Please tell my son & his girlfriend its cruel to let their 3 month old scream & scream & act indifferent!?

Question

They moved in w/ me when baby was 3 wks old. He's 20, she's 18. They're both the baby, so no exp. w/ younger siblings, or other kids of their own. Jr is 3 mos old. (emerg. c-section)
1st problem was severe colic-I finally bought the expensive formula myself, gave it to him so they could see his incessant crying & g.i. distress WAS colic! (now on WIC) My son insists he "fights sleep." (since less than 2 mos old) I bought 1 of those massaging seats that plays music, & if he's not there, he's on a blanket in the floor. We just had another argument because baby SCREAMED nonstop for 1/2 hr! Neither of them budged! I finally had to intervene & got the usual nasty, hateful attitude from my son who insists his crying that long is ok, that he "knows" how to take care of his son. He claims "people in the street" and "the dr." told him "its ok to let a baby cry!" I told him that's not what the dr meant as normal. I try to teach infant care calmly, nonjudgmental-very resented. Help!??

Answer 1

Babies need to feel safe and comfortable, when they cry they are looking for just that. Letting them cry when they need something only makes them feel insecure. Any other animal speices will come to the cry of an infant, its natural. And with the baby still so young makes it even more important (:

Answer 2

♥♪♦♫ OK everything will be OK just breath for one second. This is kinda messed up because as long as you get your grandson then they will allow you to but on the other hand if you don't get the baby then the baby will suffer. I know that you already have everything for the baby that you need. The mother should have much more feelings more than anybody, when I had my first baby I did the opposite I did not let my daugther cry at all and neither did my mother. Your son should take the responsibility of becoming a father. I know that you are up to your ends wit and that you need a break so the best thing that you need to do is take a vacation because just as long as you stay in the house you will and you are the second mother of this child and that is the reason why all children love their grandparents. The reason why I said to take the vacation is because the mother needs to bond with that child and also so does your son. I know that you probably already used this but have you tried the Johnson & Jhonson Lavender Oil and Lotion and Baby Wash that really clams the baby down and helps the baby go to sleep. Thank God for Grandmothers because some children probably couldn't make it without them. I hope that I have helped you I did the best that I could.

Answer 3

I have a 2 months old with colic problem, and I tell to shut up all those 'clever ones' who say 'let the baby cry'. I even had fights with my husband and mother-in-law over that. A crying baby has to be pasified by any means. Try 100 different ways - one of them will work. Screaming baby is not normal, and I know plenty of complications continuous crying can cause, including more severe colic problem due to the air which baby swallows while crying too much.

Answer 4

My daughter cried like that when she was very small and it was necessary to let her scream it out. Nothing I did or gave her could help. If you are sure that there is something causing the baby to cry...like pain, then yes something should be done to find the cause and stop the problem...but a lot of kids, including mine just wanted to be held and that's where you have to draw the point. yes, there is a time limit on letting your child scream....I'd say 15 minutes or so tops...but crying is good for them. They need love and attention but not to the point where you can't have a regular life because they won't let you put them down. I suggest to find out if anything is wrong and if there isn't, then I'd give your son and his girlfriend do what they feel is best for their child. I had my first child at the age of 19 and just because we're young doesn't mean that we don't have any parenting instincts...not the case with all though. I applaud you for helping them but don't be too critical either.

Answer 5

That's too young to be letting a baby "cry it out." That baby is trying to tell people that he wants something, he needs to be held or needs some sort of attention. If it's colic, they need to be trying whatever they can to make the poor kid comfortable so he can go to sleep - letting him cry that long is not going to help. Bounce him, rock him, drive him around in the car, whatever it takes.

I don't think a baby should ever be left to cry for half an hour, but that whole "cry it out" theory is meant for older babies who are crying because they think they can manipulate the parent that way (and that would be only after you've checked to make sure there's nothing actually wrong with them).

Answer 6

Ok I whole heartedly agree that at 3 months being allowed to cry for 30 minutes is innappropriate. We have always gone by a 10 minute rule in our family for any age baby. This of course doesn't include temper tantrums. : ) I would kick both their butts by the way for just leaving a 3 month old screaming for that long. However I don't know what to tell you about what to do about it. Personally I'm a teen mommy and when the littlest thing goes wrong I call my mom. I'm sure I'm driving her nuts but she knows better than I do usually. If I can't get her on the phone I call my future MIL. I don't know why the mommy doesn't appreciate your help. You should also try to encourage them to challenge the baby physically and mentally instead of letting him just sit in the bouncy seat. I have a cousin-in-law who never took her second child out of his carseat because she was always running after her toddler and he was seriously behind in both physical and mental development compared to my daughter and my other cousins kids. I hope you get them set straight.

Answer 7

aww thats so sad:[ i'm gonna pray for your girlfriend. Well, you could do lots of things. You could go to the beach, the park, the movies, take her out to eat and stuff like that. Things that are safe. Some days she may not be feeling too weell ,so take that into consideration. Try to spend as much time with her as possible but give her time to her family and herself. Make her feel special and tell her that she is beautiful. Any day could be her last. Dont treat her like she is sick and try not to be negative and sad. Take pictues and videos to remember her later on. Also i think that you could talk about it when she is ready, but since it hasnt been too long since shes heard i think you could wait.Its gonna come up eventually. You could say something like "Whatever happens just know that i love you and your a great friend and i'll miss you" good luck. hope i helped:]

Answer 8

I second the Dr. Sears books, though it doesn't sound like either one would do too much reading. Just keep on doing what you need to do to take care of that baby, sounds like you're his best advocate. Set an example. Explain that crying is the baby's ONLY form of communication, and that they need to respond to that crying, even if all they can do is hold the baby, at least the baby is being told someone hears him and is trying to fix whatever is bothering him. Good luck.

Answer 9

I don't believe picking up and cuddling and crying infant is spoiling the child. How do you spoil a 3 month old?!? In fact studies show that babies who are held and touched often grow and develop into more intelligent and secure adults. Not to mention the health benefits. ie...Kangaroo Care (skin to skin contact) ...where preemies are held to the mothers' or fathers' bare skin, tend to gain more weight and develop at a better rate than preemies who are just left alone. You can never love your child too much when they are young, plain and simple. Really if most of us think about it, would we say we got enough love when we were young?

Answer 10

I am glad that the baby is living with you grandma. That way you can look out for the little guy. This is way too young an age to let a baby "cry it out". At this young, tender age the baby needs all the love and comfort he can get. When he gets older (around 9 months or so) and he is having trouble falling asleep on his own I can see letting them cry before bedtime until they learn how to fall asleep on their own. But not three months! This little guy needs to feel secure and be cuddled, loved, and comforted in warm arms.