My ex all the sudden wants me back right before our first divorce hearing whatsup?

Question

My ex and I seperated because he has a serious drug and substance abuse problem now a week before our preliminary court date he wants to get back together. He basically thinks I am willing because we have a 2month old son. When we met and talked I found out he lost his job, is not in treatment and I think is using again but says he will battle me in court if I do not agree with what he wants. What do I do? I am afraid if I tell him how I really feel he will be very mad and hurt someone, but if I am nice and kinda dont say anything until court then I will avoid a fight!! Any suggestions??

Answer 1

Your main concern at the moment, is your SAFETY. Please, please don't underestimate the potential here. I'm not trying to scare you, or being paranoid, but I'll go into "facts" later. #1--you have a whole week. If it's possible, think of a "valid" reason--non-threatening to him--that you just can't discuss it right now, you're sick or WHATEVER, until you can find a 100% safe place to stay with your son until the court date. #2--DO NOT GO TO THE HEARING ALONE. Tell your attorney about your fears. Forget a restraining order, (even if you had valid cause); all they do is enrage a man like that. #3--concentrate on your safety for now. (He's in no position to "battle" you in court.) #4--Don't fake being "nice," it will only lead him on & accomplish NOTHING. I implore you to keep your focus on 1-4. His reasons for wanting to get back together, and/or his "condition" (with likely promises he'll get help) are IRRELEVANT. Only yesterday, I heard of a man who took a window of about 45 minutes to murder his wife, & burned her & most of the house in such a clever way it was first assumed to be her careless use of ciagerttes. This was the day just before the hearing. Such things happen frequently, & especially when somone is on drugs/alcohol. Be certain you're adequately accompanied to, & from court, & have a safe place to go afterward. If you're afraid he's going to get "mad" & hurt someone, consider how he'll feel when he discovers he has no battle to win. DON'T "PLAY GAMES" with this person. He's already "threatened" a "battle" (which he can't win, but that isn't the point), if you don't agree with what he wants. Protect yourself & your child. Surely there must be some place he would never dream of looking for you. You may have a long, arduous road ahead, so you must be very realistic--very cautious. I sincerely hope you'll be--& that you have TRUE reinforcement from family or friends. These aren't "suggestions," they are sound advice.

I glanced at some of the answers. I'm SORRY, but restraining orders DO NOT WORK; also, have no great expectations that the "law" will protect you. Only to a point. Perhaps a women's shelter would be best, if he knows where your family or friends live. Men have tracked women down, & hurt not only the woman, but anyone from whom they feel threatened. You DO have something to "worry" about.

Answer 2

Well for one he found out somehow that he doesn't have a go chance at getting visition rights with his son. Just tell him you will think about it then take him to court and tell your lawyer what he has said. Everytime he harassess you, makes threats, make phone threats. Always make a note or make a notebook about all of it. That way when he goes to court he will regret it deeply because judges don't like women or chidren been threated. YEa but he's a drug addict all he has is threats cause once you prove he isn't in rehab and doesn't have a job he will lose bad. And don't give to his trying to make you feel sorry for him because it's all an act. ANd remember the one he could hurt bad is you and your son. SO just tell him let me think about it and take him to court. If you ahve a problem with him call the cops and have them make a police report cause this is bad for him in court to. Also try to find a group or ask the lawyer how you can sign up to one who can watch out for you and make sure your es won't hurt you or your son. I wish you good luck. After court maybe it would be just right to move somewhere he can't find you to. If you need a shoulder to talk or just get soemthing off your chest my e-mail is [e-mail]

Answer 3

First you have nothing to worry about here at all. Hes just now starting to realize exactly what hes going to lose and may be forced into rehab if deemed necessary by the judge and may never get to see you two again. Its also against the law for him to threaten you like this so you can get a protective restraining order for your safety. He can say he will battle you all he wants but once the judge finds out his drug history, he will be lucky the judge doesnt throw him into jail and also he has to have concrete evidence proving his claims against you. Hearsay wont work and often backfires in court. Unless you have charges of child or drug/mental abuse against you, the courts will award custody to the mother along with support, the house and possible spousal support. Now you can see why hes trying to get you to stay out of court because hes in a lose lose situation here. You do not need to have any contact with him for any purpose. If you need legal help I suggest you contact your local legal aid assoc in the yellow pages, its free or a womans safe group to help you hide if necessary. You cant worry about anyone else here but you and your son and the law will take care of the rest. Good luck

Answer 4

What do YOU want?

He has no job, he's not in treatment, and you suspect he's using again. Is that the kind of life you want for you and your son?? It's not a matter of how good he had it, he had it good because he's a user, and you took care of him. Let him battle it out in court, that's what the courts are set up for. As far as I'm concerned, with the facts you state here, he doesn't have a leg to stand on in court.

Answer 5

I think he has something up his sleeve and best watch out. My beautiful furniture was in storage he ask me to put the divorce off for awhile. The furniture was paid for he had someone go get all furniture and when I went to look I had a empty storage room. It was in a real storage company not a rented storage building. I think he paid the storage man some cash on the side because I never seen my furniture anymore. Until started showing at some of his relatives. I lost all of it, but I sure didn't lose my life& freedom.

Answer 6

Let him ramble all he wants. What is he trying to take the baby from you? If so, thats really hard to do. Seperate a child from it's mother that is. If he is not working and using drugs. Well then he clearly cannot take care of the child. Too bad for him. If you dont want to get back together with him. then dont lie. DOnt give him false hope for something that will never be again. If you are afraid, he is going to hurt you or your child, I would talk to my lawyer about that and try to get a restraining order put against him until this is all over with. GL, I hope things work out for ya,

Answer 7

Don't take him back. No job, on drugs, substance abuse and that's only a start. Tell your attorney what was said and that he made you feel scared. Your soon to be ex is probably afraid of the child support payments.

Answer 8

he wants to go back to u because he has lost his job, and wants a free place to stay. he can't get custody of the child. document all u know about his drug abuse. avoid any problems until court day, just be nice and tell him u will keep it in mind, and think about it. he is holding u hostage and making threats he cannot back up.

Answer 9

Run. Run.

You and your child don't need another child in your lives.

A druggie is dependent on more than just drugs. The use and use up people as well. He wants to use you too.

Lost his job? Not in treatment? Sheesh, he wants you to take care of him and enable his dangerous, selfish, self destructive behavior - his addictions.

Continue with your divorce plans. That is the best thing for you and your child.

Answer 10

Some people don't know how good they have it till it's gone, that and he probably see that he need you more then you need him. As for your child and court he has no job and no way to provide for that child, he can't win and make sure he knows it F@#$ him he had his chance to be a Father, now give some one out there a chance to show you how a Father figure should be, there are allot of great guys out there move on, NOW!!!!!