I enjoy being intimate with others but only if they do not touch me. Could something be wrong with me?

Question

Recently, one of my partners referred to me as crazy because I guess I am a 'giver' (whatever that means) and said I should seek help.

Answer 1

Captain,

Don't know much how the "male" end of things work with this. In women, though, I have seen a basic personality type that fits the very general description of what you've described.

The "giver" sort of women is very personal and wants badly to help others. Usually she is very practical and productive in her help for others.

But she can also struggle with receiving affection and allowing others to "break the wall" physically between them. Helping someone in extensive, practical ways allows for the woman to give; but also allows her to keep part of herself back, so no one has to intrude into her space. It can be a form of self-protection as much as a form of altruism and concern for others.

Such women often have difficulty in letting affection come TOWARDS them, whether that's due to fear of being hurt or simply self-esteem issues or feeling as if they shouldn't need the help and warmth themselves.

Guys, however, run on a slightly different mentality, so it's hard to tell... and especially with only three broad pieces of information to go on ("enjoy intimacy," "hate being touched," and "giver mentality").

If your partner felt that your level of giving is unhealthy, i would guess that you are using giving as a means to direct your energy outward, thus deflecting anything that might come TOWARDS you and forcing you to accept love (physical or emotional).

This could be a pride issue (you don't want to accept other people's help, even while you give to them); or it could be self-esteem (you don't want to believe others find you desirable); or an autonomy issue (once you let someone in, you now lose some control over your life and have to "reveal yourself" to them in ways you can't control).

Do any of those things feel like they ring a bell? And did your partner's words concern you enough that you want to do something about it? (Just the fact you're asking the question shows that you are considering the possibility they were onto something.)

More information is always useful as well.

Answer 2

One possible answer is that you have Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity which makes one extremely uncomfortable being touched - they're just too much more sensitive to stimulation than the rest of us. If you have other symptoms, then that could be the answer - and medication can help.

I don't think you are crazy - there are all kinds of things it could be, many of them physiological. Of course, it could be psychological - that still doesn't mean you are "crazy". That's a useless and mean thing for your partner to say!

Answer 3

Maybe you're not ready for physical activities yet, At my school being scared of the opposite gender or of being touched is called a 'frigit' So I'd try not to worry there are lots of other people like you. But I advise you get over this childish behavior and remember that life's too short to be picky or 'frigit' in this case :)

Answer 4

I actually went through a phase for about two years when I didn't want people to touch me, now I love hugging the people I'm close to. If this is a persistant problem, there may be an issue.

Answer 5

I'm like that too and I'm diagnosed with aspergers; therapy session will help. it also help if you explain to your partners so they can understand you're viewing the scenary from the other part of the river

Answer 6

yes, seek help, you may have sensorial problems. some physical therapy will help you with your sensitivity issues.

Answer 7

I think you need a psychologist