Is it cheating?

Question

I was snooping... I know that's what I get. When I came across adultfinder.com confirmation letter and password in his email. I checked it out with his password and he has single and looking for 1 on 1 sex? I'm ready to kill him but is it cheating? He hasn't met anyone YET!! How do I approach him when I shouldn't have been looking through his emails in the first place? I put up a profile that he would be interested in and contacted him. My plan is to see if he will go to meet "her", and leave him if he does. Should I call it quits before that. We have 5 yrs. invested in this and an 11 month old. Help please.

Answer 1

He is your husband and that was not snooping at all in my books. When a couple gets together (living together or married) they are giving up their private life. There should be no privacy, their life should be an open book at all times to their mate. If they think they have to hide something, they are doing wrong and they know it.

What he was doing on the net was for sure cheating. He might be just talking right now. But he had no business what so ever being there on that site or any site like that and even having his own password and then saying he was single to boot. Guess he is going to be single now, ha ha

I would do just what you are doing. I would set that trap for him and see if he will take the bait of not. And another thing I would do is if you can (don't know about that stuff) but if you can print out what all is being said between you two and also his other conversations with any other women that he might be talking to as well. If you can print that stuff off, at least you have the proof in your hands and that can not be deleted out.

Another thing that I would do, is see if you can find a woman that you know and he don't know and see if he will take that bait as well. I have done that before myself, I set mine up and yes he fell for the bait, hook, line and sinker. I was watching the whole thing in the back ground. And yes the woman knew I was. We just wanted to see if he would fall for it or not. And he tried to lie like the dog he was too. He took her to a hotel, but told me he was giving her a ride home. BUSTED

Answer 2

O.K., first of all, shame on you for snooping. Is there a prior reason for you wanting to look through his stuff. It sounds like there is. But, that's not our business, so I'll leave it alone. Second, I do believe that his actions would be considered cheating. I mean it's one thing to go to a website like that and take a look around, but it's a whole different ballgame when you sign up for an account. From the sounds of it, he's currently looking to get some sex on the side. Regardless of whether or not he has met anyone yet, there is still the fact that he went to a website looking for something or someone, which tells me he's willing to cheat. As far as your actions, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. Your right, you have 5 years invested and a baby. That is a lot of time together to just throw away. My suggestion to you would be to ask him about it. I would fess up that you looked through his e-mail and tell him what you came across. If you choose to stay with him, I would recommend some marriage counseling for the both of you. But that will only work if you both want it to. If either side doesn't feel like they need it, then it will never work. I just had a rather long conversation about this topic at work ,and my personal feelings on the subject are rather blunt and to the point. If your thinking about it, then your going to do it. I'm sorry, cheating is cheating, regardless of whether or not your seperated, thinking about it, got too drunk, whatever the excuse. But honestly, the only person that knows what you should do is you. My opinion, as if it needs to be told, is to get rid of him. You and the baby really don't need the stress of the whole situation. And in my book, "Once a cheater always a cheater". I wish you luck. God Bless.

Answer 3

I think it is good idea to pretend see what will happen. Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he's cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you've gathered that proves he's having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it's been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you'll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he's been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. Consider also this that the main reason for the cheating by any spouse is problem in your marriage which you may not see or overlook. Try to identify it otherwise the tendency to infidelity will be always there.

Answer 4

Well, I would say if you were snooping, there was enough suspicion to prompt the snooping. Whether or not to call it quits is really up to your discretion. Things like this can be worked through if a couple decides to do so. I would suggest going ahead with your plan to "catch him," but I would also like to explain that sometimes a guy's conscience will get to him even after meeting a woman with intent to cheat. When I was single, I met this guy via yahoo's personals & he told me he was single, but before anything happened, he said he needed to take me home because he was married & just couldn't hurt his wife like that. We are all tempted to do things we know are wrong, at times, but following through is another story. Do you have a trustworthy female friend who could pose as the "other woman"? That would tell you what he really is or isn't capable of doing.

Answer 5

Some people do things like that when they're bored, or curious. Its not cheating yet.... so keep an eye on it and see what he does. But... remember.... just cause he agree's to meet "her" doesn't mean he will.... lots of people just screw around with the idea and don't follow through. So be prepared to really go meet him so that you can find out how much of what he's doing is just a game. And then.... find out what the problem is.

Answer 6

Think about it this way - what if he does meet other women to have sex with, and catches something? I would go ahead with the plan that you have going. It sounds intelligent, reasonable, and fair. If he comes to 'meet' you, then you will know, won't you? I feel badly for you and your baby. I wish you all the luck in the world. And yes, meeting other women to have sex with falls under the heading of cheating in my book. My wife is welcome to go through my E-mail, snail mail, or even my wallet, if she would like. She doesn't, but she knows that I wouldn't care if she did. The only way that I would care would be if I had something to hide. Openness lets the light of truth and love shine on all things. Hiding things lets in darkness to cover that which is hidden, and the light of love does not shine there, nor does truth. Love in Christ. DL

Answer 7

I have been married for 14 years and have two kids.

I did something similar and met two women face-to-face and nothing happened. Meeting face-to-face and screwing around are two different things. I found that I *thought* I wanted to do this but realized that I did not.

I met two wonderful women that are now chat buddies. In fact, they have helped me better understand my relationship with my wife. Am I cheating? I don't think I am.

If you set up your husband, meet him, then leave him, you might be making alot of assumptions about what *might* have happened. I think you should just confront him and talk about it rather than tricking him into a situation where you just set him up to lose.

Answer 8

You go for it ! That is a good plan! Why waste another 5 years!Yes you snooped but what you found over shadows the snooping part.If you call it quits you'll never know,and maybe's can haunt you. Good luck!

Answer 9

You are smart. I've set up my man before by having a good looking girl around him or start off by asking him for the time then directions then she ask can you show me or something else slip him the bate. If he hooks the bate then you caught your fish now ur gonna have to throw him back in the ocean and find another so to speak heehee Good Luck.

PS i think trace made a great point. I agree 100%

Answer 10

I think that you have your head on your shoulders right dear. Create your profile and let him know that you are interested and see if he meets you, her, or whoever. Then if he does leave him. You and your child both need happiness and u can't have that with him if he is going to do this behind your back. I mean how will u ever trust him. Good luck.