I am no longer attracted, or in love with my man of 9 years. Should I leave or stay?

Question

We have 3 children and he is a good guy and very kind. I feel like I'm not in love with him anymore. I've cheated before and while I regretted hurting him, I felt justified. During the time that I cheated I elt so much better about myself. (Maybe because someone else was interested in me and gave me attention) He does not take care of himself and he has some pretty gross habits .He plays a lot of video games and lives on the internet. (reminds me more of another child than a mate). My children love him but, I think I'm ready to move on. Is there a way to fall back in love with him? Should I even want to?

Answer 1

Be very careful, I was in the same situation that you are 7 years ago. I made the decision to leave my husband of 15 years for another man, he was more exciting, sexy, younger, fun, and he made me feel so good about myself. Well to make a long nightmare short. It has been the worst seven years of my life. I realized after about a year that this man had no idea what love was or how to be in a healthy relationship. My life now is constant chaos and turmoil. In other words It sucks big time. I regret leaving my ex he was good to me, boring but I would so love to be bored again. The only thing I have with my new husband is a great sex life, when we aren't at each others throats. I learned that sex is only a small part of whats really important in a marriage. Talk to your man, tell him you want to start doing things together like you use to, it may take some nudging but I bet it will work. when he does clean up praise praise and praise him some more. Tell him how sexy he is to you when he's cleaned up, and then prove it. Set a time each week where you either go out on a date or the kids go visiting and you stay in to be with each other. I guess what I'm trying to say to you is don't be so quick to jump the fence, you may regret it for the rest of your life. I hope all works out well for you, good luck

Answer 2

Nine years and three children and now your finally seeing the man for what he has been all along. What attracted you to him in the first place. What made you marry him?
You clearly were attracted enough to have sex with him at least 3 times.

Now other men has paid you some attention. And all of a sudden your eyes are open. What did I do? What was I thinking when I married this guy? Where are all the other guys I could have had because I have been with him? Hmmmmmm

Attraction is not a choice. You can't one day wake up and decide well in the interest of my children I think I will be attracted. No....doesn't work that way. To find what you had in him before you have to work at it. That is what marriage is all about.

Incredible that you feel justified in cheating on him. Why in the world would you be so self indulgent to the point you feel justified in this? You sleep around....be what some people would call a tramp....and because these other guys have paid a little attention to you now you think your husband is something to run from?

Don't you know that guys will tell you anything to get you in bed. Anything they think you want to hear. After they have had there fill of you they will be gone. Why do you think they picked a married woman?
You are safe. No commitment.

You no doubt have a man that loves you very much and would never think of doing this to you. And you are trashing it. You will not only hurt him but your children will pay a big price for it.

Got any idea why he does the things you say he does? Internet....games? When a man knows his wife is distant he also knows she is not happy with him. She doesn’t have to tell him. But some of us can't just start asking questions and change accordingly. So some....many actually....find another source of pleasure and hope all will go well. These games and internet are his mistress. These are what makes him feel good when he knows his love either will not or cannot.

Sit down and talk to him. Tell him what there is about him that you have this problem with and then both go get marriage counseling.

And stop making yourself feel good by being on your back with these other men. Love your children? Think of them first and you last. If you try all these things and it still doesn't work then you can leave. He may actually want to change if he knew what to change and that it would make a difference.

Answer 3

Well since you had the audacity to cheat on him....which i'm sorry you're not justified in.....you should've left his *** long time before making yourself become another statistic. YOU SHOULD LEAVE him. That's just wrong, and you SHOULD'VE left his behind long time ago. Of course, the children will have to suffer from this...but then honestly, would you want your children seeing you be ....what you've been, see the dead love between you and your husband, so they can follow in the same footsteps? Move on, sh*t happens, only decent thing to make amends is leave with the TRUTH...and be rid of the guilt (if you have any), and the secrets. He'll wake up and smell the coffee soon enough, child support will do that, unless he wants his children....which in this case he SHOULD take the children, he wasn't the one who cheated, he was just bein a nerd with a bad social life, sometimes that can be fixed too, i'm assuming you divorcing him or breakin up, whatever the case, will hopefully open his eyes.
I'm sorry but i hold no respect for people who cheat, I never did the ****, i've LEFT those I know i didn't truly love first before i decided to go indulge myself in self-confidence through sex. I CARED about the feelings and self-esteem of those I at one point cared for, and didn't f*ck with their heart and confidence by cheating on them and making them feel like they just weren't worth my time, or they just sucked, nor make myself look like the typical a*sholes that f*ck up the reason people fall in love in the first place....so...that's my answer.....better hope karma doesn't pay you back.....cause what goes around comes around...trust me...and it ain't pretty.

Answer 4

How can you feel justified about cheating on your spouse of 9 years. Have you ever tried talking to him about the frustration your having with him. That might have done some good. Or maybe you should have gone to marriage counseling to work through the issues you have as a couple. I really is amazing how easy some people will throw away their marriage instead of working on it. You also say that your children love him, but the last time I checked, children come from both parents. So he plays video games and spends time on the computer, he sounds like a big kid to me. I do the same with my kids. To be quite honest, it sounds like you need to grow up and figure out what your priorities are. And I also think that if his habits and general hygiene were a factor, maybe you should have brought them up to him a long time ago. 9 years is a long time to be with someone, and I think if you had an issue with those things, you would have brought them up sooner. If your looking for an easy way out, you just created it. I think he ought to leave you and find someone who will be faithful to him. Shame on you. Just remember one thing, Karma is a powerful thing. It'll come back around to get you. Good Luck.

Answer 5

love is a mutual thing between two participants, if u don't feel u love him i don't think he does either.

u betrayed - and betrayal hurts so much - him and he moved on, i don't think a lot of men do that. There's also the kids, and u say they love him.
In my opinion u should give your family a chance, after 9 years u must have some kinda influence that can pull him out of the world he's in and get the man of u want out of him. Inspire him, may be he lacks something, may be he needs ur support, feel him, understand him then u can direct him to be what u love most in a man.

I am a very successful man in many fields of life and i wouldn't have become so without the support of my love, my wife.

I hope all the best for you and your family.

Answer 6

Try to work this out. If he forgave you for cheating, he really is a good man. I think that both the good and bad times run in cycles. You're going through a rough patch right now, and the fact that you cheated and felt happy is further confusing the issue. If you left him for another man, eventually, you will run into the same problems.

You have a family with this man. Try to concentrate on his good points. Suggest more activities both alone and as a family. Go out more, get involved with each other's lives more. Get off the computer and get a life. Good luck.

Answer 7

Ummm, ok before each and every thing what guy in the international says sex isn't major? i will inform you, one it rather is both already, or making plans on, getting it someplace else. Your husband is an particularly self concentrated individual. i imagine after 10 years you comprehend that, and at this element, have not you had adequate? I continually say to attempt counseling, rather for couples which have little ones. So when you're prepared to conflict with the help of a few painful counseling, reason you've plenty to paintings with the help of the following have self belief me, attempt it. he's not any dummy, he's conventional with he has plenty to lose after being married for ten years so he's attempting to administration you into accepting his reasoning. you're of route not chuffed, do not settle for below what you want and deserve.

Answer 8

If you really feel this way, trying to fix it is going to be hard. Im not one of those people who think you stay because of the kids. I think that you need to talk to him about your feelings when the kids are at grandmas etc. Tell him how you feel, see if you get a reaction out of him. If you don't then tell him what your plans are. Either he can move and take his computer and his games with him or you move which ever is better for you and the kids. Sounds like to me he's alittle too comfy in his surroundings.

Answer 9

I'm sure he could think of some of your habits he doesn't care for as well. You committed to him and he to you to start a family, so you are obligated to he and your children to work at the relationship/marriage, thru counseling, church, or whatever means necessary, but if you don't mind someone being disloyal to you based on the same rationale you have cited, then by all means leave him and perhaps you will find someone who will put the same shoe on your foot as you have on your husband's foot.

Answer 10

In the 1st place what made u marry him? Saying u had cheated before, I think, your love for him is fading b'cos he is not giving u enough of it. Tell him your piece of mind & about his habits. He deserves a 2nd chance and the children too. If u move on I hope u don't cheat again.