wht do you think of this poem?

Question

God does wonders indeed,
the good book says im a blessing, born into this world cursed yet as a small child I was blind to see the cold hearts of those who I grew to love., watch the scandals take form as they smile they're all after my money greed got their eyes burned they rather steal then get what should be earned, war and more war is all I hear about, truth be told I dont wanna hear it, life is a struggle no doubt no room for bitchez no room to pout just be a soldier and stand stout, we all laugh at **** we dont understand, they say ignorance is a disease ignorance is bliss no ****** human being should have to breathe the air that is full of sin and disgust, Lord grant me strenght before i bust, hoz got me mezmorized but give me courage to fall out of lust. left alone now as the words of what you see end in..........................

Answer 1

is heavy cursing poetry? it sounds more like a bad rap song.

Answer 2

has a few good points

after blessing put from above
so it rhymes with love

in some parts it looks more like writing than poetry, althoguh poetry is suppose to be more free

weird u censored **** but not ******
perhaps a message u put in the poem?

liek the mysterious ending

has a negativity towards a woman...

sounds like a growing up poem early teens to late 20s(20s because u begin to realize)

spelled strength wrong...

i liek the story

dont become cold


needs a rhyme scale i think its a different word
numbered like this with syllable count to flow better
like this :
happy birthday to u1 5sy
happy birthday to u1 5sy
u look like a monkey 2 5sy
and smell like one too1 5sy

Answer 3

I am a lover of poetry and God but I really don't think you should put God in a poem with so much foul language , That's blasphemes.It started out real nice and then I guess you started listening to the voice on your left shoulder,stay to the right ,or left.

Answer 4

I like this poem although it is not my style at all. Its flavorful rap connections with disconnections and contradictions remind me of some of the literary canon poets like John Donne's "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning", or Thomas Hardy's poem "Neutral Tone" which goes as follows:

We stood by a pond that winter day,
And the sun was white, as though chidden of God,
And a few leaves lay on the starving sod,
--They had fallen from an ash, and were gray.

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove
Over tedious riddles solved years ago;
And some words played between us to and fro--
On which lost the more by our love.

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing
Alive enough to have strength to die;
And a grin of bitterness swept thereby
Like an ominous bird a-wing....

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,
And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me
Your face, and the God-curst sun, and a tree,
And a pond edged with grayish leaves.

Or, Edgar Allen Poe's "Alone" which reads:

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then - in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

These are but few of the outrageous ideas of the times, and these were the rappers of their age. And, there are other ages and other poets whose frustration with the reality we call existence and/or life come to their readers as rebellious and intemperate words, cursing, crying loudly, horrified and terrified by the world around them.

My only real concern with you poem is the stylized mimicry that seems to hide beneath the choice of some of your words. The relationships you demonstrate in the images are concrete, grainy, and that's a good thing, but words should flow one to another through both rhythm and beat, as well as by sounds and syllables, and while they do this, they compel the relationships forward into more poetic imagery. This part I think you do well, but don't let the rap steal your soul. For instance, don't succumb to the false spellings that imply a disregard for the need for correct spelling, just for the sake of social political correctness. Or, cliché rap style itself. Mixing these, balancing them with your own voice is much more important than you may imagine.

Our roots are far deeper than the neighborhoods we roam. When I say your roots are in Thomas Hardy, John Donne and Edgar Allen Poe, I'm trying to show you that Rap has its roots beyond the hood too. It's very easy to become a pop star in contrast to becoming a literary master, but both have value and are honored by culture as opposed to society. The two are not the same thing, and as for me, I'm not too big on society. What about you?

Don't get lost in social expectations, stick to your intellectual and spiritual guns, and emote the hell outa the contradiction that is life. If you doubt the truth of this last part, study Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament Christian Bible or any other religious texts, and you will find they all agree on this point about the nature of life. And, if we think about it, that life is no more than contradiction after contradiction, then it becomes clear that life is learning, and that's all there is. This is one of the first things I tell my students. Isn't this part of what you're wondering about in your poem? I see so many of my own words in your poem, words I use to teach students how to think on their feet, conceptualizing without depending on social ideologies, things like Political Correctness, etc..

I think that probably you have a fascination about the power of the word, finding just the right word that does the job you want it to do. And, God, what a horrible experience that is, isn't it. Words can never be what they are trying to represent, and that is the conundrum. I've been editing the same small poem since I first wrote it in 1994. It's been published in more than a few anthologies over the years, and the words are not the same in most of them. So, enjoy the terror, the struggle that will always end ultimately in failure. For that is only one more contradiction that we humans face. Our language can never really say what we really mean because we mean so much more than words can hold in the intellectual strings we make with them.

So, what do I think of this poem? I think a lot of it, but I think alot more about you and what you mean because you struggled over it, stringing together the words, the rhythm, the sounds and the syllables, and then put it here for me to discover. Thanks. Indeed, in deed.

Answer 5

.. and that i presumed ... Machiavelli.. the Poet .. is ineffective.. Elizabeth I.. discovered the recipes of his e book- the Prince - very functional in silencing the Irish and Scottish terrorists.. do no longer techniques the Vatican on the time. A Tyrant exchange into inspired by the Prince and F Nietzsche's superman.. Tyrants take -Humility of apology, makes eloquence forthright.- with no attention..They get excitement from hear apology from the silent lambs.. Albeit they scarcely forgive or permit bypass. apology would do no solid.. for those harmless women human beings and infants buried below debris.. Human blood and flesh is a similar.. permit it particularly is in Oklahoma, manhattan, Tel Aviv, or Gaza. I observed a sparrow right this moment. On crippled wings, it flew. i presumed-approximately you. suited!!!!

Answer 6

The poem is expressed the religious belief

Answer 7

sounds like a gansta priest rappin'

Answer 8

I think it needs some work.

Answer 9

confusing. not organised. weird poem.

Answer 10

You had me at "God"