should i just forget about my dad?

Question

i use to see my dad every other weekend and then he got married and he started smoking in the house. i have asthma and i casnt be around smoke. me and my mom took my dad to court and they said that they have to not smoke in the house and if they choose to smoke in the house then my dad cant see me any more. my dad made up his mind and he decided that hed rather his wife smoke than see me. my heart was broke and i cried for weeks. it has been over 4 months since i seen him and i still cry almost every night. and every time i call my dad i end up crying, because his wife gets on the phone and says that its all my fault that i dont see him any more. she says that if i realy wanted to see my dad i would just deal with the smoke. every one i know says to just forget about him since he doesnt do anything but break my heart but i just cant. i tried to never think about him but its impossible. there is something in my heart that just wont let me let go of him. should i just forget about him???

Answer 1

Yes...he made his choice....and I'm a smoker!!

Answer 2

No you can never really forget, he is your dad after all and good or bad he will always be your dad. I think that he is only taking his wife's side because she is new and obviously he is trying to do everything to please her at the moment. One day he will wake up to himself and realize what is really important to him and l'm sure he will realize his mistakes. His wife has no right to put a guilt trip on you, she is older and should know better. You know it is not your fault and she does too but she needs someone to blame her insecurities on and unfortunately for you , you are her scape goat !! I am a smoker myself but when my grandchildren are around l smoke outside, it is my choice as l now know how harmful it is to them. I wish l knew before l started as it is a very hard habit to break. I would suggest to your dad that you could meet him somewhere that smoking is not allowed and then it would not be a problem. Personally though l feel that there is more to the story than that and l wouldn't be at all suprised if his new wife has a problem with him seeing you. She may feel threatened by you for some reason. If she is a jealous person she would not want to share his love and attention with anyone. Trust me in the end it will be her loss though as l am sure he will come to his senses eventually and you being his daughter will gain back his love and attention. I know it's easier said than done but try not to get yourself too upset, if he was a good dad his fatherly instincts will come back and he will right all the things he has done wrong by you. Just keep up your communication with him, adults make wrong choices too sometimes and l am sure this is just another to add to his list. Be strong, keep smiling and the best of luck to you.

Answer 3

That's definetly a difficult position to be in and I'm sorry to hear it. I'm especially sorry to hear that the new wife is blaming you for anything. Everyone has a part and a choice. I think it's sad that they can't see what they are doing. Perhaps it's because of all the "smoke" in their eyes. lol Just kidding.

I don't think you should forget him because he is your Dad. I think the best thing you can do is stop expecting him to be something he's not and really work on understanding that his choice had NOTHING to do with you. Sometimes adults do things like that because they can't handle the fact that their first marriage didn't work. Perhaps talking to you reminds him of that.

If your a religous or spiritual person, perhaps praying for him and turning him over to a higher source will ease your pain. I have to do that every day with both of my parents. It's been over 8 years since I've spoken to them. They're sick and there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is take care of myself and be available for the people who are and want to be in my life. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to do this, but it sure beats feeling terrible all the time.

Hope that helped. Good luck.

Answer 4

No. You can never completely forget. But, what you need to do is figure out if you can forgive him. You need to forgive him. After that, it's your choice whether you see him again. You could see him in a public place, or a place where you won't have to deal with the smoke. This is not what I personally would do, but you can. I would find a close guy friend (or another father figure, like a pastor etc.) to lean on for support. And I would try to move on. No amount of crying will make him love you. Ever. It might make him feel sorry for you, but not make him love you. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's the truth about it. Stick with your mom (and other family) and pray. Good luck!

Answer 5

He's your father and of course you want to see him. Smoking is an addiction and, for some people, a habit that they can't break. Have you asked your Mom if you could meet him at a public place, like a zoo or amusement park. Ask your Dad if you can e-mail him and call on a regular basis, that will help some. I hope it all works out. But your Mom is right, smoking is no good for your asthma. My hubby and son both have asthma pretty bad and I allow no one to smoke in my house under any circumstances.

Answer 6

Oh sweetheart... I'm so sorry that your dad has hurt you so terribly. Just know you're not alone and none of this is your fault. We don't all get the greatest parents in the world and for the most part all we can do is strive to be the best we can be all on our own. It's not easy, but I bet you're strong enough to carry on. Your father is just being selfish and immature... but you don't have to be that way. You can rise above this temper tantrum he's having. There's no point trying to forget him, because you love him (because you're a good kid!). So, instead, develop a different type of father/daughter relationship. Rise above his nonsense and send him cards, send him emails, send him letters. Heck you could even set up a webcam and visit him that way! He may or may not respond... but that's ok. What's important is that YOU stayed in touch and you were the adult. It's really his loss... missing out on all the great things about you.
Think about what a great parent you'll be someday just by practicing parenthood on your father. Hugs to you... dry your tears now. It's all going to be ok.

Answer 7

Aww I am sorry, smile or your face might crack !!! I am sorry your dad doesn't seam to care about you *coughs **what a jerk* You should try to forget him because his spoiled rotten wife has taken over *glares at her* I know it must be hard trying to forget about someone you love but try to move on. I was in the same situtation well sort of. I had a crush on this guy I mean I loved him tons and all he'd do is beat the crap out of me and take my money. I couldnt move on but eventually I uhh well ,Okay I havent gotten over him...yet but you should call your dad and get a hold of him and just Yell hes soo cold hearted from what it sounds like !!! And his wifes mean its not your freakin fault its hers....Its her fault for being cold hearted enough to smoke in the house when she knows you can't have it. She needs to think about you alittle bit I mean that is your father I mean your blood related shes not blood related to your father so she isn't as important. Grr Makes me mad I wish I could go talk to your dad and his wife.. but I Can't :( I am sorry.

Answer 8

His new wife feels guilty and knows that it is her that is keeping him from seeing you, and you from seeing him...but because she has been given permission to smoke in the house, she blames it on you to make herself feel better about the situation. Obviously, they should respect you and not smoke in the house if you're going to be over there...but unfortunately because are selfish. Being adults, they should know better, and your dad should be standing up for you and your best interests rather than a woman that has just recently came into his life, you've been there longer! Let him know how you feel... :)

Answer 9

Some people never grow up.Thats to bad.You should have a relationship with your father, but maybe at the movies or the mall.
As for the evil wicked step-mom, toss her a bone.Tell her you have a medical condition that does not reflect on her ingorance. That you love your father more then she does.That your father loves you too, but laxes the will power to show show it.Ask your father not to quit smoking, but to find some time before it is to late.To share with you time to grow up knowing him in a safe inviroment, like the mall or movies or even a park.
Good luck!

Answer 10

Girl do not worry about it...no matter what his stupid wife says it is not your fault....she is just saying that to make you feel worse and do not let her win. Its either your life or their smoke. Your life is more important then anything. If they are not willing to change for whatever your visitation time is then he is not worth your time....in the long run he will loose out on a great daughter. But your mom will win because I am sure she knows your a great daughter...so the love you would show your dad....give it to you mom because it sounds like she did a great job raising you_

Answer 11

Don't forget about your dad, he is the only one you will ever have, good or bad. You should ask your dad to meet you at the park or take you to the movies or just out for lunch, just the two of you. That way you can still spend time with him, just not overnight at his house. As far as his new wife, she sounds very childish to me. Your dad should not let her talk to you that way and he should stand up for you. BUT its not your fault, don't ever think that, ok? If your dad really wanted to see and be with you, then he will agree to meet you and take you out somewhere just the two of you. Good Luck sweetie!!