Why are people so judgemental about not breastfeeding?

Question

I am a nurse and 7 weeks ago had my first child. I really wanted to breast feed and managed this for the first 6 weeks, however my baby was getting extremelly stressed as my milk dried up 5 mins into each feed. This meant that she was feeding every 10 mintutes and obviously we both got stressed and VERY tired. I now have her on formula and she is so much happier. I KNOW breast milk is best for baby but formula is a damn close second and people come on here for honest advice about the most important thing in their life and people seem to feel the need to belittle them and make them feel like they are abusing their children by not breastfeeding. New first timemothers are extremelly prone to depression and feelings of inadequacy as it is without people telling them they are wrong. Why come on here to insult people, it affects peoples lives.
Sorry to rant and maybe some people dont realise they are doing it but some do and seem to take pleasure in hurting people.

Answer 1

Congratulations on your new baby!

I agree 100%. I actually just answered a question this morning about a breastfeeding mother who was being so rude about woman who "choose" to bottle feed or don't try "hard" enough to breast feed.

These woman are just what you said--judgmental. They do not know that they woman who bottle feeds her 6mo son was in Iraq shortly after she had him. They do not know if there was stress for the mother and/or baby. They don't know anything.

Keep your head held high--I know it's hard but they are just hurtful people. Not to say all breast feeders are like that--but the ones who are I'm sure actually 100% positive that they are that way in all aspects of their life. They think what they do is right and there's no going around it.

While we all know the fact: breast is best but it's also important for people to be understanding. Best of luck!

Answer 2

My friend was in exactly the same situation. She tried to breast feed and really couldn't . She had the same problem of milk drying up and she was becoming red sore and infected from it and yet got judged when she put her children on forumla. Suffering post natal depression as well as this just made her feel like a useless mother when in fact she's a fantastic mother. If people want to judge and criticise then maybe they should ask the situation behind the decision to formula feed there is usually an extremely good explanation. Of course mothers want the best for the baby and just because you can't breastfeed doesn't mean you aren''t a good mother at all. The fact you tried is of great merit. The love and affection you give to your baby is commendable. Feeding every 10 minutes for 6 weeks shows a real commitment as a mother.

Answer 3

I totally agree with you. When I had my first daughter I said I would breast feed but because during labour I have 2 injections of Pethidine my daughter was very drowsy for a good few hours afterwards, she showed no interest in feeding. In the end I even had the nursing staff rubbing my nipples to try and get her to latch on, it made me feel like giving up straight away, I felt like a animal not a human being. In the end I really shouted in the ward and everyone left me alone. When my daughter was hungry I breast fed without problem. I only breast fed for 6 months due to having medical problems and my medication was passing through my milk so I changed to the bottle. I find it hard to believe that breast is best because loads of babies are fed from a bottle straight away and they are fine. It's nice to read from you and hear that other people share my opinion, I think when a answer is insulting then more people should hit the abuse key. I type on this sight to share my knowledge and try to help others.

Answer 4

I have no clue why people are so mean. I'm gonna speak up for those of us who don't even try to breastfeed because we get the worst criticism. You have to do what's best for your child....and sometimes that's keeping the mommy healthy too. My daughter benefited more from me staying on my medicines than she would have from the breast milk. And you shouldn't judge someone for not breastfeeding because you don't know what health problems they might have or other complications that might interfere with breastfeeding. Personally I have a chronic disorder that requires daily medication as well as the occasional heavy pain medication. I did without both during my pregnancy but I couldn't do without for any longer. And you're a very good mommy I think because you didn't try to force something that was wrong for the both of you. You said your daughter wasn't into breastfeeding anymore than you were. If it upsets you both then perhaps it's just not your way. And to further support my it won't kill you to not breastfeed theory my daughter is now an amazingly bright toddler with nothing more than the standard daycare colds.

Answer 5

It's each to there own, I would never judge anybody for the method of feeding their child. Some people are happier on the breast some on the bottle. Sometimes people like yourself end up without a choice, like you say formula milk is a very close second and if your baby is happy then why on earth should you feel guilty. If you are stressed your baby can sense it. Good luck with your baby, They are absolutely gorgeous at that age.

Answer 6

First off, you gave it a good go! Be proud... your child received a lot of great nutritional and health value from those first six weeks! Good job mom!

Secondly, next time someone belittles you for not breastfeeding offer for them to take over. You don't owe them a reason or an excuse or anything. How we choose to feed our babies is our choice. As long as you are happy with that choice... so be it.

However, your email gives me the impression (and I might be wrong)... that you are being hard on yourself for giving up the whole breastfeeding ritual. We start off this adventure of breastfeeding thinking it's going to be easy. Our friends are doing, our sisters did it... why can't we!?!

Ya wanna know why we can't? Because it's just not in our cards. I am the opposite of you, I had TONS of breast milk. I breastfed my first son for 3 months and it drove me insane. I was leaking everywhere, I was so tired and he was always so hungry. It just never seemed to stop. After 3 months I called it quits. I knew that emotionally and physcially I just couldn't take it anymore. My second son came along... he was very ill at birth and wasn't fed for the first two weeks. I easily could have pumped and stored and then breast fed later... but I choose not to. I was perfectly happy NOT breastfeeding. I just didn't want to do it to myself again.

So come to terms with it for yourself. Six weeks is six weeks more than he would have had. And if you choose not to breastfeed at all. So be it. It's your baby, your body and you choose. What is good for everyone else, isn't always good for you. So stop feeling guilty... tell everyone to mind their own business (or take over breastfeeding where you left off)... and move on.

As a new mom formula feeding.. here is a hint... POWDER ONLY. That liquid formula smells... it stains everything and the results in the diaper are a horror show. Powdered formula is easier to work with, easier to make up bottles on the go, no refrigeration of unopened cans, the smell is better, the puke is better, no stains and the resulting diaper has better results.

Many blessings for the new baby :)

Answer 7

I am totally for breastfeeding. That's the way I was raised. I breastfed my first until she was 5 months. I wish I could have longer but she didnt want it. With my second I hope to until she is a little older. I think breast is best but hey it doesnt always work. I give you credit for trying thought. It is very tough. But breastfeeding moms get just as much greif from people. I think everyone should stop judging each other and let the mother deciede what is best for them and their baby. As long as the baby is healthy and eating it's not a big deal, personal preferance that's all.

Answer 8

Take no notice. Do what is right for you and your baby, no one else. Having a baby is tough enough without fear of judgement. Western countries sell baby formula to third world countries to make a profit and then criticize Westerners for not being "natural"! Pure double standard!! These are precious short months with your bundle, don't waste them on other people's opinions. The fact you managed to breastfeed at all is wonderful. Some women aren't that lucky. Be proud you are a loving, caring mother who wants the best for your child. ALL that matters is your baby is fed well. A bottle is fine.

Answer 9

My son was born with a kidney problem which had to be fixed surgically when he was only a few days old. In order to monitor the function of his kidney I had to spend the forst 4 weeks of his life expressing breast milk and feeding him very specific amounts. The long term result of this was that my breastmilk supply dropped. He's now being fed as much breast milk as I can supply, which isn't much at all, and topped up with formula.
The amount of criticism I have taken for feeding him formula is ridiculous. I've had to change health visitor as she was very unsupportive. I have also been approached by a complete stranger in Tesco when buying formula and told that I should be breastfeeding and there was no reason at all for me to be buying formula.
Unfortunately I was very rude to the woman as I didn't think I should have to stand in the middle of the supermarket and explain my baby's and my own medical situations !
Yes, in an ideal world I would be feeding my baby 100% breastmillk, but it's not an ideal world and we're all just doing the best we can.
I hope everything works out well for you and your daughter. I'm sure she'll grow up to be as happy and healthy as the breast-fed babies !

Answer 10

There is a whole lot of negativity for those who DO breastfeed as well, whichever one you choose you will find criticism. I dont think there are many people on here who berate others for not breastfeeding, most just try to share their own knowledge.
I personally dont think formula is a damn close second... it's just the ONLY second there is. It's apparently gotten better in the past few years, but it is still a far cry from breastmilk (so all the studies say).
Since you're a nurse I'm surprised you werent able to find the help you needed to continue, as apparently it is the rare woman who cant breastfeed with the right help. I almost gave up several times at the beginning too, it can be hard to nurse a baby! I think that's more what some dont like is the fact that people take the 'easy' way out now with formula.
The fact that your daughter is happy and thriving is really what matters, so congratulations.