My husband has decided that being married is not working for him. He wants to know if there is someone else out there for him. We have a wonderful 1 year old son and I just want him to come home. Everytime I try to get him home he says maybe, I not sure how much more of this I can take. What do I do?
2006-11-26 03:05:02 · 12 answers · asked by Peaches27 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sure this is very hard for you. Here is my advice to you. This is going to be hard to hear.. but read on anyway....(sorry) Do not try and convince him. You want him there because he wants to be there, not because you came up with a great arguement on why he needs to be there. Leave him alone. Marriage is for people who WANT to be there, not NEED to be there. I know it is hard to hear, but who wants to be somewhere if they HAVE to be? Your son needs you now. I am sure that he is confused. Spend some time on him, let him know that you are going to be a permanent fixture in his life. The more you try to convice him, the more "trapped" he is going to feel. Some people are meant to be married, and some are not. Do you want him there and unhappy? Or do you want him to be in your life and your sons life and be happy not being married? Make sure that no matter what you do, that your son comes first. If your hubby comes back, and it is "tense"-- it is not a good thing for your son. Make sure that you always keep your child in a healthy environment. He will get enough of the unhealthy stuff in the outside world. Try leaving your husband alone, give him room.. and let him make the decision... if you dont, he may come back and make everyone unhappy. I am sorry I was so "stern" but I just dont want you to get hurt in the long run. And be there for your son. He needs you.. Good Luck.
2006-11-26 03:57:02 · answer #1 · answered by WestWife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention how old your husband is. Is it possible that you got married fairly young, had a child and now your husband feels trapped by all of the responsibilities on him? I think you might want to suggest that the two of you go to couples counseling to see what some of the underlying issues are here. If he resists this idea, then tell him that it's for the good of your 1 year old son, because if you break up without trying to solve your issues, your son may be angry that you didn't try harder when he's older.
2006-11-26 11:10:22 · answer #2 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband did the same thing after we'd been together for 13 years and had two children. There's not much you can do if he wants to leave. It takes two to have a relationship but only one to end the relationship. I certainly wouldn't beg someone to stay who didn't want to. I mourned my marriage for six months and then I realized things were better and I got on with my life. I wish you luck. You may need to start a new life but if you do, you'll find the strength and perhaps a new happiness in doing so.
2006-11-26 11:24:30 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need family couselling and if you want this to work then you need to make this happen but you and your husband had to sit down and tal about his and tell him that you want this to work and you love him and then tell him that his words do hurt very much and you do care and for him to say that stuff that there has to be someone out there for him is very hurtful and you would want him to respect you and you are a good women and you want to be treated as so and if he doesn't want to be part of you and your son then maybe it isn't for him after all. Then you tell him that you will find a lawyer and then we will see what happens from there if he doesn't change his mind then you do what you have to do.
2006-11-26 11:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off don't blame yourself. As far as husband wanting to know if there is someone else for him he has to realize that another person is not the cure. He must become happy with himself first. If he does go test the waters he is more than likely to return.
2006-11-26 11:20:02 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...He sounds like a pig. But i might be wrong. Try to get him to go to counseling. If he really loves you, then he will try to make this work. And if he is a pig, like i suspect, then he will just cheat (if he hasn't already), or end the marriage. I'm sorry you have to go through this, i know it's hard, but i think you might be better without him.
2006-11-26 11:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by Stark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One person can not make a marriage work - I'm sorry honey, but that is the truth. He wants for greener pastures. I'm sorry for your loss, but consider yourself lucky, At least you are finding this out now instead of seeing him with someone else. I know you'll make it. Just one day at a time. God bless.
2006-11-26 11:10:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try to get some impartial friends/ family involved. They may be able to convince him. Or, you can set a deadline for him and say that he has to decide by this date or you are moving on. (filing for divorce, etc)
He has to want to come back in his heart. It can not be forced. If you set a deadline, then it will be better because he won't be able to string you along.
2006-11-26 11:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you can't make your husband feel something he has to do it himself. let him be for a while and maybe he will realize he wants to try to make the marriage work.
2006-11-26 11:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by Btieti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is already gone, maybe theres someone else.just take of the baby and yourself. he'll realize what he walked out on when you stop tryn to get him to come home
2006-11-26 11:10:41 · answer #10 · answered by tigger120788 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋