! It is not good for a man to be alone...God created us to need each other and to need Him. If it's spiritual direction that you need, there are plenty of good Bible-teaching churches available to feed your soul. Suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. God has a better plan for your life if you'll turn your will and life over to His care! Why not give Him a chance to prove His love to you? He will meet you right where you're at! He won't force himself on you...He waits patiently til we get to the end of OUR rope and if we humble ourselves and call on Him, He will lift us up!

Answer 5

Wow... life does suck for you Jesse. I'm sorry that you feel like **** every day just trying to wake up. I know meds are supposed to work but Klonipin or effexor or even celexa makes things worse .... or so it seems... You are definitely in my prayers... and being alone sucks but... wow that's a tough one... maybe going to another place like just up and moving to another town and if not .... maybe going to help out a family once every two weeks that is really worse off than you can make you feel a little bit happier trying to help out the needier than you...( if that's a word).

May be if you like to cut grass do that for a 1/2 a day for someone else... or dare I say go to a local church that won't judge you for who you are and maybe they can give you a volunteer job to help some one... Helping others always gives people feel worthy in their lives.. remember when you were a kid and you helped out one person and it felt so good to be of help...

just giving Ideas I guess..... this coming from a conservative catholic married mommy of four. so I really hope you can turn your life around... read its not about the bike by lance armstrong... that book gave me a little light when needed.. I hope you'll take my advice. :)
God take care of Jesse this year ... he really needs YOU.

Answer 6

Get a job and think positive. When you have a positive attitude people will want to be involved with you. Put on a smile every day and go out & meet people.

Answer 7

Dude sound like you had it , if you cant pull yourself out of the sh*t , then there are no help for you mate , so stop bitching about it and do something to better it ..

Answer 8

have you tried prayer?

Answer 9

get laid!