why would my soon to be husband lie to me about something he did yrs ago?

Question

was on my bf old computer that has not been used in yrs.found in his favorites his screen name and password for match.com.when i went under his name i saw he signed-up 3yrs ago,we started dating 4yrs ago.he had about 70 profiles saved you could see he was very active 2-3yrs ago when we were dating.since there was no resent activity i did not think to much of it intill i brought it up in a joke.he looked at me like i was crazy and said he had no clue what i was talking about and got all defensive.i was taken off guard by the fact he would all out lie to me about something that happened 3yrs ago that i just droped it.i'm more concerned that he would lie to me about it than what he did yrs ago.it just makes me wonder if theres more to it than what i know.i may just be over sensitive as i know he cheated on his last wife and we are to get married next yr

Answer 1

Get out while you still can. Since he got angry and defensive that means he is still hiding something. Plus what is going to stop him from cheating on you if you did end up marrying him? Nothing stopped him from cheating on his last wife. Plus you don't know if he actually cheated on you with anyone from that site.

Answer 2

Your last sentence put up a red flag. If he hadn't cheated on his last wife, I would tell you that it was an old profile you found and he probably forgot it was still there. But, if he cheated on his last wife, I'd be worried. He may be very adept at lying and covering up his cheating habits. Once you are married, he may get bored and look to cheat again. I don't think you should marry this man until you know for sure what happened before, and find out from him why that old profile was still there. If he doesn't know what you mean, SHOW it to him! Ask for explanations and then decide if you can trust him or not.

Answer 3

Maybe he forgot about 2-3 years ago, but doesn't like the insinuations and intrusion anyway. Its moot now anyways. Why make an issue of it and ruin the present and the future. Thats what probably got him upset. He can't believe you could or would or should make it an issue now. Thats why he looked at you like you were crazy.

Also, to be honest, we only got the story from one side, We didn't hear his side of the story.

Men are never sure if a woman will stay or if they start imposing limits to a relationship and men are not allowed to push the relationship further. At the time maybe he thought it was just friendship and didn't think it would go further, and to be safe, check plan B, etc, just in case, like sending out resumes, you can't expect a career or job if you only sent one resume and wait a long long time.

There is mistrust on BOTH sides now. He needs to be able to trust you too.

Answer 4

Basically, it sounds as if you don't trust your soon to be husband. The old saying is it looks like a rock, feels like a rock...is a rock. When all of your senses tell you of past truths it is only natural to be leary.

People do not change, you may never be able to trust him.

Reconsider, unless you are extremely sure, or you want to try it out only to find 15 years later, yes the problem never went away.

Answer 5

The truth is and you know, that he cheated be for and you will never forget that and will aways wonder if he is cheating on you,that will be an unhappy marriage don't you think.Don't learn the hard way,it hurts and bad,be for you make this mistake of marriage think about it long and hard,because once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 6

unfortunatly if he cheated on her, he will do the same to u. i married a man who i was told never cheated on any of his previous wives, than out of the blue one day his sister told me he had cheated on his other 3 wives. shortly after he left me for another woman , sure wish i had known this info before i married him, and invested so much. once a cheater they always will do it, whenever things don't go their way, whenever theres a disagreement, i do not feel they ever change. sorry but i would not go into a marriage with a man i knew cheated, and if he was in a relationship with u, and on match.com around the same time, than he also was cheating on u. so save yourself some heartache and move on.

Answer 7

Learn NOW to be open about everything!

Talk with him and tell him your concerns in this.
This talk is not meant to belittle him but to try and understand why he simply did not own up to the account.
Tell him you need assurance that nothing such as this will happen during your marriage.
If he cannot open up to you in any way at this time - BIG FLAG......do not proceed with this relationship until you both are able to talk about a number of issues.

Best wishes!

Answer 8

i say watch him and his online activitys dont make it so he knows you are just kinda check what he is doing every once in a while if you have access to his computer other than that it could be that he is ashamed of what he did and he wasnt quite over the whole cheating thrill back 2- 3 years ago and he is now

Answer 9

Maybe he is imbaressed or wants to leave that part of his life in his past. Be optimistict something like that should make u think too hard. If his computer had recent activity then you can begin too worry.

Answer 10

i think you have a right to be upset or supsicious. But really just talk to him about it and spill all your feelings. Tell him you realize you might be over cautious, but it's better to get all the details out now. and make sure he knows that no matter what happened in the past you will still love him now.