How can you help someone who won't help themselves?

Question

My sister is 23 years old, she has just had her second child in july. Out of wedlock. He daughter had to be taken to the childrens hosptial a few hours after birth. And she is still there. We all know it is hard on her. But since she got pregnet the first time, she has been angry, sad, depressed. But it has escalted in the last months. She is just so angry all the time. My parents are always there. But my mom can't take it anymore. She tells my sister she needs to go to see someone just to talk things out, but she wont. Everything we do for her is wrong. What can we do?

Answer 1

You can't. Time WILL take care of it.

Answer 2

Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest. I don't think there is much you can do for your sister if she is like you describe. It sounds like she may be angry at you and the rest of the family. From where she is right now, there really isn't anything you can do as she will interpret anything you do as an attack.

Probably the best thing you can do right now is leave her alone. Don't try and fix her or change her in anyway. As much as you can, accept her warts and all and let her experience the natural consequences of her behavior.

It is hard to watch someone we love sink into despair and hopelessness. The reality is there is little we can do unless she asks for help.

Make sure you let her know that your door is always open to her, but she has to be the one to make the move towards you helping her.

Answer 3

your sister needs to be evaluated for diseases that pass the blood brain barrier, like hepatitis c. depression and moodiness do not happen on it's own. sure life experience can sometimes make us that way, but the specialists are finding out more about viral infections and how easily they infect the brain and cause chemical imbalances. chances are your sister is un-diagnosed.

anti-depressants do not help in this circumstance. they are not smart enough to by-pass a viral infection.

there are many viruses that become a chronic issue. please seek the advice of a specialist. have her test for antibodies of the well known viruses.

Other things can cause the issue as well....even the mildest of concussions can cause depression and moodiness. Your sister is probably taking the situation a lot harder than what you think. She may be hard on herself, she certainly needs outside support-thing is, they just want everyone on happy pills. They don't work and if they do, only to have the depression come back after a person is done taking them. Viruses are smart. Pills aren't.

*to all the other posters in answers to this question...there are ligitimate reasons sometimes as to why a person cannot help themselves. especially when you see the wrong doctors, get wrong diagnosises....even when you lack the energy. trust me, prior to my antiviral chemotherapy, i slept 18 hour days. sometimes a person has no energy to get up and go and take care of things, this also aids in the madness of things. this girl is lost. i know the feeling. sometimes you need help, sometimes its offered, but not the right kind. it took me ten years for someone to finally really listen, that it wasn't just depression....there was something causing it. HCV was the culprit. I had every symptom imaginable plus some in the 'depression questionare' list.

Answer 4

You help them anyhow, they are family!
She could have been suffering from Postpartum Depression from the first child, and now again with this one. Or, it could be Depression.
She is going through a lot right now and I hope her family doesn't give up on her. Can you talk to her doctor about it and see if he has any ideas?

What is postpartum depression?
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a serious medical condition that can develop some time in the first few months after childbirth. Without treatment, PPD can be prolonged and disabling. PPD is very common, affecting 1 in 8 women during the first months after childbirth.1 PPD can also strike after miscarriage, stillbirth, and adoption.

In rare cases, a woman with postpartum depression also develops psychotic symptoms that endanger herself and others (postpartum psychosis).

What are common symptoms?
Symptoms of postpartum depression include extreme fatigue, loss of pleasure in daily life, sleeplessness (insomnia), sadness, tearfulness, anxiety, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, irritability, appetite change, and poor concentration.

I have two links here for you, the first one is for Postpartum Depression, the second, Depression, hope it helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

Problem is the last sentence " Everything we do for her"! Sister needs to grow up and start doing for herself. Mommmy and Daddy are probably saying "Oh Daughter how can we help? or they (parents) may feel guilty about how things turned out"....Let her know that there are professionals who deal with depression and other mental health issues and that you will support her decisions in getting help...sometimes family really wants to help and they don't realize that they maybe part of the problem....You may be getting angry reading this but please seek profession help from a licenced therapist or social worker so that your parents don't lose their sanity.

Answer 6

Talk to her doctor that delivered her baby- he should be made aware of your sisters emotional status, especially how depressed she was PRIOR to having this second child. He should be concerned for mental well being and that of her children - there is post partum depression but she sounds like she is clinically depressed prior to even having her second child and she needs medical intervention/psychological intervention/treatment. Please keep an eye on her and until you can get her to seek help-

Answer 7

You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.
Just like a smoker or a drinker - if they don't want to quit - you can't make them
Your sister is probably experiencing Post Partum Syndrome, but as long as she is feeling as lousy as she is - and refuses to seek help - there is nothing you can do for her.
She has to want the help.

Answer 8

I strongly believe no one cant help her unless she's willing to help herself first before anyne can help her...the more u or anyone tryng to help her .. the more she will resent it...the only way to help her is to be there for her and love her unconditonally is all you can do...

Answer 9

You can't help a person, that will not help themselves,,, leave her alone, that is called tuff love.

Answer 10

my friend you will never be able to help someone when they does not wanna help themselves.....they are themselves and when they does not wanna help themselves.....they wont listen to others....