That is a whole other story.
I am hosting Christmas at my home. I extended an invitation to my brothers "friend" to join us at Christmas. My fiancee said that if my brother brought his lover, he nor his son would come to my home to celebrate Christmas with us. He said he is careful what he exposes his son to and I certainly understand his point of view with regard to his son.
On top of that I have asked my brother to give me away at my wedding in April. My father is deceased and I have no other male relative I am close to. His lover is behaving like he is coming to my wedding even though I have not formally invited him. I do not have a problem with who he is with, but I have other people to consider and not sure what I should do. I live in the bible belt - need I say more? I want my brothers friend to feel part of the family, but I also do not want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable. I also do not want drama at Christmas or my wedding.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
2006-11-26 10:25:35 · 13 answers · asked by femmenoire@sbcglobal.net 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I can certainly understand and emphasize with your situation. He is your brother. You want him to give you away. Your finance should try to understand. His son probably has already been exposed to noticing that someone at school is gay. The child should not be left alone or baby-sitted by them. I am a born-again Christian and we are not to judge the world. Are you afraid that your brother's friend will act inappropriately at the wedding? If anyone says anything at the wedding, just say that you are glad they noticed so that they can add the two men to their prayer list. If it turns into an ugly situation, which I don't think will happen, just tell them not to judge lest they be judged. God Bless you and keep you! Pray for your brother and his friend!
2006-11-26 10:38:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Welp, you're in a pickle, aren't you? I live in the Bible belt too, so I can understand a bit about what's going on here. A couple of things to keep in mind: Your brother is your brother. He's always going to be your brother, no matter whether or not he happens to be straight or gay. If his sexuality is a problem for your fiance, then explain to your fiance that your family is very important to you and that when you all are married, his son will most likely be exposed to your brother in one way or another. Remind him as well that homosexuality is neither a virus nor a demon (his son can't catch it). If he is still adamant about not coming to Christmas if your brother is there, then ask him if you two can make arrangements to celebrate Christmas at another time. In other words, you celebrate the holiday with your brother and his boyfriend and then celebrate it with your fiance. It seems as though your family is important to you. If your brother's boyfriend has moved in, then your brother probably likes the guy a great deal. Try to make him feel welcome and consider talking with your brother privately about how to address the wedding situation. I personally have never been to a wedding where I was not expected to bring a date. Good luck!
2016-05-23 06:07:46 · answer #2 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would politely tell my fiance that he is not the boss, and if he chooses not to spend Christmas with you because he is so small minded and discriminatory, then he would only make the celbration a nightmare. How Un Christian of him. Your fiance is really showing his colours and I would be finding out just how shallow this guy is before marrying him. Why do you have to consider other people's feelings. If they are not big enough to accept your brother and his partner, then they are not good enough for you. That is my own personal opinion. This is why gay people feel inferior. The majority of people accept they have a right to live their life any way they see fit, and it seems your circle of "friends" care more about appearances than they do about your feelings. If your brother is pushed away because of his sexual orientation, you will lose him forever. His partner should not be excluded from sharing anything...they are partners in life regardless of the gender.
It shouldnt matter if your brother is gay or not....it's not a disease and your fiance's son will not catch anything. As a matter of fact a child should be exposed to life to be allowed to make choices. Sounds like you fiance is a very controlling, very opiniated person. What is he going to be like in a few years time. Unless you make your point now, he will never allow you to have a mind of your own. If he loves you enough, he will accept your family. It doesnt matter what sexual orientation they are, as a matter of fact it is no-one else's business. He is your brother and if you love him, you should treat him no different than anyone else. I think it is disgraceful that you have to choose between your family and your fiance and possibly friends. Allow them to choose for themselves if they want to be at your wedding. It is your wedding...they should be there to celebrate your vows, not discriminate against your brother. No-one has the right to make value judgements about anyone. Invite your brother and his partner to Christmas and to your Wedding, and if other people dont like it, well, at least it sorts your true friends out.
Good luck
2006-11-26 10:59:58 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You want to marry this control freak? Yea OK, get the a good divorce attorney now and hide the wedding presents. If your fiancee is giving you ultimatums now what do you think he is going to do when you get married?
Is he going to never let your brother and his partner visit you once you do get married?
If your brother were married to a women would you EXCLUDE her? Then why would exclude his partner?
As of your fiancee being "careful what he exposes his son to". Then I hope he keeps him at home all the time, because the gays and lesbians are everywhere. Get him a name of a psychologist too, because that kid is going to be totally #$#@ up.
2006-11-28 06:32:52 · answer #4 · answered by dillon Y 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance can't accept ALL of the people in your family, maybe you should reconsider getting married to him. Let your brother's boyfriend come to your christmas party and to your wedding. After all, your brother is the one giving you away. The other wedding guests shouldn't be allowed to have a say in who is invited to your wedding. If your fiance can't deal with it, then maybe you two shouldn't be getting married after all. Your brother is your blood kin.
2006-11-26 10:30:54 · answer #5 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wow!
sorry to say that .. but your fiancee is an ***..
here's how I see it..
family > lover
if your fiancee can't accept your family as it is .. then screw him..
Move up north like New york or something and find yourself a man that won't mind the fact that your brother is gay..
if he can't even accept that .. what will it be when you'll have to share your lfie with him?
2006-11-28 14:39:59 · answer #6 · answered by MapDark 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your Fiancee that you will not leave your brother out. He has to deal with it now.If he does not deal with it now ,you will have a problem down the road.Never turn your back on family. That's the closest thing one has.
2006-11-26 12:12:39 · answer #7 · answered by Sugar 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
i would call a family meeting w/o them knowing. include ur brother and fiance and let them know that u love them all. bible-belt or not. The BIBLE(GOD) ask u to love unconditionally. so don't leave him out because he is who he is. tell ur fiance that if he don'texpose his son to the world then eventually the world will. who he'd rather expose it, him or the world? it want harm him or anyone else if they have respect for others. if he still feels this way, u follow ur heart. he is still ur brother.
2006-11-26 10:35:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
As for other and in family they are all adults and should be able to handle it.U love your brother and he more likely he love u or he would not be there for u.And u said u like his lover and if the rest can't handle it that's there short coming.It's your wedding and if u can handle they should.
2006-11-26 10:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by gxsilver1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take a real long look at your relationship with your fiance'......I am sure that his son has been exposed to alot more than just gay people!!!.....I think it's wonderful that your are including your brother's "friend"....and making him feel part of the family...an as for the "bible belt" you are living in....onle "he" judges...it is NOT our place to judge anyone!!! if being gay is wrong,the god will take care of that...it is not up to any of us to do it....sounds to me like your fiance' is homophobic...as if gay is a disease you catch by breathing their air or something.....my husband was like that...but not anymore....we are comfortable enough with our sexuality that we just say "to each is own".....plus we both have gay people in our families and have many gay friends as well!!!.....GOOD LUCK
2006-11-26 10:46:37 · answer #10 · answered by NaeNae 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋