Why is it that people feel that when they have conflict in their marriage, they think divorce all they can do?

Question

Why is it when people have a little trouble in their marriages that they feel that it's not worth working it out, that they have to jump right to divorce withouth even trying to work things out?

I personally feel that if you have problems in your marriage, try marriage counceling first.

Hey Leaping Lizzard, I'm not talking about myself with the question, but I'm saying marriages in general. It seems like someone else said that people want an easy button in marriage to have an easy way out when things are not going their way.

Answer 1

Alot of people think divorce is the easy way out. You don't have to try anymore and you don't have to admit your own faults. Trying to salvage a marriage has got to be one of the hardest things in the world to do. It is filled with raw emotion that just runs away sometimes. If people can keep their anger in check and concentrate on whats important in the marriage they have a chance. Other than that, I can't think of a way to save a marriage.

Answer 2

Bryan,
you say a little trouble/ that's really a loaded question. How much is a little? How long has it gone on . What kind of trouble are you talking about?
My ex husband is a confirmed alcoholic who is happy just the way he is. We were married 18 years and I tried everything I could including Alanon & counselling with an alcohol counsellor to try and live with him and his little problem. I finally came to the conclusion that the boat we were in goes nowhere with only one oar in the water. So after almost 2 decades of fights over nothing and always being broke I filed for divorce. You know what he said to me when I told him about it? "I didn't do anything wrong and you're gonna do it to me anyway". In his mind he didn't do anything wrong. I hope that's not the little trouble you are having in your marriage. Marriage is a job that both parties have to really work at to have a good relationship. Keeping communication open between you is of vital importance. I know that is what is keeping my present marriage a successful one. We talk about everything whether it's a big thing like a home equity loan or a little thing like he doesn't want chicken for dinner. Marriage is NOT made in heaven, it's made through compromise on both parts and both parties working to make the relationship a good one for each other. Maybe personal counselling for each of you would be a good place to start before you get to marriage counselling. The marriage may be suffering because the people in it are having personal problems that need to be worked out first.
Good luck to you both.
LL

Answer 3

People are afraid to communicate. If they did and without judging each other, I think the differences can be resolved. But too otfen we let our egos get in the way of things and we allow our pride to say "Why forgive when he/she has done this to me?"
It is easier to ingore our problems by divorcing than it is to face it. We want to blame the other person rather than say it was 50-50 in responsibility. However if the underlining problem isn't resolved, a person may go through the same pattern and end up divorced 3-4 times and still not be happy.
However there are times when people should have nnot married in the first place and divorce is necessary for the betterment of both.

Answer 4

Unfortunately most people have let their problems get so bad that they are past counseling they have given up by all the problems. Or they think that the problem that was little was already solved, but quickly figure out that they are throwing in each others faces later on when another problem comes along. So it is just a matter of waiting to long to get the help that is needed.

Answer 5

Although I agree, I do not think that most people jump right into divorce. Counseling is definately something married people should do to make sure that their marriage is able to be saved from divorce. I divorced after counseling,seperation and time alone to really decide. For myself, I am glad I tryed and didn't run although I could have. If you have decided to marry, you owe it to the future for not just your spouse, but yourself as well to get help with issues before you opt out.

Answer 6

I agree with you but most people wont go to marriage counseling and divorce is the easy way out instead of working on your problems.

Answer 7

Since you were being very candid, I will be with my answer as well. I hope it is helpful and not hurtful: Your question as to why he married you when you were overweight to begin with can be either he has such low self esteem and is such a bad guy that he thought he deserved to marry someone who couldn't make him truly happy or no one else would be able to love him. The second reason is as you said, no one is perfect. He married you because he loved who you were inside. Maybe he convinced him self that you were the perfect person in every aspect except the physical and his love for you could eventually cover that gap. I woud say it is the second reason since he hasn't acted on his attraction to other women, It seems like he is sincerely trying. He went to therapy to try and work on the marriage. He has been taking steps to communicate better with you, something that doesn't come naturally for him. You can walk away from what you have and just feel sorry for yourself and wonder for the rest of your life you attempted to get to a healthy weight you and your husband could have the intimacy you always wanted. It is easy to find someone we are physically attracted to, it is a lot harder to find someone we connect with mentally and feel safe and comfortable with.

Answer 8

It depends, because if the same troubles are constantly revisited then that is a clear indication that nothing is/will change. Also, if the other person is not willing to go to a counselor, then what do you have left ? Aside from praying about it (that depends on the individual) and seeing no change, then one must take it as a sign and consider to dissolve the marriage.

Answer 9

I agree with you. People are always looking for an easy out. Marriage takes work.

Answer 10

I agree but sometimes the problems go on so long unsettled or undisputed that they have given up all hope on the problem being solved. Also, what I have come to find is that alot of men have problems with counseling-too much self esteem.