At 32 years old,he is 5' 6" tall 135 lbs, in jail for going 60mph down wrong side of road destroying a private fence and flipping this car 4 times to total it. He may have been trying to outrun police with drugs. This son has been intimidated by a grandfather when he was quite young to think that he doesn't need to pay bills, study, keep his nose clean, maintain a steady relationship, work hard, obey traffic laws or pay fines and that all the money he earns is his to keep. He went from that influence to younger larger builds of men intimidating influence, some larger persons who had kids by multiple women, did not pay child support and did drugs. So my son got into drugs and seemed to adore that lifestyle. He is waiting trial on the driving to endanger charge and destruction of property charges. He has been there 6 months so far in jail awaiting trial. What can be done to help him grow up? He has a 6 year old son by an ex wife who condoned his drug usage with her cousins.
2006-11-26 15:19:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Sorry to say this -- but LET HIS REAR END SIT IN THE JAIL CELL and ROT ...
That is the ONLY way he is going to GROW UP ... and if YOU or others continue to cover up and enable his abuses (and he is NOT held responsible for his conduct), then he will NEVER grow Up!
YOU need to be strong -- and say NO! NO! I will NOT post your bond. NO! I will NOT cover up for you anymore. NO! I will NOT pay your bills. NO! I will NOT pay for your attorney fees. NO! I will NOT take the cost of the Phone Calls you make from Jail pleading and cursing at me for the Bond money/
NO! YOU, my son, are on your OWN -- and YOU will be RESPONSIBLE from this time forth. YOU totalled the car, YOU destroyed Privat Property, and you do Drugs.
DO THE TIME NOW ... and get yourself clean. The pocketbook is dry, no more will I be the VICTIM here, and no more will I enable your irresponsible conduct.
2006-11-26 15:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At this point there is nothing you can do. Send him cigarettes and pray for him. He is a grown man and must learn to take the consequences of his actions. It sounds like you may have attempted to bail him out of too much already. I am not sure what you mean by he was 'intimidated' into being irresponsible, I am not sure that can be done. But it sounds like he did not have any positive male role models. Regardless, he still could have made something of himself if he wanted to and it seems he has taken on the lifestyle he prefers.
2006-11-26 16:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by searious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say this but sounds like you are the problem by not raising your kid right. Help him grow up -- what a irresponsible thing to say. Is he not grown up ? Your kid needs to take hold of his own life.
You should have stepped in when this crazy old fart told him that he doesen't need to be responsible. Where were you ? Were you living the lifestyle of Boozing and Dope and living the bar scene ?
What a think to teach a kid ! If my father was teaching my kid these things I would probhibit any contact with this poor example of a male figure. And I would step in and raise my son myself. Instead many years you are asking how can we teach him to grow up. Well sounds like jail and the fellow inmates and correctional officers will see to that.
If and when he gets out, be a mother to him and help get him off dope. Don't blame his cousins and grandpa or the ex-wife and the people that he hung/hangs around with, it is your son's fault --period.
It is clear at least to me he grew up without a male figure or not a very strong one, and that is too bad, but what is done is done - have your son start his FIRST lesson in being responsible by serving his term in jail / prison.
P.S. don't allow history repeat itself which is obvious to me - the 6 year old child try see to it that he does not follow in the bad part of this father's law-breaking lifestyle.
2006-11-26 16:01:34 · answer #3 · answered by caciansf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your son. To make him grow up you can not do anything. To help him grow up, you can let him know that no one approves of his behavior. Try some rehab and make sure the rehab people don't put him down. Just don't disown him.
2006-11-26 15:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by jg31 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get him involved with religion.
If he sits in jail, he will pick up worse habits from the criminals around him.
At least in church he might get some positive role models. Just make sure it isn't a Catholic church.
2006-11-26 15:47:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him sit in jail. Give him time to think about his ways.
2006-11-26 15:23:41 · answer #6 · answered by trollwzrd 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me that the - "what" is being done to him- by him. He will either choose to "grow up" or he will not. There is only so much you can do. It seems you have done all you can. God bless!
2006-11-26 15:25:27 · answer #7 · answered by tbaby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hope he does jail time. Maybe you can commit him into therapy.
Good Luck I feel awful for you!
2006-11-26 15:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by dakota29575 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not a victim, if you treat him as one you will only hurt him
2006-11-26 15:28:42 · answer #9 · answered by Sid B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put him on Jerry Springer. For $10,000.
2006-11-26 15:22:29 · answer #10 · answered by Shaddup Libs 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋