7 year marriage coming to a end?

Question

WE both commit adultery,We talk about why it happen.I told her i'm willing to forgive. I told her i had a 1 month affair, she told me she had 10 month affair.She tell me she love this guy. She pack her stuff and not the kids stuff and move with her mother. I told her are you choosing this guy over our kids. She still see the kids everyday but the kids stay with me. She pays me child support
She takes the kids with her to see him. She tell the kids they're friends but don't tell your father.
The kids go to school where i live.What are her chances of getting the child support reverse. What esle can i get from her and what Can I ask for out this marriage. I try my best to reason with her and her parents before this got outta hand. I believe she took my kindness for a
weakness.Now I'm piss off

Answer 1

In this day and age we have no fault divorce, so the issue of who committed adultery and for how long and how many times is moot. Your ex has already set a precedent by leaving without the kids and by paying child support to you. The odds that a court would grant her custody and reverse this position are very small. The courts always order child support paid to the primary care giver, in this case you. I hope that you already have a final agreement in place stipulating you as the custodial parent and that you are to receive regular child support. This situation is much harder on kids than on the 2 parties involved. Do not resort to using them as pawns. Depending on the age of your kids, they should be smart enough to figure out the truth and the facts for themselves. If you have been the sole income before the separation you may get nailed for some spousal support. By the sounds of it she earns a nice income by herself and thus spousal support payments from you are highly unlikely. Have her sign over the house to you and sign an agreement that, should the house be sold, all cash left over after mortgage paid off is yours. If you haven't already retained or consulted with an attorney then do so without delay. The initial consultation is usually free. Once you have been separated for a year, a divorce can be finalized and granted by the courts on the grounds of irreconcilable differences and/or desertion.

Answer 2

If you are getting a divorce, the lawyers will help you hammer out all the details concerning who gets what and vice versa. If you do not object to having custody of the children, then Domestic Relations will probably get involved in setting the amount of the child support payments. And if she doesn't pay up, then she will be faced with jail time like any deadbeat father who doesn't pay child support.

As for your wife taking your children along to visit with her friend, then that's how it is and you shouldn't let that bother you.They'll probably meet him sooner or later. Kids aren't stupid. They know more than we adults give them credit. You both went outside your marriage and took up with other people, so the breakup of your marriage is on both of you--and so why should you get pissed off over what she is doing?

If the marriage can't be saved and if she favors the other guy, then that's what it is. I don't think that she mistook your kindness for a weakness. I think she feels you are understanding since you too played a part in the break up.

I understand that this is a painful time for you and your children, but try to think with a clear head and not an injured and hateful heart. It'll get you nowhere fast. You two have produced children and however this plays out, you have to have some kind of civil relationship with her for the sake of your kids and for the sake of your own sanity. It is what it is and now you have to move on.
Good luck.

Answer 3

The whole thing sounds like a sorry mess. Both you and your wife now need to do whats best for the kids. Playing the children in the middle would do more harm to the kids. The children need to be with who would be best for them. Who ever keeps the children should keep the house and most everything. They will need it for the children's best interest. Sounds to me you and your wife were wrong to each other. The problems started long time ago, and that's when they should of been looked into. No use trying to hurt each other now, for the children's sake, you can't change the past. If your wife is now in love with someone new, you can't fight a brick wall. Love your kids, and pray for happiness. Affairs don't usually work out, that's why they are called affairs. But it also doesn't mean you two have any love life left together either. Sorry.

Answer 4

Divorce her. Sue for full custody with supervised visitation so that she can't take the kids to hang out with the sleazy boyfriend. Make sure you sue for the maximum allimony and child support that the state will allow. Also sue for the house and any other assets that you can get your hands on. All of this may be difficult to get because you also committed adultery, which you shouldn't have admitted to once you found out she was cheating too. But she relinquished custody of the kids into your care, so you make sure that you keep them. And since you have the kids, you can sue for both child support and alimony.

Answer 5

Well first off if GOD,prayer,togetherness,communication and compromise was not in the mar rage to begin with, then the devil has a foot hold on your union.. i see that she seems to have moved on so believe you two should go your separate ways, but remain friends for the children..as far as ch ild support they will probably go by where the children are the most.
The next time I believe you should trust and have faith that the Lord will send you the right mate,right now spend this time getting to know yourself and examine your faults and what needs to be changed within you, because no one can do it but GOD and your trust in him.

Answer 6

if she loves him there is little u can do unfortunatly. just let her go, she has to make her own decisions and choices even if it hurts u. u are mad because u opened up to her bared your heart, and expected the same from her. u did the right thing, but we have no control over others, or what choices they make in life. don't ask her to go back anymore and file for divorce, and ask for custody, u can say she abandoned the kids for the man, u just have to move on, know that just because we asked someone for forgiveness, it doesn't mean they want to forgive us, or make the marriage work. she is for now just too much into the other man and can't see what is real. have to trust that god know's what u don't and maybe this is best. u can't reason with her, and her parents are always going to take her side of things, just try to distance yourself from her as much as u can.

Answer 7

Well, you were both willing to risk the marriage, it just turned out that you wanted to piece it back together. Your wife on the other hand doesn't really care if she ruins her kid's life, just as long as she gets to be with this guy. I think you should divorce her if someone hasn't filed it already, and fight for your kids. She'll want them of course, but maybe she'll decide that being free with her boyfriend is better. Don't try to get back together with her, either. She doesn't deserve a second chance, obviously.

Answer 8

See a lawyer IMMEDIATELY! Try to work the divorce out as nice as you can for the kids. Yes, your marriage is coming to an end. An affair is just part of the denial. Looks like your denial is coming around and your awareness is catching up. Good luck to you and your kids.

Answer 9

for the sake of your kids, don't be too pissed off but do protect your fatherhood with them. did you cheat on her because you felt she was doing it to you? i bet you did on some level. just make sure you ask for everything you can get, and then take what's really fair. she might try to get the kids later, because that will somehow translate unconsciously to mean that it's your fault, not hers, but remember whose the better parent--you. never give up as a dad and hold your children close but do not ever put her down to your kids because they are also half of her too.

Answer 10

Dude, my life rings very close, except for the cheating, that rings the loudest in your message....

Let it go, move on but never, never ever, lose contact with your children.

You were not really meant to be together, hence ALL the cheating, but, you have kids to think of.