Less friends as you get older?

Question

Hello! I am 22 years old, and I used to have lots of friends in high school, and when I went to a state school (dorms & stuff)--I have moved back to my home town, and gotten married, and it seems that i have lost touch with a lot of people now. I just don't have the same close friendships that I used to have, and sometimes I get really bored and lonely. I'm not sure why this is--I have "work friends" and, I am in night classes at college now, but it is one of those schools that older students go to, so its not really the same...

Thanks so much, I feel way better about everything now. (I know--it's kind of pathetic to use Yahoo Answers for psychotherapy lol)

Answer 1

It's never the same as it was when you were in high school or college. that's just the way it is.

Answer 2

As you grow older, your mind matures, your opinions change, you see things differently. You're just seeing the first of it at 22, and you'll find it becomes more prominent as you age. Friendship in a very real way involves shared experience and situation. As we age, we diverge more and more from previous friends, and sometimes even our previously close ones. Other things begin occupying our time, and theirs as well. (a spouse, children, a mortgage, work, housework, washing, cooking, the list goes on) As we lose our common ground (often school) and background, our responsibility increases and our free time decreases, we become more opinionated (set in our ways as the saying goes) as time advances. What seemed perfectly OK in people, and was overlooked and accepted in high school and college, can become less palatable as you age, and in some cases down right irritating. Of all the friends I had when young, I managed to hang on to only two. I count myself lucky with that number. It's enough. Not to say I don't have a thousand acquaintances who I consider friends to one degree or another, but in terms of real friendship, people you share all with, two is enough for me. Try and rekindle an old friendship, but with a person you really were compatible with. If you have the time, do a little volunteer work. That's a great way to make good quality new friends. Don't expect too much. You've changed and so have your friends.

Answer 3

Hey Facetious,

All I can say is that I really do relate. So many friends I once had have gone in too many separate directions (both literally and figuratively) for me to keep track. I really do miss them and the constant fellowship.

That high school dynamic is unique. The further on you get in life, the harder it is to find and keep friendships - especially multiple friendships for one reason; time. You have much less of it now to make, build and maintain friendships than you did in high school, and your friends are in the same boat.

I'll tell you this, though, I'd rather have three or even one truly close friend(s) than a hundred acquaintences. Still, I miss them, just like you.

Invest what you can in those that mean the most to you.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

Yes that is an inevitable fact of life. I am now 33 yrs old and I have friends I see occasionally..but definatly not like I used to have. I think in high school you make friends and at the same time grown with them. When you leave high school and go to college it's not quite the same...new experiences aren't really as exciting or new as they were before you turned 18. Not to mention the unlining fear we all have of showing are true self to anyone new...why because we're scared they won't like us or they'll be turned off by our likes. Funny how that works in jr. high we have the same fear. And although college seems like the ideal place to make new friends, perhaps a workshop with a particular hobby would gear you more toward people of like interests. good luck.

Answer 5

I think this has happened to most people. In high school being popular etc. seems pretty important - you probably had heaps of friends but were only close to one or two (the ones you would tell important things to).
The thing is, as you get older, you get sick of healing with the BS - its just not worth having some people around just so you can 'have friends' - you want people around you now that have common interests and have depth to them. In high school you don't choose who is around you.
I went through the same thing when I left high school - I out grew my friends who were happy with mundane jobs as I went off to college and travelled the world - they are still in the same jobs and don't want anything more - but that's their life and their choice. It sounds to me like you've probably moved on from the high school mentality and are finding yourself as an independent adult.
Sure we all want people to go out and do things with, but do you really want to be stuck doing things you really don't like or go somewhere that really excites you (but bores the others / or they don't understand the value of?).
Just do the things YOU love to do, even if it has to be by yourself, eventually you'll meet people you can relate to in a meaningful way. Don't waste your time with second-rate people just because you're lonely - you're better than that!
Chatting on the internet is always good to connect to people, and the usual joing clubs / activities you like etc.
Don't worry - you'll have friends, maybe not as many but they will be top quality!

Answer 6

Everyone ends up having fewer friends as they get older. Friends move away, get married, have kids, and start careers. Somtimes it just gets to difficult to make plans all the time with poeple. I am 21 now and most of my friends have moved away from where I live all I really have is my boyfriend and my best friend here. What I like to do is make plans with friends to go to dinners every other weekend and things like that when we plan things we all have time to schedule it. I use to be really sad that I didn't have many friends anymore but now I'm not I have so much going on like paying bills, working, school, cleaning, and the best thing my boyfriend who lives with me that it really doesn't matter anymore. I still like to hear from my friends time to time to see if their all doing well. But this is my new life now:)

Answer 7

i know exactly what u are going through. i'm 22 and i didn't have a lot of friends in school but the ones i did have we were close. so when i got older we just grew a part. i just some people mature quicker or want to do something elese and we that happens you feel like a loner

Answer 8

Yes, I agree that as a person grows older they have less amount of friends. I think the reason in part might be that as we grow older we come to learn more of ourselves and our own value. As we come to know our own individual self more and our self value we won't be friends with just anyone. We seek out those who balance with what we are about, value and respect the friendship. Also, when younger our friends didn't have so many responsibilities to tie up their time. As adults, some are'nt quite as open with their freedom of time to go out and do things with others. Yet, as a person matures more...the discovery of how to manage your time and make time for the preciousness of friendships grows and increases. And...it's not the amount of friends...it's the quality of how many friends you do have...even if just a few or several.

Answer 9

That happens a lot from what I have witnessed with me and several of my family members and friends. As you grow up, go to different colleges, get married and they're single, have babies and they might not want kids, work in different places, move away out of state, city, etc....

I don't think it matters the quantity of your friendships but the QUALITY of the friend(s) you do have in your life.

Answer 10

Yeah I'm in the same situation. I am 20 and have one good friend but our lives are so much different now so we dont have much in common. I have work friends but no one I really can hang out with. I know what you mean and it really does suck but I have just tried to be my own friend and enjoy being by myself and being my own friend I guess you could say. Hoping when I get a new job I will find some cool girls to hang out with. Just stick with it, when you least expect it you will meet your new best friend.

Answer 11

Facetious,

Welcome to adulthood, my dear.

First, things are never the same when you go back home. You have a still snapshot in your head of how things are (actually were), and they aren't like that anymore.

While I have new friends, based on my social activites, I still have friends from high school and college. They are true friends. Also, look for friends in your family. Uhm forget that last statement.