i am still in love w/him and have been living my life on hold praying that one day he will return to me but it has been 11 months now and he hasnt came back to me he tells me he loves me and wants to come home . what do i do because he never follows up on what he says
2006-11-26 11:58:45 · 10 answers · asked by brokenhearted 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he tells you that he loves you and wants to come home then why hasnt he? Ever think he is holding on to you know that your waiting for him??? _
2006-11-26 12:04:22 · answer #1 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got divorced 6 years ago from someone I was married to for 4 years and was with for 6 years before that.
It was not easy, and it takes a while to accept what is happening and then to mourn over it and then to start to heal and move on fully.
25 years is longer than 10 years, so I can only imagine how hard that is. I am sorry to hear that.
If you have not gone to any counseling yet, that could help you to get a sense of the situation and what you want and to realize what is the best thing for you.
It might seem like you would want him back, but this could have happened for a reason so that you will have an entirely new chapter of your life open to you.
My thoughts are with you.
Plus, if he never follows up on what he says, you may be better off moving on from him anyway.
2006-11-26 12:11:24 · answer #2 · answered by KAR36 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. I was married for 15 years and have 2 daughters. However, after a year of his lies and me sitting home doing nothing waiting for him to come home he was out on the town having a blast. Finally one day I decided to make some changes. (I had started getting depressed) I had my hair cut started going out with a few girl friends (not clubs just dinner or movie) and finally started to find interests for my self. Honestly I did not think that I would ever recover. After a while I took my daughters on vacations and would go on dates. After 5 years I have found some one and remarried 2 weeks ago. Please do not put your life on hold. It will hurt and yes it will take along time for the pain to go away but you can not stop living. Good luck and the more you talk about it the better you will feel.
2006-11-26 12:29:53 · answer #3 · answered by grace 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHY?
You can't make anyone feel anything for you any more than you can determine your own genetic makeup.
What you do is get back at him by not wasting any more of your time/energy/life on him. You get back at him by not letting him destroy you. You get back at him by improving your life without him in it.
First, you must be completely honest with yourself. You need to forgive him for his shortcomings. You need to forgive yourself for letting yourself be so affected by him.
You need to thank him for teaching you more about yourself, and for teaching you what to avoid in the future.
It would help if you made the decision to not be such a needy and desperate professional victim. You should choose to overcome this.
WHen what he says does not match what he does, then he is not sincere. He says he wants to come home, yet he has not. he does not mean it.
WHY ARE YOU WAITING FOR HIM TO DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?
He just does not want to give you a divorce, alimony, and half of the assets. But that is what you deserve.
You have seen his true colors, and that bell cannot be un-rung. it would be the same as if he said he were gay, or he liked kiddie porn. There are not enough excuses in the world that would justify what he has done to you.
So what if he did come back, once he gets tired of playing around? Would you really want him back, knowing he has made it all right with himself to treat you like this?
Women are biologically pre-programmed to fear abandonment. Before modern civilization, that meant a death sentance. Today, women thrive without depending on men.
You're still alive and well, right?
Would you really want to be married to someone who was with you out of some moral obligation, though he didn't really want to be with you? How do you suppose that would feel?
Move on and improve your life without him. Take up a new hobby, master a current skill or talent. Put yourself in situations where you will meet people, or see them regularly.
There are support groups, church groups, book clubs, cooking classes, dance classes, volunteer work, community programs, etc. You could also sign up for all kinds of classes at a large fitness club.
take your power back and use it, honey! You deserve it!
2006-11-26 12:31:57 · answer #4 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry this has happened, but if he doenst feel the same way for you, you shouldnt feel that way for him. if you live in the past, and hope for the future, you cant live in the Now, the present, and nor can you enjoy yor life. Move on with your life, dont expect him to come home, and if he does, great, you will be getting along with your life WITHOUT him. Dont let this psychologically destroy you.
Good luck.
2006-11-26 12:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by Tulip 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, we really feel bad for you. My wife & I have struggled for 38 years--with all kinds of difficulties & it hurts when we hear of such things. This indecisiveness is a form of abuse on his part. I do not know if you are religious or not but there is an interesting text in the Bible that helps people to see how God views indescisevness James half-brother of Jesus wrote:
*** Rbi8 James 1:5-8 ***
So, if any one of YOU is lacking in wisdom, let him keep on asking God, for he gives generously to all and without reproaching; and it will be given him. 6 But let him keep on asking in faith, not doubting at all, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven by the wind and blown about. 7 In fact, let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from Jehovah; 8 he is an indecisive man, unsteady in all his ways."
Even in a non religious reference, when someone is decisive in anything,he is brave and has an inner strength especially if his decision is especially based on principle(good reason)
So if you see non-commitment don't ignore the warning sign.
THA & WIFE
2006-11-26 12:25:26 · answer #6 · answered by THA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth go on with your own life...Just you first you and no him on you mind because you will go so many years waiting something that is gone to never comeback...Love come and goes is on style now this days so don't worry about that feeling that you say you have...Maybe you ar just used to be with that person and you cal that love...Think about yourself that you need to go on for good and better...
2006-11-26 12:42:05 · answer #7 · answered by nena_en_austin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on with your life he has lied to you and will continue to lie he is lying when he says he want s to come home why would he want to come home when he knows you will probably never trust him again and rightfully so . forget him ,get a lawyer and tell him you are getting a divorce because you are tired of him acting the dog. good luck and god bless and happy holidays.
2006-11-26 12:09:40 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop waiting for him! You deserve more than that. Think of this as an opportunity to do whatever you want in your life! It could be the beginning of the best part of your life!
2006-11-26 12:02:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So sad. I'm very sorry. My father did that to my mother many years ago. Several times...she waited and waited and while she waited--he played and played around--if you know what i mean. She stayed very busy and eventually moved on. She is now very happily married for many years.
You know--my dad a girlfriend that he's been with for many years---he is still playing around and around on her too!!
Get my drift?
2006-11-26 12:08:11 · answer #10 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋