Please help me with this serious problem?

Question

Ok, my mothers ex boyfriend molested me when i was 8 years old. And I didn't was too scared to go to court and my mother said she couldent force me if i didnt want to go. Im now 19 and it affects me to this day, im a really bad introvert that has very bad social anxiety. The problem is... Is that im starting for some reason look at children in that way... And i would never ever do it, but i dont want to think like a sicko like all those other pedofiles. I was thinking of suicide but my mother needs me, im all she has. PLEASE help me, i dont know what i can do. I want to look at kids like everyone else dose, not to be scared of them. This is ruining my life.

Answer 1

If this actually happened then I beleive your mother was in the wrong and the right people never found out about it.Your mother could have filled charges against the ex boyfriend and with a simple visit to the doctor for you,she could have used the doctors diagnosis as proof in court and you would have never had to step foot in the court.It is too late now to file charges but you do need to see a counselor and maybe talk with a psychologist who can provide further assistance on how to overcome your fears.

Answer 2

The effects of abuse linger until you get help - there are unfortunately a lot of people out there like yourself, but the good news is there are support groups and professionals. You say you are very shy, but Survivors of Incest Anonymous offers online support groups
http://www.siawso.org/
That's a start, but it sounds like you may have to take the bull by the horns and call the community mental health center and start talking about the abuse with someone.
Your messed up thoughts about children are understandable - you are not a bad person, you are an injured person. What would make you a bad person is not getting the help you need when there is so much at stake. It is scary to get help, but you are a caring person obviously, or else you wouldn't be asking for help here. Good luck and I know you can recover from this.

Answer 3

If this is true and not a false memory or fantasy, most molesters wants to take away the innocence of the child, thats what attract most of them.

You need to talk to a real friend, even if you dont have social skills you can start developing them, is important you talk freely about your emotions and feelings, if you cant today you can have a notebook or agenda and write some of your past, this diary will understand you is part of you and is and should be private.

Revenge is not the solution, neither is revenge with your self, you dont have to feel guilt about this, enjoy the beautiful things life gave you and share them with the people you love, be in a religion practice religion that will help you to understand you better but also to learn to forgive, sometimes is difficult but is the best way, to forgive other´s and to keep your life working, we only have one life please don´t destroy it.

It is likely you look at kids not because you like them but because you remember that past of yours, you see yourself in some of them, you project your emotions, thats fine, just dont do the mistakes others did in the past, learn to be yourself, to live healthy, those molesters need a lot of help and therapy, you are a good person from the moment you recognize your own past, but also see the positive side of people, dont think all are the same or will do the same, show life you are strong and you have many people like me that support you.

Not only your mother needs you, but the world needs you, work on that and dont feel sorry for others and dont feel bad for you, things happens in life, use your intelligence to deal with those strong emotions and please talk to someone about this in the correct moment, suicide NEVER a solution for a problem that has solution.

You are strong from the moment you recognize yourself as a good person as someone with values and you recognize the past, not everyone can do this....

Thanks for sharing part of you,

fXavier.
Monterrey Mexico.

Answer 4

Your line about "like all those other pedophiles" sounds like your already guilty.It doesn't matter if your a man or a woman ,call your local abuse hot line and ask where you can get some serious help or turn yourself in but please don't destroy a child's life.
Try woman's crisis center ,Look in the phone book for a support group.I hear that a lot of abused kids grow up to abuse but you know better and you need to be responsible for your own actions , don't use what happened to you to justify your thoughts and stay away from temptation .No baby sitting for you.

Answer 5

There is not an easy solution that anybody can prescribe, but read good healthy literature (spiritual / motivational), it will be of great help ..It is said that that books are the best friend.

I said so because the most important thing is change of mindset which is surely possible.

Leave the rest to God, U r born and designed for a reason in His world, so live your best,

all good and bad things that happens to one id due to His/her own deeds in some birth, so give the world the best you can.

God bless you.

Answer 6

It is obvious that it is an unresolved issue in your life. Since you have not been able to help yourself out of this I highly suggest you get professional help. There is no shame in that. I too was a victim. I've read up on it and since I was able to visit the library I've read everything I could concerning my own experience. I have no compulsion to victimize others at all. If you are having dangerous thoughts please seek help immediately. There are hotlines listed in the phone book. If you can't find one then call the suicide hotline and they will refer you. Please don't be a tragedy waiting to happen. Get help.

Answer 7

Seek professional help.

Answer 8

take it ease don't ever try anything like that oke ? go see a councilor and don't worry they understand you let go on your feelings and they will help you become a better person :) good luck

Answer 9

Yikes. I'm so sorry to hear that. I think the best thing for you is theropy.