I am in love with a married man. We are best friends. As feelings were growing,i though that he will get divorced. but he has not. i finally confront him and he told him i was pushing him away and he confessed that he wasnot proud about the fact that he has not been truthful to himself about his emotions and feelings,but that he has been scared of dealing with it. what should i do if i am deeply in love with him? i am sure he is not the kind of guy who is a player and he has said he loves me.
2006-11-26 14:52:21 · 40 answers · asked by confuse06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, you're sure he's not a player? Well, you did notice, didn't you, that he's a no good scoundrel cheat? He wants a relationshiop but hasn't committed to filing for the divorce? He says you're pushing him away?!? Well, you should. He can't give you anything but, possibly, a sexually transmitted disease. He's made a mockery of his marriage. If he's willing to cheat on her, you can bet he'll cheat on you.
It's easy to say "I love you" but only means something if your actions show it and his do not. Once he's gotten the divorce, THEN have him call you.
2006-11-26 14:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jackie Blue 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Oh really? Not a player?? Why should he leave his wife?? Out of love for you? Why? When he can be with you and have all the physical benefits and not the costs, responsibilities or support payments? It's the best world for some men and believe me, he is lying about any divorce. He has no intention of leaving what is a "good thing" when he has you on the side. AND if you split up, watch, he will find another very quickly. Also, IF he did divorce and end up with you, what would make you think he would stay faithful to you?? Surely not any vows, since he has already broken those. Unfortunately there are many men just like this and as far as I am concerned, they are scum. They lie to their wives and children and they lie to their woman on the side. They play both and don't have the guts to be failthfull to anyone. I've seen both sides of this story. The wife hurts so badly when she finds out or suspects that it can literally drive her insane. The deception goes deep into her heart and is so unfair to her and her children. He uses the excuse "Your pushing me" so that you won't force him to decide. If you ever do, he WILL go back to his wife, but only until he can find someone else to deceive. He is a liar and a cheat and he won't change for you or anyone else. I know your hurting, but work on YOU and breaking this off. It has no good ending for you and he will play you until their is nothing left to play and then dump you. You have to learn that you are worth more than this, otherwise, you will be the "other woman" forever.
2006-11-26 15:03:17 · answer #2 · answered by foxfire 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you should not be proud of yourself! this man is cheating on his wife with you.does he have children? if he does , spare a thought for them. you are not his friend - a friend would help him with problems in his marriage ( which there obviously is if he is talking of divorce),not take advantage of the situation. MARRIED MEN ARE OFF LIMITS!!!!. you do not know the situation in their marriage you will only be told what is convenient & likely to get them laid. if he has had sex with you - HE IS A PLAYER!.WALK AWAY FOR THE SAKE OF THE SISTERHOOD. let him & his wife sort out their problems , only after they have separated is he fair game. it is quite possible that it is you that has caused the problem in his marriage , someone new flirting with them can be quite the ego boost for a man. an ego boost is all well & good , but at the end of the day , a divorce is a big step financially & emotionally (especially when children are involved) & many men are prepared to fool around if the opportunity presents itself, but not go any further. have you thought about how you would feel if you were his wife? have you ever been cheated on? believe me it is not nice.this will not end well for you!(this seems like the only person you care about). get away from him now before you make things any worse .
2006-11-26 15:50:23 · answer #3 · answered by chocaholic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may have strong feelings for him....but he is MARRIED !
He may have strong feelings for you....but he is MARRIED !
It may devastate you, but you must be a grown-up and just walk away from this -- you are deluding yourself if you really think he'll get a divorce. He may WANT a divorce, but that doesn't mean he will go through with it. He says he has been scared of dealing with his feelings? Do you really want a man who is so weak ???And would a man this weak EVER take a stand that would put him in a difficult situation? I don't think so!
Have some pride in yourself and stop the DRAMA !!! And stop being so convenient & accommodating to him. If you are so deeply in love with him, keep the feelings of love, but put them on the 'back burner' and don't act on them. You will find many things in life that you feel, but cannot act upon. Get used to it -- it's called life !
And, oh yeah, remember....he is MARRIED !!!!! (& not to you)
2006-11-26 15:14:20 · answer #4 · answered by Maewest 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, you ared not the first person to find themself in a situation like this. He may or may not ever divorce his wife and I can't say that he is a "player". Sometimes people find themselves in situations that they did not plan for or even give much thought to. This may be the situation with him and it was great for awhile now it is time to get back to his "real" life. On the otherhand, maybe he does love you. It takes time to work out all of the stuff that goes with divorce especially if he has been married a long time and has children.
Quit pushing, wait for awhile if you want but if he loves you, truly loves you, he will file for divorce soon. Good luck.
2006-11-26 15:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by loveseat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dated my best friend for a year. He said he had divorced her. He did not get a divorce until After we were engaged. His children, 23 and 25, now call me the hussy that stole their dad.
I never knew until it was too late. It was shameful in the worst way. He LIED to me the entire time. Hid the whole married life with help from his FAMILY. It's plain SICK. Now I'm the next ex-wife.
get out fast! A man of honor and integrity divorces FIRST, then sweet talks a new love.
2006-11-26 15:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by upside down 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is playing you. If he really loved you, he would have left his wife a long time age. If he cannot deal with his emotions and feeling now, he is not going to deal with him emotions and feeling later. Respect yourself, don't you want someone with you all the time and not only when he can get away from his wife and if you ever did get together with him, aren't you going to be worried about where he is and what is he doing when you are not together. Hello, go on with your life when he is ready to deal with his emotions and feeling and if you are still available and if you are still available then you decide, but right now why give the man your heart when he is really not available to give his heart to you.
2006-11-26 15:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by cheoli 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why do some feel the need to ask for an answer to a question that has no true answer, start by looking at your question from being his wife. is this a man you could see your self being married to and after 15 years you find your self being the one left at home while he's out with someone just like yourself, and what would you call this other woman? surly your not seeing the total picture here for your love for him has blinded your sight to what your realy should be looking at. you know what you need to do and your asking for reasone to stay in this relationship. your not going to find many here to give you that responce, for it isn't the path your need to be on. move on and try finding your solemate that is without a ring.
you need to give your self time to see that you will always be the other womam and this isn't the place for anyone to be. if love is what your seeking knowing that what you thing your reciving from him is love will turn out to be just words to keep you on his key ring.
2006-11-26 15:47:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You asked. I think you should get into counseling. He is indeed a player, and you fell for it. There are tons of you who do that, and fall for such lines from married men who want a little on the side. Then they realize that oooops, this ain't right, so they give you some cock and bull story that they just haven't been truthful to themselves, and........ "oh, my, now what do I do....." Consider yourself used, and get out.....Because you WERE used.... what ARE you thinking ,,,,, that he is going to divorce his wife for you??? get real, wake up, and find someone available, because he is not --- neither legally nor emotionally....
What do you want to hear: That you are secretly the only lady on the planet for him that he will divorce his happy home, and leave her for you and you and he will live happily ever after??? Oh BARF. get a life.
2006-11-26 15:09:16 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MOVE!!!
You need to get as far away from him as possible. You need to cut off ALL contact. You need to talk to his wife alone and let her know what has been going on and tell her that you are very sorry. She has the right to know what her scum bag husband and his slut of a mistress have been up to. She needs to have all the facts so that she can decide if he is worth having. You my dear, whether you want to admit it or not are tearing apart a family and you have no right to do that. HE'S MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! Does that not mean anything to you??? HEllo if he will cheat on his wife with you then what is going to stop him from cheating on you with someone else when he gets tired of the nagging and you are just to familiar, and he wants something new and exciting...someone he can go to when he is irritated with you...Good rule of thumb...NEVER be alone with a married man...married is OFF limits...
2006-11-26 15:07:53 · answer #10 · answered by EmmaGee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋