I divorced my husband of 11 years because I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes soliciting near his job. I found out because I ended up with a V.D. Thankfully not a serious one.
Our divorce is now final, but now more than ever we see each other everyday, we sleep together more than ever and he provides for my family more than he ever has. He expresses how sorry he is and asked me back for my hand in marriage. Is it possible that he is truly sorry? Did he learn his lesson?
I dont know how to move on. I divorced him because he hurt me (emotionally and physically) but I love him and he is the father of my children. I've tried dating since my divorce, but there is a void that only my ex husband fills. I can forgive him but I cant forget what he's done to me. I throw it in his face whenever I get into my moods and I can see the shame in his face when I do that.
He is a totally great father and my kids love him so. What the hell do I do? Im confused.
2006-11-26 01:13:10 · 14 answers · asked by Rackel919463 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
...be careful!
2006-11-26 01:15:42 · answer #1 · answered by ToadysFroggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to understand your ex husband affairs with prostitutes. There are many men out there not just your ex husband that have solicited the services of prostitutes, but most importantly you must find out is he just visit and pay them for sex only? or is he having an affair with the prostitute. A man that seeks the services from prostitutes does not not mean that he don't love the wife and family. It is human nature for some men to have greed in this case.Nothing else but just to pay and have sex with another woman. This is greed. Of course as a woman, you feel bad and disgusted when you know that your husband has been paying visits to the prostitutes. It is just that you came to know that he is paying visits to the protitutes after you got VD. What happens if you do not get VD and not knowing that he is visitiing the prostitutes but he continue to care, love and take care of the family. Don't you think he is a great father and a loving husband? As he is a great father and husband and provides for all of you, would suggest you talk to him not to do it again and forget the past and move forward to have a wonderful relationship and family life. Tell him that you are giving him a last chance. Sometimes it is better not to know too much as long as you don't see it. Have a wonderful relationship once agan.
2006-11-26 01:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by JENNY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it is not likely that he will ever go completely straight, it is possible. It is also possible that he has enough empathy in him to see what he has done to you and his family. Did you ever get counseling when you learned of his cheating? Physical abuse too? What was the reason behind that? There is usually a reason a guy with everything else going for him needs to have that kind of outlet, especially sex he pays for. IF you really love him and if he has been a better guy sine the split and you are seriously considering reuniting, think about some serious communication with him about what he's done and how it affected you and your children. This is a rattional conversation, do not make it emotional. Get into counseling first on your own, and if things go well, introduce him into it later after you've determined this is a good move for you. I am all for keeping families together and your kids will benefit, but most importantly, this has to be good for you. Be selfish.
2006-11-26 01:23:54 · answer #3 · answered by bigwheeler19 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't mention counseling. And have you ever considered that it is pure "luck" that you did not get hepatitis or HIV.
Love? Are you willing to allow your childrens mates to do thsi to them and say "hey, thats OK, cuz he/she was sorry?". Does your X know why he chose prostitutes over a loving wife...are you sure it was a prostitue situation? Perhaps he had a relationship with someone who had other partners--the prostitute story just makes it all about sex.
Even so the $ he spent on them belonged IN the family, the time he spent with them belonged to you and the disease he gave you must have caused humiliation at least---are you willing and emotionally equipped to go there again?
I AM where you were...but my adult children APPLAUD me for booting him out---and my s/o DID have a relationship with someone who played specifically with married men (many of them)---then blamed me for the divorce, afterall he still loved me and would NEVER have divorced me. And the disease I got? Turned into cancer----within 2years. Yes I love him...but that 'him' that I loved DIED the day he opened himself to someone else. I can't forget...or forgive...because to do so would ALLOW him to do it again. Do I love him---with all that I am---but I can't ALLOW anyone to de-value me/my family/ marriage even if it means being alone (which I hate).
I want him here everyday---but if he were here 24h---I would be stricken with every tick of the clock if he were late, I wouldn't trust a thing that came from his mouth, and he would turn me into something I am not----a nag, a jealous angry woman....you are hurt and he failed you as a husband.
Shame is on him----don't spend years where you are--I did and I only got older....let him go...loving someone shouldn't hurt.
Good Luck---you have hard road ahead of you...
2006-11-26 01:51:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to hear others here say go to counseling like that is always a solution, but in your case, you have everything to make a great family its just the past that won't let you go, so with that being said I'd hit up a family counselor, and i hate counseling its not for everyone, but I think it would help you and your family, because you love this guy.
2006-11-26 01:19:30 · answer #5 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide if you can ever get over what he did and if you can live with that without throwing it back him every time you get mad. I would suggest counseling if this is something you want to consider. Keeping a family together is a good thing if you can work out your issues with each other.
2006-11-26 01:16:28 · answer #6 · answered by Weave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ur decision to divorce him was taken in haste. Secondly ur body heat has upper hand over ur logical mind. Marry him again.
2006-11-26 01:22:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to forgive him. It is hard but if you forgive him you will become stronger emotionally and physically. Nobody is perfect
2006-11-26 01:20:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do anything. It sounds like everything is going great without getting remarried.
2006-11-26 01:17:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just have the sex if you are enjoying it, but forget the return... What would stop him doing it again???
2006-11-26 01:18:44 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just stopp putting out and he will get it some place else
2006-11-26 06:05:40 · answer #11 · answered by hill bill y 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋