I (female) am african american, my husband is white/hispanic. I want to fit in and be accepted by all of those in his family not just his mother. I am very outspoken and independant and I stand up for what I beleive in. My husband says I intimidate some of them by being so outspoken and honest. I have never disrespected anyone but I do speak my mind and say what is on my mind. I get along with all except his 23 yr old little sister. Now on my side is just my mother and she thinks he is a bad influence on my kids(previous relaitonship). I do not see it that way. He teaches my son(11) to respect women and to not wear his clothes hanging off his ***. But my son likes ock music and my mom thinks its because of my husband. He teaches my daughter(8) to respect her self and he shows her the important trait it is to have a dad. her dad is in jail.
2006-11-26 16:36:44 · 5 answers · asked by choco-vanilla 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It actually sounds like your in law problems aren't as bad as some folks. On his side, if it's pretty much the little sister that doesn't get along with you try developing a relationship with her, take her to lunch, call & chat with her if possible. Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground. If his family feels intimidated by your outspokeness, try toning it down around them a little. Sometimes it can be a real learning experience to just listen to other folks. It's probably just different communication styles. Again, just look for as much common ground as you can find.
On your side, I think your mom needs to get a grip. Your husband sounds like he's good to your son - what does your mom want - for you to hold out for the guy whos in jail? She needs to learn to accept your choice. Best wishes!
2006-11-26 16:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just said that you are outspoken and I think you're downright frank and honest with how you are feeling . I appreciate you for standing up to what you believe...for nowadays people with principles in life are somewhat becoming rare. By being so, then I think you better have a heart to heart talk with your in-laws and ask them straight in the eye...what are your do's and don'ts...their likes and dislikes... so that you will be properly guided with your actions and dealings with each of them. And I think they will surely understand you because you are from a different race and was being raised through a different culture and practices. When i got maried 22 years ago, the only advice that my Dad gave me, which I till uphold to this day was " Always love and respect your inlaws more than you do to us your parents and siblings because they will not surely understand you...for they are not your kins...but even though you will take us for granted...or...may tend to forget us ...still we will understand and love you...because you are our child. So...just be patient and always keep your cool...the day will come wherein your inlaws will look up to you not because of your race but because they 'll know that you are worthy to deserve their son. Good luck!
2006-11-26 16:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by dimma59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be tough. My only real comment is to remember that you can speak your mind while being tactful. If you just blurt something out before thinking it through, it may well be taken differently than you intended.
We don't care about that stuff in our family. My dad saw to that, and I'm glad he did. It helped my daughter find her husband, who is black. We don't care. He's a terrific asset to this family, and wonderful, caring husband, and a great father.
2006-11-26 16:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
SOMETIME YOU JUST HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOU MAY
NOT BE ABLE TO PLEASE EVERYONE SO DONT TRY. IF
YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ARE HAPPY THAT ALL THAT MATTER. BUT FOR WHAT I HAD READ HE SOUND LIKE
A GOOD MAN. AND THAT WHAT COUNT AT THE END. AS
FOR THE RELATIVIES THEY WILL COME AROUND BUT
IF THEY DONT THEN DONT WORRY ABOUT. BUT DONT
'LET ANY COME BETWEEN WHAT YOU HAVE. AND THE
VALUES THAT HE TEACHES YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOOD
ONES.
2006-11-26 16:42:07 · answer #4 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can relate to your prob., but remember that acceptance need a time .someday they would accept you and just be yourself and stand up for what you believe in.ok
2006-11-26 16:41:28 · answer #5 · answered by jobz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋