How do you stay with a spouse that is lousy in bed?

Question

OK before you make any opoinions about this please hear me out.

I love my husband...we have been together for 14 years and married for 7. In the past we have had the on again off again relationship but for the past 3 years we have been solid.

I love him I really do...but he is more like the little brother that I never had. He is honestly my best friend.

But he is LOUSY in bed. Sometimes it's so bad that I just tell him to stop. I won't cheat...we have a little boy and I couldn't ruin his family because I am not happy. That's wrong...

Anyone else with this probem...any advice?

I don't know if some of you have missed the part about us being together for a total of 14 years...trust me I have TALKED and TOLD him...but it doesn't seem to do any good. My son will be 18 in 12 years...but that' s a long time to wait for some good "stuff"

Oh...and I was a FREAK before I met him...but he isn't into all that...he is very....well boring...I am going to snap soon lol

Answer 1

You could try a few things, some of which you might find awful, but I'll list a few. Others can add to the list:

Make sure he finds YOU to be good in bed.

Get sex ed books, tapes, DVDs. Read & watch with him.

Try using porn. Show him what you like on the movie.

Go to sex therapy.

Go to regular old marriage counseling.

I wish you all the best. I'm sorry if some of my answers sound crude, but sometimes, crude works.

Answer 2

Try going to a sex therapist. Also, while you are having sex, try giving him some direction. You could also masturbate before, during, or after sex. Try changing your mindset. Instead of thinking this is the worst se ever you could think, this is going to be amazing I am sharing an intimate moment with a man that I love. To bring out his inner freak try a drink or two. He probably just feels bashful. Or, you guys could watch/read porn together and you can point out the things that seem appealing to you and try to get him to try them. Worst of all, never tell him that he stinks in bed. Gentle encouragment will probably work better for you.

Answer 3

I don't have that problem but there are ways around this sort of thing. For instance, give him specific instructions. Whisper in his ear and tell him that you want him to do this...do that...a little harder. This is how you like it type of things. He will do it as soon as you say it. You shouldn't have to instruct him again. You have to please him as well. You two can't just jump right in to sex, you need foreplay. If not, its not interesting, its flat out boring. You can try roleplaying. If you add a little spice, you might bring him out and see a side of him you never seen. The last thing I can think of is buy yourself a sex toy for you. You can use it together too, but its always good to have one when you're not getting anything good and want to remain happy.

Answer 4

You definitely have to communicate what you want. It doesn't matter how you say it or when, but you have to tell him what makes you happy and what doesn't. You should not be unkind, and you should not "fake" it for his benefit. Because in the end you both lose. However, by telling him openly and honestly what you like, you both get what you want. This does require a fairly high level of self awareness. Do you know what you like? If not how will he ever know?

Answer 5

Have you tried to tell him what would make him good in bed?

You probably can't just say, you are lousy in bed.

But start with something that he does well and build on that. He can't be bad at everything, so start with his success and build from that.

He doesn't own your equipment and he's not in your head or body, so you are the one who is responsible for training him in what turns you on.

I could think of worst things than being married to my someone I consider my best friend.

If he really is your best friend, then be his best friend and teach him the ropes.

That's what friends do for friends.

Answer 6

well maybe he really is bad do you both get real into it you ahve to have something that jsut fires you off in the first place you both have to want it and its always supposed to be fun and you are supposed to try real hard to help that other person out jsut as you would want to be helped out talking has always been a good thing sometimes if you talk while your doing it like let them know when its real good and off a liitel by the way you sound and the things you say maybe you can then directed him where to go while your in to it that has always helped me when i need some help finding what the want and need

Answer 7

In the same situation, except married for 5 years.
Have 2 kids.
We went to a sex therapist. That didn't work.
I bought some XXX movies that had scenes of what I wanted our sex life to be like. Gave them to him as a gift along with a bottle of
STAMINA RX (available in the vitamin section in Walmart).

End of problem.

Answer 8

Men have very sensitive egos, maybe he isn't trying cause your complaining. Maybe watch a "movie" with him, tell him the things you would enjoy and have him try them on you, don't demean him, but direct him to the places he needs to go. If that doesn't work, get a good vibrator and call it a day.

Answer 9

Look into your spouse's psychological health. Autistic spetrum people tend to be either lousy/uninterested in bed or oversexed - either way they don't understand intimacy and caress aspects of sex.

Oh - and get some good lotion for your hand - you'll need it for yourself.

Answer 10

I guess if I were told I was lousy....I would doubt myself too.Or told Stop....right in the middle....It would really be hard to step up to the plate....get the drift.


Spice it up.....however slowly....work into it.....if you truly love him....you can make it work....it takes two.

Don't go to bed with a score card...go with your heart you might see a difference.

just my thoughts....you know better than anyone you are living it.
Not judging...just my opinion.

Best wishes