I'm worried about my son, serious answers only please?

Question

I'm divorced and my son (he's nearly 4), he comes home from school asking questions about his dad. Like why doesn't daddy live with us? are we going on holiday together.. can we do this that and the other with daddy?.. My ex has told me my boy says the same to him about me.

It breaks my heart knowing how hurt my little boy is, and I know there is nothing I can do, I try and make him happy and spend all the time I can with him. I'm sure the kids in school probably say things like my mom and dad take me out etc..

It must be a real burden on the little one, and he's a little tough guy, but all I feel is guilt and pain. I want him to be happy, What else can I do?

Answer 1

I know how hard this is (I'm a single parent too) but try not to worry too much.

He's very little, so you have to keep your explanations simple. Make sure he knows that Mummy and Daddy still love each other very much and that the three of you are still a family. But, from now on, the family won't be together quite as much as before.

If you possibly can, try to put your differences with your ex aside and have a day out for all three of you. I know that this can be extremely tricky, especially if there are new partners, but I think it's important to try.

And regarding school - he will not be the only child of divorced parents by a long shot. So he won't stand out as odd in anyway, in the way he might have done 20 or 30 years ago.

You'll probably be glad to hear that I went through a similar situation with my little boy at about the same age and he's now a very happy and well adjusted 10 year old.

Children do adapt to things very quickly. So long as he feels loved to pieces by you both, he'll be absolutely fine.

Answer 2

I really feel for you as l am sure being a mum myself that it would rip your heart out every time your son asks you those questions. You just need to be open and honest about the situation with him. He may only be 4 but you said yourself he is a tough little guy and he will understand eventually. You have no need to feel guilt or pain as you obviously did what you felt was the best for your son and yourself and that alone makes you a good mum. If you and your ex have a good relationship and both only want what is best for your son, perhaps you could get together and discuss what would be the best way to show him that your divorce had nothing to do with your love for him, that is an unconditional love that will always be there for him but that you two just don't have that same love for each other anymore. Trust me time is a great healer and with plenty of love he will get through this difficult time. As long as you and your ex have a mutual respect for each other everything else will eventually just fall into place. Ofcourse you want your son to be happy, every mother wants happiness for their children and being the good mum that you seem to be, l am sure that your son will grow up to be a very happy, well adjusted young man. Stop worrying, start being a happy mum and your son will be happy with you. Love and best wishes to you and your son. x

Answer 3

The saying it takes a village to raise a child is so true. Hmmm.. now is the time to bring in your creative muscles. You will have to tell him the truth but in a way that is not harmful to him and that he can understand. The best way is through a story. For example, you can say daddy might be here for the holidays but it depends on if he's finished working with Santa. True he might believe that your ex works for Santa, but when he is older you can tell him the truth to that story. He is too young now to shoulder that burden. Another thing you can do is keep him around positive men that you know who live around you. Your brother, best male friend, cousin, nephew, uncle, father and grandfather are examples. These men can influence your child in a positive way so that he does not focus too much on the issue of you and your ex not being together. Your ex however, must do the same on his part. He must surround your son with positive women who can be a light for him as he is growing. If both of you can do this successfully then you will see the village aspect of raising a child come to life. As you continue to do this the guilt you feel will be less. Second, he will get older and I'm sure you will find someone else in your life who values children and would be a good candidate to help raise your son.

Answer 4

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. They are so hard on every body including yourself. However You have already completed your first step towards improving the situation: recognizing the feelings of your son. GOOD JOB!!

When your son asks difficult questions about his daddy, answer his questions simplistically, and only answer what he is asking. For example, when he asks "why doesn't daddy go out to dinner with us?" instead of lying, answer truthfully; Daddy does not live with me anymore. That is all you probably need to say. Make sure he feels like you are telling him the answers to his question. Once you continually answer his questions he will learn. He is too young to understand the situation and your feelings will transform and be come his feelings too.

Also instead of feeling sorry for your son take him out on a walk down your street and spend quality time with him. This will take away some of your understandable guilt and make him happy. You know the one thing that children LOVE is attention and love. Read him a book and although you may feel sorry for him, he doesn't know anything different. Or maybe sit on the ground with him and play peekaboo or Simon says. Children love this. Try singing songs with him. When he Knows you love him just the same as you did before he will be more comfortable with living one on one.
I hope this helped you. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

he's no longer functional on the concerta, it desires to get replaced. whilst existence is being interfered by themes its time to medicate. i do no longer take drugs gently, any much less invasive technique could be exhausted first. If he have been my son, i'd do the counseling, and get the concerta replaced. i'd save him on meds. a large variety of the suicidal ideation it particularly is extra effective from meds is meds that are in yet another classification, the SSRI's (prozac) for infants like this, what i'd propose as first drug of decision would be vyvanese. consistent with hazard with xanex too 0.25mg as mandatory. My 8 year old son isn't yet medicated. The stimulants are what med is first reached for, and that i do no longer think of they could be solid for my son. He does have stress, yet is likewise labile, and poor interest. additionally has an IEP. He has had xanex until eventually now the dentist yet thats it. He has a PDD.NOS dx, and upload.NOS dx, yet i think area of the priority is he's an undx bipolar which a stimulant would make him manic-y. My son has 2 acquaintances a boy age 7 and a woman age 9, the two have been valuable on vyvanese whilst ritalin, adderral, focalin, concerta, risperdal all have not. They the two have stress, gaining understanding of issues, a PDD.NOS dx, and upload dx.

Answer 6

I too have a little one who is 3 but the father has nothing at all to do with him. he will occassionally ask about his dad which can get difficult to talk about. Sweetie, you love that boy of yours and teach him the right way in life and he will be just fine. NEVER bad talk about your ex no matter what! Don't even think it. It will come back to haunt you. It's unfortunate for kids when the paerents don't make it but sometimes it's better. Try to go to a group or class that helps with this. OH! Look up children's rights (google it) that will help with how to handle some of it if you have issues with your ex ever. Kids need to feel safe and loved more than anything. If they feel that from both sides your kiddo will be just fine. Don't get into adult conversation though. Keep it simple and don't expect him to always be ok with it. he may show signs of anger or frustration at some point .... you will need to learn how to work with him then. You are his Mommy, you have instincts about how to deal with this I am sure.... follow them and trust yourself. Good luck to you. I wish you well .. you and you son. Perhaps you can all have time together if you get along well with your ex... time at the park perhaps???

Answer 7

It must be torment for you hun. I have a 7 year old boy who asks the same things but luckily he is at an age where he can understand when you explain it to him. Plus he has 2 eyes and a good brain and he can see when 2 people are better off not being together anymore. Unfortunately you cannot make your boy understand the why yet but you can continue to do what you are doing and give him the reasurance that you both love him and that you are both doing your very best to make sure he is your number 1. As he gets older he will start to see himself that you are better the way you are now. Maybe if you and your ex are on good terms you could still do some things together, but not so many that it gives him false hope. just enough for him to see that things are ok between you and you both care for him equaly. It will get easier with age believe me. My lad is completely resigned to the notion that his mother and I will have separate lives but that it will not affect how we feel together about him. He is happy I belive. Not extatic, he couldn't be, but happy enough. So too will your boy
Good luck

Answer 8

Hi, I'm really sorry for you. I am a mum and i can understand how upsetting it can be with things like this.
When i was 5 my parents divorced and i was heartbroken, i was too young to understand exactly why they had separated and i used to imagine my dad sat on his own and being lonely and everything used to upset me. The only thing i can really tell you what i suppose everyone on here will tell you, is that just carry on what you are doing. Be there for him, let him know that you and his daddy still love him and let him have time to get used to the idea. It can be hard for a child to come to terms with, some quicker than others, but that's all really you can do.
My mum told me when my eldest son asked me why his dad lives alone, was to tell him that we just didn't like to live together, we both loved him and he was the most important thing in the world to me and his dad, and eventually he just got used to the idea and now he doesn't really ask anymore. He just accepts it for how it is.
Give him lots of cuddles and lots of kisses etc and let him know more than ever that you love him.
Sorry i cant give you any more advice, but i do hope everything works out well for you both.

Answer 9

this is so sad, and I feel bad for all of you. no one wants to see their child sad or feeling different because mommy and daddy don't live together. but what you and your ex need to do is quit feeling guilty first of all, and just give your son all the love and affection and time that you possibly can. and make sure you tell him that even though mommy and daddy don't live in the same house, you both love him just as much as the boys and girls parents who do live in the same house. I can tell by what you've written, you put your son above yourself and are a very loving parent. just remember, not all little ones are as fortunate as yours. he has a mommy and daddy who love him and want whats best for him. now you have to stop beating yourself up!
children are very perceptive, and when he sees you feeling good, and not feeling guilty all the time, he'll start feeling better too. and get your ex to do the same thing. your son is going to be just fine because he has a wonderful mother like you!

Answer 10

I'm very sure that you are doing your very best to reassure the little 1 that everything will be fine it is a transition for him as well as for you and your ex husband children i think at that agechildren really don't understand the concept of marriage and why mom and dad aren't together anymore the only suggestion i can offer you is to be ready for the correct answers when the time arises to answer them another thing is to try and have both you and your ex spend as much time with him as allowed sometimes children have a way of working out matters that parents can't resolve ....good luck and God Bless