I want to make more friends.?

Question

How can I make more friends?? What sort of talking should I talk about?? I can not smile all the time, so people think I'm kind a rude person, I know my face is like that, but Im a charming person and I want to be more charming and I want to make more friends. Is it important to talk about my very personal matters to everybody?? Which is good-- talk less & listen to them more respectfully or talk more & make them listen to you always???? And I really don't know what people likes to hear. How can I make them feel that I'm an important & charming person?? How can I understand that this person could be a good friend??

Answer 1

just be yourself

Answer 2

You are obviously in deep 'dodo.'

Firstly, you cannot 'make friends,' you can only discover one another ~ usually in time.

You can 'meter out' the listening and talking you do, but that would be more like 'book-keeping,' and would smack of manipulating / time-keeping and in the end, false.

As for 'smiling all the time' ....Do Not, you'll have people looking at you sideways and their triggers fingers on mobile phones ready to call for an ambulance filled with men in white coats for your entertainment.

It, this 'thing,' is about having a genuine interest in what you do and in another person does - or is.

You 'don't know what peoples like to hear....'
Neither do I!
What some people like, others don't ~ yup, life's like that.
Bleeding confusing.

How can you make people feel your important & charming?
You can't MAKE people feel or think anything ~ other than you can become a 'pain in the backside for TRYING.'

Stop TRYING ~ or desperation will ooze out of your soul and then people will want to avoid you .....like the plague.

You may be a 'charming individual,' but only because some one / or more consider you so. Trying to be one will only confirm the fact of the act ...as in 'TRYING.'

'Trying' is 'attempting,' an action or act, and that's like putting up a false front ...a persona ~ which is a mask to the reality of what you are and what you feel. It's smoke and mirrors, camouflage to the reality.

Stop 'trying,' become involved in some 'thing' ~ acting ~ find some thing, some society where you can share a mutual interest ~ one 'shared' by others.

Personally, I suspect that you are actually wanting to manipulate others and project what you see as a Dominant You and control others, for whatever reason. And what you display here, the reverse side of this character, is a manipulation to acquire sympathy and tricks of the trade in order to put yourself forwards for this to take place.

Obviously, I could be in error...!

Best of luck.
Sash.

Answer 3

To have friends, you have to be a friend. Be sincere when you ask people about themselves, no one likes a phony. Don't reveal too much to soon, or you seem weird and desperate. Don't tell people what you think they want to hear or you will never know if they really like you, or if they just like the person you are pretending to be. What do you look for in a friend? Try to be the kind of friend you would like to have and you'll find it much easier than putting together some facade. And seriously, stop talking about how charming you are, people who praise themselves usually only have a fan club of 1. Let others praise your good qualities. If you do find someone you click with, be loyal, keep their secrets, support and encourage them, find ways to deepen the bond. Not everyone is friend material, so take it slow. Have some standards that you look for, that way you don't waste time on people that are never going to be real friends. And most importantly treat everyone you meet with respect and dignity until they give you a reason not to. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Could you maybe fill in some more details about what you've tried so far?

One good thing is to talk to people about their hobbies or interests. People LOVE talking about their outside interests, it's a pretty safe topic, plus you'll learn something. Say someone's in to horseback riding for instance. You may want to strike up a conversation by asking them if they've ridden any new trails lately (just an example). Remember though that with any social relationship (especially the close ones) things take time. You can't rush things or speed things up. Try to do this and you'll send out weird and desperate vibes that will drive people away. You might too not want to be overly serious at first. Be light and jovial and a good listener. Everything will fall in to place, but remember IT ALL TAKES TIME. Good luck

Answer 5

A good way to get to know other people is to show interest in them. Listen to what they say and them zoom in on something they say (ie: job, interest, travels etc etc) and be interested to hear more about it. Ask them questions. And even if you don't find them instantly interesting, take an interest in them in a way that you'd like others to show an interest in you. Conversation needn't lead to personal matters. Sometimes that is for when you know someone more.

You can't go wrong by being a good listener. We all like to be listened to, and especially we like to feel heard and be seen. So the more genuine you can be the more they will warm to you because you are taking an interest in them.

And you will probably find that you begin to share about yourself spontaneously when it suddenly feels the right moment. Or something they share with you will spark off soemthing you want to share.

Focusing on them is also a good way of taking the focus off how you're doing or what to say etc. Also, offering compliments (genuinely) is a way of saying I really like this or that about you. The more you accept them and welcome them into your listening space the more they will feel at ease and warm to you.

The more relaxed you feel the better. There really are no hard and fast answers, and usually it's a confidence thing. It make take a little practise so don't go beating yourself up if it doesn't work as well as you'd like the first few times.

Answer 6

Why do you need friends? A group of people who may be nice to you are most certainly not friends. Finding a true friend is a lot harder than finding a needle in a hay stack.

Over the years, I have had way too many disappointments because of so-called friends. Quite frankly I prefer to have one or two TRUE friends who will stick by you through the hard times and truly understand all of your faults and accept you anyway, than a whole bunch of people who are nice to you, but who will disappear at the first sign of adversity.

In other words, having friends is way too overrated. It is truly like love. Too many people make the mistake of actively looking for it and end up disappointed. This is one of those things that you have to let it come to you. Relationships with others is just like that.

Personally I prefer to never have another friend again, than to have another one who will hurt me or disappoint me. I have had more than enough to last a lifetime.

Answer 7

Chill out and relax - you're seriously over analysing

Join some clubs, do some volunteer work etc etc to meet people, but if you spill your guts about all your personal stuff to everyone it's inappropriate at best, weird at worst and could put you in a vulnerable position.

Talk and listen in equal measure, don't try too hard and just be yourself and you'll be just fine

Answer 8

There is no way to pretend to be that will attract friends.

When we attract friends, we attract people with things inside of them that match that which is inside of us. Our personality, our ego, etc. You can pretend to be someone youre not. You can dress like everyone else does, talk about things that you dont care about, but thats not you, and its not going to attract people. Dont worry about what to say, when to listen, how to speak, how to feel. Just find people, talk to them, and eventually you'll find someone that really fits you.

As far as being a good friend is concerned, trust them, and be considerate. BE CONSIDERATE.
Thats all it takes. Consider their feelings, consider what they want to do.

And actually if you can find some people you know as aquaintences on myspace, you can find an easier way to approach them. Just say "hi" leave a comment and after a while, try to build a dialouge with them.

Answer 9

...be nice

...you just need to take the chance, living life is about taking chances, you'll never know that a person might be a good friend

Answer 10

Then get off here and go out more.

Answer 11

relax a little more let fate take over.