Sexual abuse after-effects?

Question

My marriage broke up, and one huge problems was that my ex husband was really maladjusted about sex. He also said, "I think some things should never be talked about."

What I'm wondering is -- if a person was sexually abused on a small number of occasions (let's say one, two or three times total, ever), would it warp them that much, that they would never be emotionally right in their adult years? It was impossible for him even to be a close friend out of bed, to give and take emotionally.

And does it matter if the perpetrator was a relative or a non-relative? If it was a male or female? If it was someone close in age, or much older? I'm not trying to diminish how awful abuse is. I was emotionally abused myself. I have no real evidence that abuse is my ex's problem, but I am trying to just understand better what the break-up and his refusal to work on things were about.

Answer 1

I was sexually abused between the ages of 5-7, forced to perform oral sex on my Uncle. He threatened to kill my parents if I told about it,

Yes, the effects of what happened then did carry over into my relationships as an adult. There are certain things I won't do in the bedroom, out of fear of triggering flashbacks of things that happened when I was younger.

And I also have a fear of men in general.

My father was a raging drunk

Answer 2

Abuse is abuse and any kind, no matter who from, when, or how much, it will have an affect on you, and different people react in different ways, and may even change at different stages of their life.
The younger you are and the closer the relationship with that person, the more it affects you because you rely on them you can't just up and leave like an adult can.

In my opinion anyone that has been abused enough for it to affect them in their adult life should speak to a professional because you can deal with it.

If you had stayed together and he hadn't gotten help really all you could have done was be patient and understanding, I know what it's like as a woman you want to be cuddled etc. If you don't think you can be understanding enough for making that sacrifice, I guess in the future make sure you look for a man that is affectionate, as well as whatever else is really important for you in a relationship.

Answer 3

Sexual abuse is a terrible experience which is impossible to explain away. It can effect individuals for a lifetime while others seem to be able to recover some can not. It often causes them to be cold and unresonsive. Yes, Even one sexual abusive experience can effect a person for a lifetime. I would say, just my personal opinion, that a relative, someone you trusted would be worse than a stranger because you feel like you can't trust anyone any more once you are violated. Most sexual abusers are males. I think, a male would be worse because it could cause more trauma to the body to be penetrated with a penis.; so I feel a male abuser would be more traumatic, but any sexual abuse is bad. Emotional abuse and physical abuse are two very different aspects. The sexual abuse is emotional abuse, but it is also a violation of the body--physical as well so it is double duty abuse!!! I suggest you read a book called "Touching" by Ashley Montague. This book explains how different societies respond to touching. For example, in England where there is very little hugging and touching there are more homosexuals. Your husband could have learned behaviors from his childhood. If he was raised by parents who seldom touched their children or each other this could be an understanable reason for his lack of touching. He might not know how to be affectionate or how to respond in what we would consider a "normal" fashion. There are many reason for his behavior. He could have latent homosexual feelings or just think sex is nasty. Study and learn. Read that book, okay?

Answer 4

Yes, abuse carries over into adulthood. People, who were abused, have serious problems with closeness, trust, self esteem, many emotional issues, and a lack of self worth.
It could be that because of your husband's abuse, he doesn't want to open very emotional and painful memories.
Usually, unless a person's willing to deal with the abuse, they will continue to avoid any mention of the subject and try to run away, emotionally, from any situation that could trigger the memories.
Being sexually maladjusted is a sure sign of former abuse.
The man needs help and doesn't want to deal with what has happened to him and unless he receives help, he will never face his problems.

Answer 5

I think it would depend on how the abuse was perpetrated, how old the victim was at the time, and the reaction of the victim to the incident(s).

I knew someone who was afraid of showers. (He asked me once what he could do to keep his wife from leaving him. It is difficult to tell someone that his wife has complained to you that he smells bad. After some hemming and hawing, I told him that she had complained about this specific concern. He responded with a verbal attack on my particular levels of cleanliness. I told him to get himself dry-cleaned if he were afraid of showers.) I suspect that this could have arisen from his having been abused in the shower (there would have been means, motive and opportunity). This same person also was quite homophobic.

If your ex-husband seemed to be afraid of showers to the point that someone with allergies and defective sinuses could tell that he smelled bad, if he had pronounced homophobia and/or an unnaturally close or distant attachment to his mother and/or father, those could be signs of abuse. (I think.)

Answer 6

get on wf your life, forget him since already ex.