I have so many times nailed him about looking at porn and he says to me that it is not like he is cheating on me but it really hurts that he is looking at all these women and wont have sex with me unless i beg him or catch him on them and then it makes him feel guilty...well it really hurts and i dont know what to do about it...please tell me what to do
2006-11-26 13:04:07 · 61 answers · asked by spunky_16407 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
join in
2006-11-26 13:05:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 6⤋
Well, Spunky, unfortunately it doesn't seem like your husband watching the porn is the problem. It's the fact that he's not making love to you that sounds like the biggest issue to me.
First, you're both adults. If your husband enjoys porn he should be able to watch without censure from you. As long as no minors are involved it shouldn't be a big deal. Sex is healthy and natural.
Second, and most important, the issue of him not wanting to make love to you. Why? Maybe he's been watching the porn to excess and he can't get an erection without it. You should talk to him and let him know that you need more sex without mentioning the porn if you can avoid it. Maybe there is an issue that you don't know about.
Good Luck!
2006-11-26 13:11:12 · answer #2 · answered by blackcaligirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have already been through that and I know it hurts you feel like your not good enough and all the worse possibilites. You are his wife and if he wants to be pleasured he should come to you not get excited over porn then decide he wants you if it bothers you he should respect you enough to not look at it when he has the chance to be with you. I had to pretty much draw my husband a big picture to get him to understand why it bothered me so bad and he finally caught on. I know men like looking at other women but when your married that should be more considerate and not do it as much or not when they are with you. Just try talking to him and let him know how you feel and he will either respect your feelings or not and you will just have to take care of it your own way. I am sorry I am not much help.
2006-11-26 13:11:54 · answer #3 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn can create a serious addiction similar to drugs or alcohol. This can, and does, ruin lives and break up marriages. It is not a little thing and a person addicted to porn often cannot have sex without first viewing it.
He says he's not cheating on you but he is. He is lusting after other women and having sex with them in his mind. He needs help.
There are organizations that help men (some women also have this problem) who are addicted to pornography. Some of them are faith based but there are 12 step programs also. Try typing in "help with porn addiction" on the Internet and you will see that all kinds of resources are available. Try contacting one of them and see if there is anything you can do to help your husband give up this obsession.
2006-11-26 13:13:36 · answer #4 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something you should know, sweetie. Addicts aren't really AVAILABLE. They already have a relationship --- you just aren't it. And computer porn is just not treatable -- he tried, nuthin'.... in a month he was back watching it every hour he wasn't working..... Whether it is alcohol, computer porn, gambling, sex with other women besides his lady/wife, these people just aren't available. You will always be number two, or three or four, or whatever or how many other addictions the guy has. Join in? yeah, sure. pray to god, right. There are few of us, even those of us who are drop dead gorgeous, who can compete with a guy looking at a 15 years old airbrushed body.... they prefer fantasyland to reality. sure it hurts, and when you get really sick of it, you'll leave. And ya know what??? He'll barely miss you.....
2006-11-26 14:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"is not like he is cheating on me but it really hurts that he is looking at all these women and wont have sex with me unless i beg him or catch him on them and then it makes him feel guilty...well it really hurts and i dont know what to do about it"
say that to him. tell him how you feel. tell him that you do not appriciate him looking at other women in that way, and that you might have to look into marrige counseling if things don't change (men ushually hate the thought of marrige counseling, that might help) and reassure him that you love him and want whats best for you two as a couple.
2006-11-26 13:07:51 · answer #6 · answered by Val 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are having this problem. There are a couple of things here. You can let your feelings be hurt, which sounds like you are doing, or you can ask him if you can join in. It will either do one of two things........make him really hot for you or make him wonder why you are so interested all of a sudden. Then I would suggest after watching the women that you wanted to go to a male site. Like most men, he will buck that idea.....but do it anyway.
2006-11-26 13:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by c_my_blueeyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't use it against him, sit on his lap, make it a three some. You might be suprised, it may actually help your sex life. Maybe he's lacking some attention in that department. Just try it for a while, and see what happens. Once in a while, I'll check out some of them sights, and my wife will come in and set on my lap, get a little cozy, and she'll start uuuuhhhh, well (I'll let your imagination take over from there) next thing you know, it's just the two of us, not the third (picture)...............try it,, and good luck!
2006-11-26 13:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by Speedbuggy43 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he trying to screw the TV?
Looking at other people have sex is like watching other baseball players play baseball. When I watch football on TV, I am enjoying the game. It doesn't give me the urge to go out and play football.
Watching a beauty pageant on TV doesn't make me want to put on a dress and parade around the room either.
Watching sex on TV is nothing more than simple amusement, nothing more. Get over it and you'll be a lot happier.
2006-11-26 13:27:32 · answer #9 · answered by T-Bone DeRage 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well at the least maybe you can try to watch with him? Or give him an ultimatium to stop watching porn or try counseling. Me, myself am not a big believer in counseling, but many people use them sucessfully. Also, not to put the onus of his problem on you , but maybe you can find out what he likes so much about porn and maybe incorporate some of those things into your relation.
2006-11-26 13:09:49 · answer #10 · answered by Frank R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quit making him feel guilty. thats going to add so much tension on your marriage. guys love porn. we just need to learn to accept it. don't think of it as cheating either. given the opportunity i'm sure your husband would steer clear of the porn sluts in a face to face situation. you're his wife!! you need to take his credit card and go shopping. maybe buy some sex toys that you can experament with. have you tried watching porn together? tastful of course, but you might discover that its something that can put a spark in your sex life.
2006-11-26 13:10:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋