I've been married for 7 years and found out that my husband goes to strip clubs at least once a week.?

Question

We discussed porngraphy and strip clubs before we married and I stated that I would not stay with a man who partook in this lifestyle. He told me before we married that it was not his lifestyle. Now I know the truth and want a divorce. he wants to "work things out". Am i irrational?

Answer 1

Yes... You are very irrational... If I were him I would give you a divorce, just so I wouldn't have to live with a woman who is so petty and has to have her way.

Answer 2

I'd be more concerned about the fact that he's been lying to you. I 'd at least go for counseling before you pull the plug on this marriage. You both have different views about sex. I never heard of a couple discussing strip clubs before the wedding. Maybe he saw you as too much of a prude but loved you enough to think he could control normal male urges for you. You basically threw down the gauntlet when you said you'd leave a guy who partook of porn and strip clubs, and who uses the word "partook" anyway? Your husband didn't have sex with a stripper while watching porn, he just didn't tell you where he really was. Get counseling!

Answer 3

Well have you found why he like going to these places because they don't go for sex. These women are there just to get the money and head games are the key. He may go for fantasy and maybe feels like you will not be willing to go into it with him. You don't want to divorce or it would not be a question, you guys have been married for awhile and the spark may have died down some but as long as you are willing to make things work in some way find out if there is something you can do and if not then you may have to move on. Most people are quick to say divorce and never get to the real problem because in life there is no perfect marriage only working the problems the way families should do

Answer 4

Your husband was wrong when he didn't tell you he enjoys strip clubs before you got married. Perhaps he thought he could give it up since it bothers you, but found out he was wrong.

He loves you very much--otherwise he would have walked away when he found out how you felt. Instead, he thought he had a grip on the situation and married you anyway.

Think about why you feel so strongly against strip clubs and why they offend you. Consider going to a classy gentlemens club with your hubby so you can see what the atmosphere is. You will be surprised to see many couples there.

Don't go straight for a divorce until you try to work things out. Your pain is speaking right now, and you do have a good reason for being upset--your husband has destroyed the trust you had in him. I strongly suggest counseling. You have a good chance of working things out and regain trust in your husband.

Answer 5

You are only irrational if you have reached this decision about ending your marriage without first asking yourself the question of why it is that he goes to strip clubs? What need does he have fulfilled there that isn't otherwise being fulfilled?

It might be that you are married to some sort of jerk who has made the fake erotic aurora of the strip club an integral part of his life for no real reason and he isn't worth the oxygen he consumes. Then again, if he really has no other sense of the erotic in his life then I'm afraid the fault for this situation belongs to you alone.

As a worst case scenario he is a shallow, insensitive, jerk or you are a frigid, hysterical, shrew and in either event both of you would be better off without the other. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle and I would think something of this nature can be talked out between you. If it turns out that either of you are unwilling to talk this out then you probably are dealing with one of the worst cased scenarios

By the way, if you have reached the desire for a divorce without first asking yourself the above question my money is on you being the shrew and his being better off without you.

Answer 6

I think the first thing you need to address is why don't you like pornography or strip clubs. If your dislike of these things out weights the love of your husband then probably a divorce would be a solution. Now, if you feel there might be some kind of comproise of him going to a strip club say twice a month then hopefully you and him can work something out. You maybe hurt by the fact that he hid it from you and thats a valid response but whats done is done, now you need to decide whats best for you. Best of luck.

Answer 7

There are alot of people getting divorced for the stupidest reasons.. Why not try to work it out? How about you each have a day during the week were you can do whatever you want and not have to tell the other person i mean as long as it doesn't include cheating ( which strip clubs arent') spending mass amounts of money.. I don't really see the problem with it.. Or maybe you can ask him if you can go with him once in a while? Have a girls night out with friends and go see guys strip? Looking is NOT cheating and i realize he hurt your feelings but try compromising with him...

Answer 8

I would work things out but if he starts "going bowling" once a week, I'd follow him. I mean was strip clubs a cover up for seeing someone else. I would also go with him to a strip club and see what's going on, lap dances,
back rooms, etc. A club with those activities is a no-no.
Simply sitting and watching with you along would be OK. Once a week is too much. Try sex therapy to spice things up at home.

Answer 9

I'm extremely surprised at some of the responses that see nothing wrong with what your husband is doing. And even more shocked that some of the responses are from females.

Porn addiction is an indicator that something is wrong in your life. Seriously, what reason would a man have to go to a strip club so he can pay to watch women undress? Because he thinks a woman's body is art? Please. Most of the women that work in those places are skanky - so that doesn't fly. He has some emotional issue that he is trying to fulfill with the porn and strip clubs.

I'd say don't waste anymore time with him. It's an addiction and one that he will probably never give up.

Best of luck to you. And ignore the idiots that are saying you're irrational and that porn is okay. How would they feel if it were their wife or daughter stripping in the club or in the porn movie?

Answer 10

Divorce is a big step. Is this what you want over this issue? Take a little time to cool off before you make this decision. There is no easy decision. Just do what you believe is best for you and your family. If there is a chance to work things out give it a shot and if you still want a divorce get one. What is the hurry you've been married for 7 years whats a few more months. Plus you can leave him while the divorce becomes lagalized.

Answer 11

Sweatheart, you, like a lot of women, don't understand men or what a man needs and wants. Men, like women, have sexual needs. If your man is wrong about anything, it is telling you that porn and strip clubs are not his lifestyle. They are every man's lifestyle. Some men are just more willing to give it up than others. But every man is turned on by porn and strippers. IF a guy says he is not, that is becuase society has trained him into thinking it is wrong which contradicts his primal urges. but it is not wrong, it is man's very basic natural instrinct to be aroused by the opposite sex. And if one women can turn him on more than the next, that is how it goes. Whether he decides to actually do something about it is a question of evolution and domestication.
the truth is, a man has to make a sacrifice to be married and stay commited to one and only one women for his entire life. You cannot 'train' a man to not think or desire another woman, you can only train him to think it is wrong.
If you expect him to not look at porn or visit strip clubs, you should give him a reason and fulfill all his sexual needs.

I will garantee this, you stating of not staying with a man that partakes in that lifestyles proves that you are not willing to sacrifice to make you man happy, and in return he doesn't trust you because he knows you will judge him for all his dirty little thoughts, which are not really dirty but part of a man's biology. Long term love and happiness requires unconditional love and understanding. Being open to your partners desires and needs regardless of what they are. Putting their needs ahead of yours, as you want him to put your needs ahead of his. the more you require, the less happy you will be.