what do you say to someone that you have known for the better part of your life a good 20 plus yearswho very recently has done things to shattered your whole heartand shows no remorse nor guilt and adds insult to injury by being either nasty in his demeanor when talking or just pretends that i no loner exsist.it is to my horror that i think maybe he was like this the entire time and i never let myself see and if that is true what does that say about meits very difficult for me now as he has moved in with his girlfriend who is young enough to be our daughterhe does see our children but he also makes her a part of their lives which angers me but i also know that i should accept this and try to make it as painless as possible for my children..we are still legally married you see anyway to my question does he just not care of my heart anymore im not talking love here im talking compassion to a women who has given more then half my life and 4 children ..he cheated i didnt.please help
2006-11-26 01:02:02 · 9 answers · asked by kelly h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe nothing. Since he's been treating you like this, I don't think any word you say would carry any weight. He just won't listen or care. Try to bury the past in your heart along with your grief and hurt. It will take you a while to heal, but you will be fine. THis man is long gone, even though he's still around. I just hope that this experience will make you a stronger and more loving woman. Best wishes to you and your children.
2006-11-26 01:08:52 · answer #1 · answered by patience s 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your pain. Your husband is making a big mistake, in my humble opinion. Do you know Christ? If not, then I think that it would be a great help for you. God's love is infinite, and can heal wounds that feel as if they can never heal! It is at times such as the ones you are now experiencing when some of the closest relationships with God through Jesus Christ are made. God will NEVER betray you. Jesus will NEVER forsake you. He will love you, and make you whole. Your now ex-husband will soon see that satisfaction of carnal desires are not everything. Most older men are with younger women for sex, and their feelings get involved later. Most younger women get with older men for the security that their money can offer, and their feelings often never get involved. She will end up doing to him what he has done to you. He is selfish, and maybe he always was, but you were looking at the whole picture - life, kids, home, work, etc. You cannot see everything. You will never have to worry about God doing you wrong. He knows the pain you are feeling! I promise you. He will make things right for you. That does not mean that He will bring your husband back to you. And would you really want that, anyway? If he is hateful to you, and it sounds to me like he is, then I should think that it is for the best that you move on. God can and will help you move on in the right direction! I attend a full-gospel Pentecostal church, and the people there are very loving, caring people. I love them dearly. They are a very important part of my life now, after only three or four months of going there! I would estimate there are about 300 people there. I do not know them all yet, but the ones I do know treat me with kindness, and show me the love of Jesus. It makes me feel really loved! I cannot beseech you enough to give this a try! Give Jesus a chance in your life! Your children will see the difference in you as this experience changes your heart, and your life. So will your ex. He expects you to beg, plead and whine to him. But you will find that he no longer matters like he once did to you. I would make sure, if I were you, that I got what I deserve out of him for the time you put into that life together. Divorce him, get all you can out of him( this is not revenge - you deserve severence pay) and then move on. Hopefully you will move on with Christ's love in you. Good luck to you, sister. I will pray for you this morning in church. Love in Christ and peace be with you. DL
2006-11-26 09:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by Darryl L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your questions is "what do you say to someone....." You say absolutely nothing.
His actions have spoken volumes to you. This is the time in your life that you have got to digest what has happened and it sounds like you have. Now you have got to let go of what has happened. In order to live and to be strong for your children, and yourself.
This man does not deserve to take anything else from you. He does not deserve your pain. He most certainly does not deserve to be able to "answer" anything else that you could or would ever want to know of why he destroyed your bond of marriage and cheated.
He knows what he has done to you and it will all come back around to him. You on the other hand deserve to let go of the why's and what for's and you deserve to live. Letting go is supposed to be the hardest thing in the world for us to do. When in fact, it is the easiest thing to do when you realize that you cannot control someone else or the choices that they have made.
You can only control yourself. You may never understand why and you most likely will never get the answer that satisfies you. Your pain is deep and it is time to let it go. When a marriage ends for whatever reasons it is like a death. You grieve and mourn. Yet life must go on.
Do not put anymore into this man with regard to thought about the 2 of you. Again, he does not deserve your thoughts. You deserve so much more.
2006-11-26 09:26:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you must be very confused right now. First of all, he's treating you this way because he knows he's done something horrible to you and doesn't want to face up to it. I he treats you like you less than human he can go about his new life and not have to think about what he's done. If your not divorced yet and he's living with another woman. I don't think he should be involving her in his children's lives a this point. He's being very selfish and not thinking about how he's affecting his children and what he is teaching them. What you have to remember is that what he's doing is in no way your fault. He is a selfish person who isn't even man enough to talk to you about what he's done to you and your children. If I were you I would see a therapist right away, some one to help you through this rough time which is probably going to get more painful for you before its all over. Just remember that he's treating you this way because he knows he's hurt you and isn't man enough to face it so he's going to ignore you, treat you badly and try and goad you into fighting with him so that he can tell himself that's why I left her its her fault not mine. I hope everything works out for you. P.S. Take everything he's got, you deserve it. God bless. If you need someone to talk to you can email me. bye
2006-11-26 09:23:16 · answer #4 · answered by paulamcneil1223 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow....my heart goes out to you and your children....if I were you, I would contact a lawyer and start divorce proceedings....protect all of your assets the best you can. Get some help to emotionally and financially deal with the very tough situation. You will get through it and by all means help your children adjust to this as well....It is hard to say what people are thinking when they destroy another persons life and act like it's nothing but don't let him destroy you.....Take what he has done at face value.....don't act like he is acting...take the high road....be brave.....be firm in your belief that you are a good person who has been wronged by someone you loved and move on with your life. Sounds to me like he did you a favor...who needs someone so shallow around them...Good luck to you and to your children...you will get through this...my thoughts and prayers are with you
2006-11-26 09:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My life similar my ex-husband cheated 12 years together 3 children divorced in 2004 he treated me and my kids like crap even disowned them when he got with his new girlfriend who was supposed to be a friend of my immediate family. it's going on 3 yrs. since he still hasn't seen the kids and the youngest was only 10months old and she don't know him. He refuses to pay childsupport. He seemed to care for me and the kids for those 12 yrs. but as it comes to show he was a 2 faced man how he acted at home was completely different when he went out he even became abusive beat me and tried to burn my house down with me and my kids in it the cops stop him before he can even try. He stole my car and flat my tire and busted my windows on my car and house.
2006-11-26 10:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he met this new person, thats what has changed him towards you...in his mind hes found a new love and wants to throw out the old one, and do what ever it takes to do that....in his mind you feelings dosent matter anymore....but i almost bet you this, and it may not be today, tomorrow or even within the next 5 or 6 months but he'll realize he screwed up and most likely be back begging forgiveness, i could be wrong but thats what i think will happen...hopefully you will be fully healed from what hes done to you and not accept him back because you deserve better than this!!
2006-11-26 09:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by bshelby2121 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't say a word. Take time out to heal your broken spirit and move on to a new life.You deserve better
2006-11-26 09:29:00 · answer #8 · answered by Dee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No expectations, no pain.
2006-11-26 09:14:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋