Disillusioned with marriage, what's the point?

Question

I'll be divorced in just over two months. Except for domestic violence, we had most of the usual variables of an unhappy marriage. I look around sometimes and notice all these other unhappy couples. A year ago i was that disgruntled husband. I often see marriage as a tyrrany. She likes to run the household, and I am the kind of person that will resist attempts to force my hand. I tried working it out for my son's sake. Looking at the legal and financial difficulties of divorce, I wonder why people get married at all? Even if we both change and become better people for the next marriage, there's bound to be something that will drive a wedge. The seeds of discontent take many forms. Why do people feel that it's so necessary to be legally tied together? Can a couple be just as committed and not be married?

Answer 1

I will divorce soon, I agree with the fact that when a relationship gets tied legally, it loses its enchantment, there is no romance it becomes a contract, then it gets boring, decadent and finally it vanishes, sad but true. I will never get married again EVER.

Answer 2

No a couple cannot be "just as committed", and you weren't even that committed to your first marriage.

I've been married 25 years, i'm still in love with my husband, and I try to do things every day to make him know how much I appreciate him, how wonderful I think he is, how grateful I am that he still loves me. I work on myself to make sure I look good for him, and I make sure he gets a lot of lovin', kissin' and that he knows I still think he's H-O-T.

The main thing in a relationship is to be Honest about your resentments and hurt feelings so that you don't have to deal with them after they become huge problems. Putting off uncomfortable resentments is another way of saying "CONFLICT AVOIDANCE".

Another thing you should keep in mind is that if you are practicing good communication habits and respect, your conflicts can be resolved very quickly, long before they escalate into the insanity of violence.

The key to that is to show respect for each others' ideas and opinions.

Everyone has the right to their own "stupid" opinions, you can't force anyone to think the way that you do, so you make room for both partners to feel heard, and understood.

The most important thing is to learn to negotiate win/win outcomes for both of you. If you decide together that you will always find a mutually satisfying resolution for every problem you won't run your marriage into the ditch. In marriage there is no such thing as "my way or the highway". It's always Our Way.

We are living proof it can be done.

Answer 3

Yes a couple can be happily unmarried but the trust that is needed for that type of relationship is even more present than a legally binding union. Are you going to work harder to stay together because you don't want to go through another divorce? Are you more apt to feel that you can just walk away after a half-hearted "try" at making things work? The keys to a successful relationship are communication and respect. Those things are present with or without the paper.

Answer 4

I am also from an abusive marriage...divorced for 2 years. I am happier now than I ever was prior to marriage. I used to think that I had to have a man in my life but now I have learned to stand on my own. I would like to maybe find someone but I'm not so sure that I can ever be married again either. You just have to find someone out there who shares your views.

My best friends dad lived with his 2nd wife 12 years before they got married. Whatever is meant to happen will happen in due time.

Answer 5

We cant always plan our future. We marry because we are madly in love and believe this is the one and there wont be anyone else. Then you get married and things change and couples drift apart. You ask why cant a couple just be committed and not be married I think that once your truly in love with someone when you marry it means they wont be with someone else they will be yours to love and share life with as when your dating you arent committed by law so you are entitled to date other people.I dont know just a guess this probably doesnt even make any since but I thought I would give it A try.

Answer 6

No,

Marriage is to fight things out when you have disagreements and arguements. Its upto u to ignore it/ work it out. Not everyone is perfect! So marriage is only for those people who know how to work things out and be "Keepers"

If you are not that type of a person, who goes but your own whims and fancies, is emotionally unstable, put your needs ahead of everything and does not know how to keep a Women or a man despite all differences no matter how hard it gets than u dont deserve to get married.

Remember
"Til death do us part"

Thats what is more important than anything else.

Answer 7

yup that's true. pple stay on marriages just for the sake of their kids. i am divorced too & have a kid. i do not intend to remarry. but i do have a live in partner who is getting divorce soon. we have both come to an understanding that we have our own life. but we are kind of committed cos of my young kid. but as far as i know, women tend to feel insecure if they do not have a legalised paper to state that the man is her's. and men would normally be happy to remain single as he will not have any problems flirting around, but not so if the women is much prettier & younger, then the man will also feel insecure. it depends on the person you're with. love is complicated. its life. take it easy man.

Answer 8

Yes they can as long as they agree to it....I am divorced too and do not want to marry again...hoping to find someone that feels the same_